Well, that about sums it up.

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you have a great weekend planned!

Caution....Mood Swing Ahead

I strongly dislike menopause.

(I would have said "fucking hate" but I'm trying to clean up my language.)

I can deal with the hot flashes.  I don't have that many of them, and usually they wake me up at like 3am, and I just kick all the covers off of me (and my guy, if he's there!) and let my constantly-running-on-medium ceiling fan cool me down for a minute.  Hot flash over, back to sleep.

I've learned to deal with the change in my hair.  What used to be thick and curly with lots of body is now much thinner, flatter and straighter.  It takes work to have a good hair day.

I can even deal with the pudge.  The wrinkles.  The body parts that have fallen and can't get up.

But the mood swings?  Sweet Jesus.  They are killing me.

The good news is that I don't have a LOT of them.   It's not like it's daily!  But about once every couple of weeks, I'm a cranky ass bitch.  EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING irritates me.  I can go from sweet and nice, to wanting to gouge your eyes with toothpicks, in seconds flat.

My poor guy isn't sure how to deal with me.  I have tried to explain to him that I am 49 years old, and menopause is a fact.  If he can't handle the occasional mood swing, he needs to date a 29 year old instead.  But be forewarned....her mood swings are called PMS.

We're women, we ALL have mood swings.  Been having them since the day we were born.

It's just that, at this age, they are more erratic and less explainable!

I went on to try and explain that for me, the whole drop in estrogen/mood swing feels like when you get an X-ray and they put that big heavy thing across you to shield you from the radiation?  Except that thing is like a frickin body condom that weighs you down from head to toe.  You can't get out from under it, you can't smile and laugh and pretend it's not there, you just have to deal with it til it's lifted.  But for about 24 hours, life isn't gonna be all sunshine and rainbows.

The good news is, at least I'm not a raving bitch.

I'm just quietly annoyed and really irritable. (OK, not always quiet about it.) (But loudly annoyed, with love.  LOL)

And then, just as quickly as it started, the mood swing is over.

The sun comes up, and the smile is back on my face.  My guy is safe to come over again.  Everything is right with the world.

Until the next one.

I'll try and give you a heads up of when you need to don your crash helmet, ok, honey?

I love this song.

I love this song, for obvious reasons. My Mom is crazy about my guy. To quote her..."I really like this guy. You'd better hold onto him!"

Consider it done, Mom.

Doctor Dave

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality.

Whispering......



Dave........






Dave........






Dave........




........you're a vet.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

Not so itsy bitsy.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Who the hell saw this coming? Not me!

So Dr. Penny has been telling me for years...YEARS....that I have to change my thinking in order to change my life.

I hate it when that bitch is right. LOL She NEVER lets me forget it.

Seriously though....

I finally took her advice. And I changed my perception...my thoughts...my actions. I stopped "wanting" what I didn't have, I stopped the constant barrage of negative, toxic thoughts that my marriage/divorce put into my head. I quit being "that girl", the one who was cheated on and totally fucked over by someone who was supposed to love her for the rest of her life. I stopped worrying about never being able to trust a man again, to fall in love again. Hell I even quit worrying about paying the mortgage on my condo until I found a new renter. I quit worrying about how I was going to make sure Jordan got into college...how I would afford it, etc., and how was I going to throw a going away party AND stock a dorm room with everything he needed in a month where I was paying two mortgages because I didn't have a renter? And of course, my constant fears and worries about Jordan leaving home, and my upcoming scarily empty nest.

I just stopped everything. All the negative thoughts. All the worrying. All the stressing out about stuff.

And what I started doing was thinking positively.

Living as though I had all I needed and wanted.

Being thankful for all the blessings in my life and all the blessings to come.

I started being "happy", even when I didn't feel it. Fake it til you make it, sister.

And you know what happened?

I signed the best renter for my condo, this lovely 70 years young woman (who reminds me very much of Dr. Penny herself in another 10 years!) who I pray has many healthy years ahead of her in my condo!

My son is successfully in school, and we didn't even have to pay a dime over his school loans this quarter. We had a great going away party, and I managed to find that extra $500 I needed for dorm stuff. It was "just there".

And we all know I have fallen head over heels in love with That Guy Again. With him, I am happier than I have ever been. He is such a good person, and he makes me want to be a better person than I am. The absolute best part of my day is his face first thing in the morning when I open my eyes, and the last thing I see at night. Truly, I had no idea that *this* was what being in love felt like. What being loved felt like.

My life has done a 180 in the past couple of months, and I am 100% convinced it because my thoughts, and my words, became my actions. When I lived in a constant state of fear and loss, my life was pretty sucky, I've gotta tell ya. I wasn't "living". I was just getting through the day the best I could. These days, I live in joy. I live in the positive. I have realized that I am worthy of all the wonderful things coming my way.

My God, I love my life. And I am so thankful for everything I have, and everything to come.

Do me a favor....get rid of your negative thoughts ok? There's a whole fantastic world out there just waiting on you to live it.

Thanks, Dr. Penny.  I love you.

I'm a UC Mom, the Empty Nest...and other Important Stuff.

So, my baby is officially a University of Cincinnati Bearcat.

And I'm an empty nester.

We moved Jordan to school last Thursday. Honestly, it was a great day.

We got there at 10am, and they gave us free Red Bull.  So far I loved college.  LOL  Then we got his room key....

 I got to put his room together, make his bed, do all the Mom stuff one more time...

He approved of the feather bed I bought him so that he would be comfy at night...

And I made him suffer through yet another "Mom and Me" picture....

We went to the bookstore, and I got coffee mugs for Michael and me to drink out of in the mornings....and a new shirt for me.

You should be proud of me, I didn't cry until it came time to hug him goodbye.  But the minute he said "I love you", I burst into tears and could not even speak.  So much I wanted to say to him, but all I could get out was "Please be safe and take care of yourself, ok.  I love you so much."  I know he knows everything I couldn't say (because I'd have gotten hysterical trying to get the words out, LOL), about how proud I am of him and how thankful and blessed I have been to be his Mom.  I've told him those things hundreds of times, I know he knows.  This time, I just wanted him to know I love him more than life itself, and am so excited and happy for this phase of his life to begin.

And then I cried all the way to Kings Island.  Which is only about 25 miles.  I thought that was pretty good, considering at one point during the drive down, Jordan and my boss exchanged text messages where David said "Is she curled up on the floor in a fetal position, barricading herself in the garage so you can't leave?" to which Jordan replied "No, not yet.  But I have a feeling she'll be on the hunt for an unused room after I get moved in though."

Oh Ye of little faith, I did neither.  I survived The Move of 2010.

My first weekend as an empty nester was great!  I have learned a few things about my son not living at home, such as...I don't have to worry when I walk around naked (TMI maybe, but factual) that he might walk in;  I don't have to panic anymore when I hear sirens (there is a police and fire station a block from my house, and yes I used to find ridiculous excuses to text Jordan when I would hear them to make sure he was alive....yep, I was "that mom"), my leftovers are still left over the next day to take to work for lunch; and the one who used to leave the bathroom a mess isn't me.  And the best part (which I thought would be the worst part) of not knowing what he's doing and where he is at night, is that I just pretend he's in his dorm room, and then I sleep great!

Plus, my nest hasn't been all that empty.  My guy is there a lot, which is great.  This weekend we went down to Hocking Hills and walked through the caves and stuff.  It was a lot of fun.

Later we stopped by a flea market....and I tried to get a picture of this guy with THE WORST MULLET in the history of the world.  He's standing behind Michael in this picture and unfortunately you can't see him, but he had this short hair on the front, and then the mullet part went all the way down his back.  OMG, it was hilarious.  

Oh, and at the flea market I made a purchase of my own....it was a UC Bearcat license plate thing.  I tried to post the picture here but it kept showing up sideways, and I didn't want you guys straining your necks on my behalf.  

We are moving our offices this week, so don't expect a new blog post anytime soon.  I'll be lucky to see daylight between now and next Monday.  

Hope you are all doing well.  I haven't been around to visit your blogs in ages, I've become a very bad bloggy friend.  I will try to get caught up soon, meanwhile tell me what's going on in your world!

Scenes from a party....

Had a going away party for Jordan on Friday night....a great time was had by all.

My favorite Bearcat:

Me and my guy:

>

Jordan's two Moms:

Jordan and his besties:

Jordan and Elizabeth:

Dr. Penny, Jordan and Me.  No clue why this insists on posting upside down.  Maybe we were that drunk?

My favorite place to be:

Three more days til he goes off to school.  Surreal.

Am I reading this right?

Proofreading is a dying art, isn't it?


Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No kidding, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Does his wife know this??

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing lazy sonsabitches.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Well, let's see if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
Thanks, Captain Obvious.

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Well at least they didn't blame this one on Obama.

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Brilliant detective work!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
Dude, he probably IS the battery charge now!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
A size 22 just ain't what it used to be.

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Excuse me?

Wake me up when September ends.

So, it's September. Thought I'd better do an update before you guys think I fell off the face of the earth.

September is notoriously weird month for me. Usually just an emotionally crazy ten days thanks to....

Got married Sept 20, 2003
Dad died Sept 18, 2004
Got divorced Sept 28, 2005

This year we can add....

Jordan goes away to college Sept 16, 2010

Sigh.

Oh, and we're moving our offices this month, and I'm pretty much managing the whole thing, which is so time consuming and crazy I can't even tell you.

Oh, and I'm having a going away party for Jordan next Friday, the 10th. So I have to take a day off work just to clean house and prepare for it.

Big sigh.

So here is my burst of positivity....

All is perfect, everything will get done on time and as it should, and those milestone dates will come and go just like they do every year.

Mom isn't doing too good. We had her back at the ER on Monday. Honestly, I cannot believe she is still with us. She's down to 130 lbs from 165 a couple of months ago. She hardly eats, sleeps most of the time, and is becoming more confused. She has been fighting pneumonia for three weeks and of course, the continually recurring UTI. God bless her, she just isn't ready to go I guess. She says she is, and then the next day she talks about "when I get better..." so I think she's still got one foot in both worlds, you know? It breaks my heart to see her like this, but at the same time, I can't imagine a world without my Mom in it. I don't think I ever showed you guys this (although some might have seen it on Facebook). On her birthday August 20th, I videotaped her. Here's a little snippet.



And here's a picture of me and her from that day as well:

And this one makes me laugh out loud. You know she's thinking "Seriously, a party hat? Oh Christ, I guess I'll humor you." LOL

I really am afraid that I'm going to lose her this month as well. September seems to be that way for me.

But there is a bright spot in this....

I am happily dating. He's an old boyfriend from 13 and 12 years ago (yes, we dated twice two years in a row) so let's hope third time is a charm. LOL He's really a great guy, the polar opposite of who I've spent the past 10 years with. We've been moving slow this past month because I just wasn't ready to leap back in, but he convinced me otherwise last weekend. :::wink::: I'm really happy right now, and just enjoying the day to day of having someone in my life who brings such amazingly good things to it. It's good and it's easy and it's comfortable and the best part about dating someone you've dated before is that you don't have to go through the whole "getting to know you" process so there's no awkwardness or putting on pretenses etc. It's organic and fabulous! Happy sigh.

So there's your update from me. I'll probably be out of pocket quite a bit this month, because I'm not kidding when I say that work is kicking my ass. And, of course, I'm busy with That Guy Again on the weekends. Some things take priority and these days, blogging isn't one of them!!!

Tell me what's going on in your life?

What do you mean?

There are at least eight words in the Mars/Venus dictionary that can be taken two different ways. Memorize them, there will be a quiz later.

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while naked.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

A picture truly is worth a thousand...OMG's.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present to you....

The Thailand Vagina Tree.

There just really are no words.

Love, Lust and Marriage

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage- When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

Love- When intercourse is called making love.
Lust- When intercourse in called screwing.
Marriage- When intercourse is a little town in Pennsylvania.

Love- When you argue over how many kids to have.
Lust- When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
Marriage- When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

Love- When you share everything you own.
Lust- When you steal everything they own.
Marriage- When the bank owns everything.

Love- When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust- When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage- When.... uh.... what's a climax.

Love- When your heart flutters every time you see them.
Lust- When your groin twitches every time you see them.
Marriage- When your wallet empties every time you see them.

Love- When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust- When all the songs on the radio determine how you do it.
Marriage- When you listen to talk radio.

Love- When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
Lust- When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
Marriage- When you're only interested in what's on TV tonight

Love- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
Lust- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
Marriage- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

Love- You only leave the house for coffee and doughnuts.
Lust- You only leave the house for condoms and Vaseline.
Marriage - You only leave the house when your spouse comes home.

Love- When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust- When staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage- When just getting through the day is your only thought.

Proof positive, I was indeed married.

Happy birthday to my youngest older sister!

The youngest of my three older sisters is having a birthday today.

(This is us last year at the American Idol tour)

Happy birthday, Patty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you very much and hope you have a great day!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 86th Birthday, Mom

I'm so blessed to have you here for one more. I love you with all my heart.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's never too late to live happily ever after.

Once again, I am still swamped at work and recycling old blogs to amuse and entertain you. This one was from a year ago, and I am very happy to say that I definitely think it's never to late to live happily ever after! As some of you picked up on in my post Monday, I am "quietly dating" someone again. Will fill you in soon....

Meanwhile, enjoy this rewind from August 17, 2009. Cheers!

One of my readers commented last week and asked me what I thought about this:

At our age, is it still possible to have that "happily ever after"?

She said:

I am just 50 and have been in serious/not so serious relationships since my divorce [almost] ten years ago. I am (in my own mind and have also been told) attractive, financially stable, sweet, decent, sexy, etc. A good catch perhaps? Truthfully, I suppose that is true. I am not the helpless "I need a man" whining type. Nor, do I depend on a man to fulfill me or to "make" me happy. I have good relationships with family and friends. I like my life. Perhaps the best way of summing up my relationship potential is to state that the men I have had serious relationships are still good friends.

So ------- I hear this a lot. Do you?

- don't settle
- you deserve a man who treats you like a queen
- someone is out there who is just for you

Truly I am a realist. I am not counting on having a relationship. I am not counting on someone to grow old with. I am not counting on anything. I am merely wondering if it's even possible. I am incredibly curious about this.

At age 50 we have lived life. The men I know have lived their lives. We have scars. We have had experiences; good and bad. We have raised our children. We've lived independently for a while. With all of this:

- is it realistic to think that we can put past experience behind us and choose to love again?
- is it realistic that a man of my age would even have the desire to put me and our relationship as the focus of their life?
- are there even any men like that out there?
- do marriages happen at this age?
- is it realistic to think that good late-in-life relationships occur? work? last?

I wonder if at this time in my life I should just share sex/companionship/conversation with a man and leave it at that? Have no further expectations?

As I said before, I am happy now with life as it is but smart enough to realize that a good relationship would enhance my life. I just want to know the reality of later in life relationships; if they even exist. And if they do, what they are like.

Sincerely, Single in Cali.


Dear Single:

God, I hope it's possible. If not, I'm going to be really disappointed.

Like you, I am (or so I'm told) attractive, sweet, funny, sexy, and while I may not be rolling in the dough, I am paying the bills and able to buy the occasional Coach purse, or travel to visit my blogging buddies in other states. (Watch out, Paula. I'm looking for a passport stamp. You and Germany are next!)

And like you, I do hear the same things from my friends. I shouldn't settle for less than what I want in my next relationship. I deserve to be treated like a queen after being run over by the bus that was my ex-husband. And yes, I always hear "Mr. Right is out there, and he'll come along when you aren't looking."

Well, when do I stop looking?

What is the time limit from my last date til when I officially give up all hope? Is there a countdown clock going on somewhere that every time I go out on yet another prospective partner job interview date, it resets itself and just waits for me to give up all hope on finding that guy that I could care enough about to give 'happily ever after' one more shot?

And when I do finally give up, and accept that I may be alone for the rest of my life...how soon does Dr. Right finally drive up in his Porsche? (I'm being sarcastic...FYI)

Yes, I have baggage. My marriage wasn't always easy, and my divorce broke my heart. And thanks to the way it ended, I will probably have a really, really hard time trusting a man again. But I am willing to try.

I'm ready. And I think it is realistic to believe that there are men out there who are willing to put their own past experiences behind them and fall in love again too.

Now, that being said...I sure haven't found one yet!

But here's the thing, everybody's experiences are different. My bloggy friend CCD had a divorce every bit as horrific as mine (and more so), and she's happily in love and getting married again. But then again, another of my blogging buddies just broke up with her boyfriend who I thought she'd be with forever. I know a lot of my readers are single again and some have gone on and found great guys, and others are in our same position...wondering if there really is someone out there for us.

I don't "need" a man. But I want one really badly. I just miss everything about the concept. I miss having a partner, a best friend, a lover, a companion. I miss being special to another person.

So to answer your question, yes I think later-in-life relationships exist, and they can be very good. I have seen it happen! I try very hard to be positive about it, and in the meantime, while I wait for whoever-he-is to find his way into my life, I am doing things for ME. Taking care of myself, my health, my finances, etc. Learning to be happy with me, so that I don't ever feel like it takes a man to give me that happiness.

But don't take my word for it. My readers have tons of experience in this area. So I am asking them to let us both know their experiences with life after divorce, and relationships at this age....

Readers....do YOU believe it's still possible to have 'happily ever after' once you're past 45?