Your mission....should you choose to accept it....

Is to "guest blog" for me while I'm in Vegas engaging in drinking and debauchery with Linda and Darlene having a restful vacation!!!

Who wants to?

C'mon...I need four people max. One each for Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I can do my usual Sunday Rewind that day if I get no takers, so I still need at least three of you to cover my ass fill in for me for a few days!

Look at it like this....a lot of you tell me you don't have many followers, so this would be a great chance to expose yourself on my blog!



Wait....let me rephrase that. (Missy, put your dress down. Bagman, I see you over there flashing the goods as well!)

This is a great chance to tell all my readers who you are and what your blog is about and show them your personality...I guarantee you'll have more followers afterward!

So....everyone who's willing to guest blog...raise your hand.



Your post can be as long or short as you want. Funny or serious. I don't care...and you can't embarrass me so do what you want. If you're interested, let me know, and just make sure I have your post by Friday morning so I can set them all up before I leave.

OK seriously, who wants to take over my blog?

I need a dinner date....

Who's in?

More Texts From Last Night

I can't help it. I'm addicted.

(503): i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
(360): let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.


(845): i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low


(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab
(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer


(859): Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
(502): Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?


(503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
(515): Ur type is ready and willing


(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
(917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
(917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
(718): messed up. what color are the wings?


(712): She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...


(417): He has such a weird drunk-voice.
(1-417): dude, he's deaf.


(406): So, how was the dinner
(1-406): Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.


(315): evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.


(603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
(1-603): No...more like a life jacket.

I'm almost done...hang on....

(619): I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.


(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon


(323): Would you feel weird if I asked out Debbie?
(310): You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
(323): So...no?`


(401): my mouth tastes like poor choices


(310): My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...


(206): Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad


(773): Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...


(402): Houston.. we have a drinking problem..


(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911


(630): I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.


(585): i'm signing you up for texting rehab


(303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.


(702): Kareoke will never be a sober sport


(517): areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
(616): you srsly need to quit going to that bar


(818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.


(815): the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?


(925): Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.


(734): hey call me
(810): can't. in the shower.
(734): ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.


(816): I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.


(301): Bea Arthur died yesterday
(240): You shut your stupid mouth
(301): Betty White is next, I just know it.
(240): Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.


(936):Bea Arthur died! :(
(214):What?
(936):Big bird passed.


(815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
(1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.


(818): dude, i look like john mccains neck right now


(920): Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers


(337): i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
(985): wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb


(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.


(517): I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.


(925): so explain again why im purple
(617): no

Just a few more...


(336): I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.


(214): your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
(1-214): we're not divorced.


(970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
(970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.


(310): I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.


(478): This is not my ceiling


(619): I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity


(832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
(303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex


(610): please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.


(917): I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
(201): so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay


(805): As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!


(504): Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
(225): You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
(504): Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
(225): I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....


(714): It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...


(669): I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation. (hmmmm...who does this remimd us of????)


(303): Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)

OK I have to stop now. LOL

Sunday Rewind - Friday Funnies (Confused yet?)

There are way too many days of the week in that title.

Anyway...it's my day off. Enjoy a rewind from last October.

First though, a caveat...if you recall I was recently accused of being "malicious and mean spirited" by One Date Dude ODD, because he observed that:

"You have a lot of women reading your missives, for this is an epidemic in this country . . . Man Bashing . . with a more virulent strain of it, White Man Bashing. I believe you've committed the former but not the latter. There are a lot of lonely, angry women out there and your blog probably suits many of them very well."

(I believe you can all figure out why there was no second date!)

So allow me to go on record and say...

The following is indeed man-bashing. Sue me.

Happy Sunday!!!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008
Friday Funnies

No disrespect to my male readers but there's a little man bashing going on here this morning. It's all just for fun and you know I love you guys so don't be throwing curses out on me!

Here we go, ladies. Find one you like!!!


The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)


And the personal favorite:


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)



One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma '
And they say blondes are dumb...
------------------------------ -----------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
------------------------------ -----------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the s hower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

----------------------------- ------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
----------------------------- ------------------
* Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN (Note from Julie...this used to be my mantra when married.)
----------------------------- ------------------
-
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
------------------------------ ----------------- --
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough

My followers come and go....

My followers are like my weight....the number fluctuates daily. Today it's 176. Yesterday it was 178. The day before it was 175.

Yet I average about 25 comments a day.

Doesn't it make you wonder what the other 150 people are doing with their hands while reading my blog? Make that 149...I *know* what Bagman is doing.

I need some sort of commenter lock down...you can come to my blog anytime you want but you can't leave until you comment.

Is Blognapping punishible by law?

Oh well, I'm just grateful for the 175-178 who care enough to follow me! I've never had such a big group to lead astray!

Friday's Bits & Pieces

No specific theme today...just random me stuff.

Look to the right on my blog at my Vegas counter. A week from now my bags will be packed and I'll be on my way west for 5 days of drinking and debauchery. Or at least I hope that is at least part of what Linda, Darlene and I will engage in! I can't wait, it's going to be so much fun....

Did you see the season finale of Grey's Anatomy last night? OMG. The ending blew me away. When I realized it was George....wow.

I'm not as cranky as I was yesterday with the weight thing. I'm still not buying the "muscle" excuse but I'll take it, at least until next Thursday's weigh in.

Let's have a question of the day, shall we?

If you could completely eliminate any one of your pet peeves, what would it be?

Happy Friday!!!

Frustrating Thursday

Thursday WW Weigh In:

GAINED .6 lb.

Seriously????????? How the fuck does that happen when I'm eating less and exercising more? I'm staying within my points every day, and breaking a sweat consistently. I even joined the Y and worked out for an hour last night.

Arrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I know, I know. It's a marathon, not a sprint. But it would be nice to see some reward to your hard work, you know?

I'm going to go scream in the shower now. And try not to do what I would usually do which is say "screw it, I'm just meant to be fat" and eat a dozen donuts.

(Nearly) Wordless Wednesday *Updated*

Ask, and you shall receive...



Happy Hump Day.

Texts From Last Night

OK, this website is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It makes me laugh out loud every single day.

Texts From Last Night

Fair warning, if you have delicate eyes there may be some offensive words here. But basically these are just texts that people have sent other people, and I can't stop reading it!!! I swear some are damn close to actual conversations I've had with my friends....many years ago of course.

My current faves are (NOTE: The numbers in front are the area codes the texts come from):

(831): Hey, what are you up to?
(802): Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
(802): Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.

(561): You drink too much
(1-561): No, I drink just the right amount - too often.

(316): I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
(785): He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

(301): Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
(443): We using my standards or yours?

(402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

(513): Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives

(813): My mind said no, but my drink said yes.

(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy

(818): Jake died.
(310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
(818): Oops typo. Jake cried.

(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.

(330): Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood

(217): What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.

(978): Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.

(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this fuckin recession

(317): Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.

(917): omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
(310): Whats your twitter name

(203): I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.

(610): The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.

And what could be my all time favorite....

(212): dude, i just got a bummer
(418): whats a bummer
(212): a blowjob from a homeless chick

Don't say you weren't warned... Oh, and don't sit there all innocent acting, you know twenty minutes from now you're going to be reading every page of TFLN and laughing out loud, while trying to pretend you'd never enjoy something so horribly dysfunctional!

So when you do, come back and tell me what your favorite one is!

Really? Am I the only one?

Doesn't everybody hang their clothes in the closet according to color? And facing the same direction? (That direction being left!)



It's not like I'm so anal that I insist on all the same colors of hangers....

Yet.

It's only 6am.

I *am* Mother Of The Year!

Seriously! Look!!!!

CLICK HERE

I'd like to thank all the little people that got me here. Well, I guess just this little person:



Who is now this big person:



He is the love of my life, and I'm so thankful to be his Mom. Thanks, buddy, for being the kind of son every mother dreams about.

And this lady is pretty special to me too. Everything I know about being a Mom, I learned from the Book of Betty:



Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

And the same to all of you ladies reading this today...I wish you the happiest Mother's Day ever!

What can I "wine" about today?

Happy Saturday everyone....

I have the Wine Flu.

When did I become such a lightweight that TWO glasses of wine can A) make me drunk and B) give me a hangover?



And no, for the smart asses out there who are wondering (and you know who you are), they were not 16 oz. wine glasses either!

We were actually installing the master bedroom at a client's house until 8pm last night, and they were graciously supplying us with beverages as we worked. I truly believe in situations like that, there is something inside you that just automatically makes you remain sober and acting normally until you get to a safe place, such as your own home. Because I felt fine driving home, but somehow the minute I got into my own house, I was buzzed as hell! Clearly, as soon as I relaxed, I *really* relaxed. I ended up asleep on the couch at 10pm (yes, another wild Friday night for Julie).

Today, I just have a headache. And my body hurts. Add all the bending and moving of stuff that I did last night to the fact that I've been planting and weeding for a week now, and my back is not happy. Literally, everything from mid-back to my knees hurts. Damn those three herniated disks.

But the good news is that I have a garden! Woohoo! Four types of tomatoes, some jalapeno peppers, some purple and orange sweet peppers, two types of basil, and some rosemary. And I have a feeling I'll be adding more to it...I'm all about the gardening these days.

Oh, and my first month on Weight Watchers is officially over as of today. As you can see from my ticker at the very bottom of my blog, I've lost 9.7 lbs. this month. That's good, I know, but I'm disappointed that I fell short .3 of a pound and didn't meet my 10 lbs. goal. Arrrgh. Damn that wine last night.

Oh well...on to my next 30 days and 10 lbs. I'll be successful this month.

Since tomorrow is my blogging day off, I want to wish all you moms out there a very Happy Mother's Day! I am blessed to still have my mother with me, and even more blessed to be the mom of The Best Kid Ever. I love my life.

On a related note, should I ask for this as a Mother's Day gift?

The *Last* Argument

O.K. Honey!

We're here!

You can come out now.



I would have posted this even if my bestie Penny *didn't* live in a 5th Wheel RV (sooooo much bigger than this one)but it's that much funnier to me imagining her saying this to her dearly beloved, Eddie! Thanks for the laugh, Red.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Your big chance to help two very cute men....

OK technically they aren't men.

They are boys.

Small boys.

But adorable nonetheless.

My friend Meghan is the mother of The Two Cutest Boys Ever. Seriously, they are. I could just squeeze the crap right out of them.

Look at these faces:



Sumner and Jackson are in the Cutest Multiples Photo Contest. The voting is on the left side of the blog, and they are #6.

So would everyone please take a second today and go vote for these two cuties?

I don't know what the grand prize is other than the claim to fame that you have the cutest multiples ever, but I am doing my part to see that Meghan, Summy and Jack win! Thanks for helping out the cause...

Now, go vote!

Little things thrill me the most.

So last month when it first started getting warmer here in the state with ridiculous weather all year round sunny Ohio, I pulled out my jean capris and was going to wear them one day.

They didn't fit.

That's right, I could barely drag the fuckers pants up over my hips, although I did get them that far, but buttoning or zipping was nothing short of a fantasy.

Which sort of confused me because I weighed exactly the same as I did when I wore them last. So what, does fat start to liquefy and spread? Or maybe now that my son measured me as 5'7 1/2", when I have been 5'9" my entire life, it's indicative of how since I'm getting shorter, I'm also getting wider?

Really, will three herniated disks cause you to lose an inch and a half in height? Or did I just have far bigger hair for years?

I haven't talked a lot about it, but I've been doing Weight Watcher's Online for almost a month now. (I keep the little handy dandy weight loss ticker at the bottom of my blog, if anyone cares to follow it.) My goal is to lose 10 lbs. a month. I haven't weighed in this week yet, I do that Thursday, but it's my belief I will reach that first 10 lb. goal when I do.

I feel really good, I feel like I have my eating under control, I'm eating far better (healthier and more natural foods) than I probably ever have, and I'm actually exercising. Yes, you read that right. I work up a sweat of some sort daily. And no, there is no nudity involved. Dammit.

Anyway....back to the story....

So this morning as I was contemplating my work wardrobe I saw these damn capris hanging there, taunting me, and I thought to myself, those can be my first "goal" clothes...and when I get in them, I'll know I've redistributed the fat lost some weight. Because let's face it, at this point I've just lost 7 1/2 lbs, and on somebody my size that's not enough to even notice.

But I tried them on anyway.

And I would like to publicly announce that not only am I wearing them at work today...but they are not even tight! They fit quite comfortably!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't have to suck my stomach in back to my spine, nor do I have anything Spanx on! (and I swear it had nothing to do with the baby oil gel I put on when I got out of the shower, greasing my legs so the damn things would slide on!)

Little things thrill me the most. Even if it's just fitting back into a pair of pants.

In a related note, I saw an ex-boyfriend this morning. I wouldn't mind fitting back into HIS pants. LOL

The season's "must have" fashion accessory?

As we've established, time and time again, there is no cooler fashion accessory on all the planet than a petite pooch. Teacup poodles, bichon frises, Chihuahuas, you name it -- if it can fit in a purse, it's fashion gold.

I know. I have one who does. Meet Gracie.





But for those times when you need something more functional, there is evidently a new product out...a fanny pack for your little precious.

Now this may be helpful for when you need to be hands-free, but still want your favorite fur-covered fashion accessory by your side.

However, my fear is that I would forget I had Gracie strapped to my ass, then I'd sit down and squash her like a grape. She may be a sturdy 4 lbs but even she couldn't survive this booty.

Is it just me or if you're going to take the dog for a walk, shouldn't it actually touch the ground? And if you're the one in need of exercise, leave Rover at home...don't make him slap your ass with every step.

Well, unless you're into that thing!

Gardener needed....apply within. But first....

Happy Birthday, Penny!!!!!

This picture was taken on her birthday last year, and unfortunately she won't be home (well, here in Ohio) today, so here's my sappy birthday sentiment to her:

Thank you for being my best friend since like 1920 for more than 25 years now. We've been through it all together...marriages, divorces, childbirth, loves and losses, hot tubs (I won't elaborate!), strippers, helicopter rides in your basement, and way too many things that would get me in trouble for mentioning...we've had highs (oh yeah, expensive ones at that) and lows (but we looked damned good doing it)...and I have no doubt that we will find outselves still together, rocking out at the nursing home 30 years from now. You, of course, will be getting hit on by all the old men, and I will, of course, still be watching in awe and STILL trying to figure out how you do it! I hope you know that I am so proud of you for all you've accomplished in the past 25 years. I love you, and I can't wait to see you next month especially for our tattoo date. Tell Eddie I said to slip you the big one tonight (yeah yeah, I know it's not the weekend....go wild anyway!) and send me the video. My other one got worn out from overuse. Love you!!!! Happy birthday, Red!!!!

OK, back to the gardener thing. I need some landscaping help.

In the front of my house I get partial sun but not a ton of it. Things that do well are petunias, impatiens, snap dragons, those kinds of flowers. But I'm tired of buying annuals every year so I want to plant things that come back.

I like pretty bright colorful flowers. I don't just want green stuff. And I ain't no Hosta back girl. (There are a couple hostas out front now but I didn't put them there and I'm by no means in love with them!)

I need ideas of what to plant that will start blooming in the spring and continue through summer. I know there are things that bloom in stages, so that's fine if some things only bloom in the spring and then the others are during summer, and maybe even there are things that bloom into fall?

Help! I know many of you have gorgeous houses and lawns....help a sister out, will ya?

Sunday Rewind - Seven Random Facts About Me

As you know, it's my blogging day off, so here's a little rewind from October 1st. Enjoy!

Seven Random Facts about ME!!!!

OK, Liz tagged me so here are seven random facts about me.

1. I have taken college courses in every decade since the 70's. Yes, I'm that old, and still degreeless.

2. I used to emcee a male revue and also ran my friend's Strip-A-Gram business. There are worse things than looking at naked men and getting paid for it.

3. I was a bartender at a place called the Side Door in Lancaster for several years in the 80's. (I think it was the late 80's....most of that decade is still a blur!)

4. I write, eat, and put makeup on with my left hand. Everything else, I do with my right, such as bat, bowl, hold the hair dryer, use a mixer, cut with scissors, etc.

5. I secretly wish I could sing and have always wanted to take voice lessons. However if you have ever heard me, you know there isn't a voice teacher in the world who could make me sound good.

6. I almost broke my back bowling. True story.

7. I once had purple hair. By accident. Twenty five years later, friends will still sing "Purple Rain" to me and laugh.

Who else wants to play? Don't make me tag you! Volunteer, it's easier!!!!

Nothing newsworthy...

I've got nothing newsworthy today. Didn't do much last night other than get a massage, go tanning, and read a book. My life is all glamour, isn't it.

Going to my son's brother's going away party tonight, and tomorrow I'm planting flowers.

Wow, I just bored myself with this post.

OK let's end this on a funny note...

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Happy Saturday!

I would not make a good frog.

My eyes and tongue would both be tucked into my jeans waist.

Happy Friday everyone!