My mom is dying.
On Wednesday the doctors were unable to drain her kidney as they discovered that her blood platelets were extremely low, and her spleen was very much enlarged. She was also developing fluid on her lungs.
My family and I talked to the doctor frankly about what to do next, and came to the agreement that they would give her platelets and do the kidney draining procedure in an effort to rid her body of the toxins and see if it would jumpstart her kidneys again (now both are not working) and maybe even flush the 9mm stone out.
Nothing that is wrong with my Mom is reversible. She isn't going to get better. She has started failing quickly this past 48 hours. Anything we do at this point is now just prolonging her death....not extending her life.
The doctor suggested that we take her back to the nursing home and call hospice in, and let nature take it's course.
We have agreed.
To be honest, I don't think she'll leave the hospital. They intend to keep her through the weekend but I will be surprised if she makes it that long. She no longer want to eat, barely drinks, and is mostly sleeping.
We have all accepted that it's time to let go, and that it's just a matter of days or maybe a couple of weeks until her body shuts down....it's coming and it's coming quickly.
I sat there last night watching her sleep, and in my mind a movie was playing....little snippets of times spent with her. Things from when I was little, or a teenager, or even just the past couple of years. I smiled, and laughed, and cried.
Pray for her, please. That her body lets her spirit go to be with Daddy and Linda. I know they are waiting for her.
P.S. The picture above was taken on Christmas 2008, when Jordan got his Mac Book and we were having fun with Photo Booth. Mom was amazed that we could look at the computer and take a picture of her, me, and my sisters Sue Ellen and Patty all together. I love this one.
34 comments:
You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
It's never easy, no matter the circumstance ... stay strong, I'm thinking of you today.
Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time. Hugs. Big Hugs.
Letting go is never easy. Sending hugs and prayers as you go through this.
Cassie
Times like this are some of life's worst hurdles. No matter what happens, you will always be able to keep your mom close and warm within your heart. In some ways you are lucky, you have some time to say goodbye and to let her know she is loved.
Oh, this is such a hard time...I went through it almost two years ago..my Mom was ready to let go, but it still wasn't easy...we were fortunate in that once I had signed the paperwork for hospice care, a bed opened up in another hospital, and she was transported there rather than to the board and care facility where she had been living...the hospice personnel were extraordinary, and very comforting during this time...we were able to be with Mom 24/7, and she was kept comfortable to the end. I know how difficult walking this path is, and am sending prayers and hugs your way. Saranne OX
I will pray that she goes peacefully Julie, in as little pain as possible. Take this time to say goodbye and let her know everything you've ever wanted to say, and let her know that you'll be OK. Every Mom wants to know that.
I am so happy that you get it -- that prolonging her death is all that can come out of heroic actions that they say is to extend life. She is lucky to have such smart children. The hard part now is wanting to be there when her spirit leaves -- my sister refused to share that with me when my mom died, but I console myself with the fact that I was there when she was living to do whatever I could for her. You have always been there for your mom, too, and that should bring you some comfort.
You are all in my thoughts.....I send you much love and am here if and when you need me. Take this time to say all the things you want her to know -- she will hear you.
Julie,
My thoughts are with your mom and you. I am sorry and will pray for a peaceful transition.
I haven't been following lately as I've got stuff that was keeping me from reading so I'm just getting caught up. I'm so sad to read this. I lost my mom at 18 and I know this has got to be hard on you. You will be in my thoughts. Hugs.
You're all in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for a smooth, easy transition for your mom.
I'm sorry to hear this news, Julie. You have your mom's best interests at heart, and you know what she would want at her end. I'm glad you sisters are there for each other as well as for her. All my best thoughts I send to you.
I am thinking of you. I read your blog all the time even though I don't post. I had to post today. I know what you are going through and it's hard. My Dad had Alzheimer's and we knew the last two weeks of his life this was it. I went after work everyday to see him and the last 3 days I sat with him and played music he liked. I talked to him, reminisced about things and just enjoyed being beside him. I knew it was better his leaving. He wasn't like he wanted to be anymore. He was just laying in his bed breathing and he never wanted that,ever.So we sat around him told him how much we loved him.I would walk up to him every little bit and say it, in case he died while I was gone it would be the last thing he heard.They say hearing is the last thing to go, set by your Mom reminisce, tell her you love her and I will be thinking and praying for you. I know we don't know each other but I just wanted to let you know someone was thinking of you.
I pray that your Mom passes in peace...I am so sorry...
I hope the weekend is gentle for you all, whatever it holds...
Thinking of you x
All my thoughts are with you.
Anna
I'm so very sorry to hear this. Thoughts and prayers as you walk this all too hard road.
I am so sorry.
:(
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I've been through very similar situations with my dad, my grandmother, and both of my husband's parents. You are wise to pray for her body to release her spirit...to often our loved ones hand on for the ones they leave behind. I still think telling my grandmother it was okay to let go, that we'd miss her, but we'd be okay is what finally let her pass. Again...my heart and prayers are with you.
I have walked in these shoes and they are very uncomfortable.
I hope your mom is able to pass peacefully and you are given the strength to deal with the coming tough days.
Oh Julie,my heart aches for you all at this very hard time. I remember very well telling both my parents to "go to the light" and letting them know I would be ok(I knew the needed to hear that). At that moment is when they let go. The last couple of weeks has brought much of the same for me and my family. Today I will be going to my Aunt Dixie's funeral. Call me crazy but there is a part of me that wishes I could be at that joyous reunion when she meets all our loved ones that have gone before. Find comfort in knowing that if your Mom chooses to go at this time that she is finally home and whole once more. I rattled on to long with this comment but I didn't want to leave you at this time,((hugs)).
As the tears stream down my face I am reminded of the journey you are about to take. Letting go is so hard, but try to remember the memories of a happier time with your mom and remember she's going home where she will be safe and suffer no more.
Sending love and prayers. I'm here for you and the family Julie.
Ditto Penny though....take this time to say everything and anything to your mom...she's listening whether she responds or not.
Julie, so sorry to hear this about your mother. It sounds like she is just alive, not really living. May you find peach and comfort at this time knowing others understand. I have been down this road a lot more than I wanted to. Blessings to you and family. Time is the only thing that works.
I am sorry to read about your Mom. May she have a peaceful passing.
I'm typing through my tears... prayers to you and your family. I just went through the same sort of thing with my dad this past fall, and I know how difficult it is. Stay strong, and have some comfort in the fact that your mom knows how much you love her.
My heart aches for you and your family. Hold her hand as she transitions to another dimension and tell her you love her..alot. She will hear you even if she cannot respond.
I am praying for all of you...loss is never easy, no matter how at peace we are with the prospect.
Oh Julie...I am so so soooo sorry to read this....I am Praying for you and your family...Love You!
You, your mother, and your family are all in my prayers, Julie. This is unspeakably painful. I hope the love from your friends brings you strength and peace.
I know that the stent went well, but sadly there comes a time when enough is enough. There's always "something" the medical profession can do, but it comes down to pain and misery versus pain and misery with nothing improving....I am so, so, sorry, but you're still got some time to spend with her and you're making the most of it.
I remember staring at mom's face, trying to memorize it for the future.
Hugs spanning the miles, for you and your family and your mom right now...
You and your family are in my prayers. I pray that god will open the gates for your momma to the most magical place ever, where she can be at peace and reconnect with so many. The most important thing is to never quit celebrating your beautiful mothers life. Praying for you and your strength as well.
You and your family are in my prayers. You were there for me in October when my father died...and I am here for you now. God Bless you all and stay strong.
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