Fifty and Fabulous!

Lessons in Womanhood

2012-02-15T06:54:00.000-05:00

I have become a bad blogger. Even my best bloggy friends are calling me out on it.

I've had a lot going on recently (mostly good!) and I just haven't made time to do much other than post a few funny pictures and get a new tattoo.

Rest assured, everything is good with Michael and me, Jordan is doing well, my job is secure but busy as hell, and I'm content with life.

I will post an update soon, but until then:

I'm so happy with this.

2012-02-12T18:09:00.001-05:00

It's tattoo #6 and maybe my most favorite of all.

It says "Life, love, laugh and be happy!!!"

My sister Linda wrote these words to me 3 months before she died, and now I have them in her writing with me forever.

And to those who asked, no I am not single again. Michael and I are doing well. We have our ups and downs and some days he drives me crazy. But at the end of the day there is nobody else I'd rather be with.

Here's another shot of my tat:

I was shocked that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I expected to. Only the swirl on my ankle bone made me say a few cuss words, otherwise it was a breeze.

I love it.

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So happy!

2012-02-10T10:29:00.002-05:00

One huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I am a happy girl today.

It's gonna be a good weekend....

After The Thrill Is Gone

2012-02-08T15:46:00.000-05:00

Forgot how much I love this Eagles song.....

'After The Thrill Is Gone'

Same dances in the same old shoes
Some habits that you just can't lose
There's no telling what a man might use,
After the thrill is gone

The flame rises but it soon descends
Empty pages and a frozen pen
You're not quite lovers and you're not quite friends
After the thrill is gone, oh,
After the thrill is gone

What can you do when your dreams come true
And it's not quite like you planned?
What have you done to be losing the one
You held it so tight in your hand well

Time passes and you must move on,
Half the distance takes you twice as long
So you keep on singing for the sake of the song
After the thrill is gone
After the thrill is gone

You're afraid you might fall out of fashion
And you're feeling cold and small
Any kind of love without passion
That ain't no kind of lovin' at all, well

Same dances in the same old shoes
You get too careful with the steps you choose
you don't care about winning but you don't want to lose
After the thrill is gone
After the thrill is gone
After the thrill is gone, oh
After the thrill is gone

We've decided to separate.

2012-02-03T14:02:00.002-05:00

Aahahahahahahhahahahahah. Funny stuff.

Happy Friday!

No really...I'm not!

2012-01-27T10:06:00.002-05:00

Happy Friday, peeps!

What's Your Blues Name?

2012-01-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

Hi, I'm Boney Legs Jefferson.

What's yours?

Guess which one of my friend's this reminds me of?

2012-01-19T09:44:00.000-05:00

Go ahead. Guess.

I'm just sayin....

2012-01-16T14:57:00.000-05:00

Source: m.9gag.com via Julie on Pinterest

Happy Monday!

Well Hell.

2012-01-06T10:55:00.004-05:00

January 6th, and I'm just now pulling off a "Happy New Year!" post. Nice.

I didn't make resolutions this year (or any other year for that matter) because I don't ever keep them. But I have goals.

1. I'm trying not to say 'fuck' as much. It's really ~~fucking~~ fricking hard.

2. I'm going to grow my real estate business this year. It's time to shit or get off the pot. (I've always hated the visual that catchy little phrase creates, and yet here I am using it. I should resolve not to do that again!) I either need to market myself, grow my business and make some money so that I can pay off my bills and do some travelling...or I need to surrender my license. Last year I closed one house, and what I made on it offset my monthly fees and yearly dues, so other than the tax write off I made no money in real estate.

3. I'm back on Weight Watchers again, combining that with this ~~fucking~~ frickin vegan lifestyle ~~that was thrust upon me~~ that I am sooooooooooooo happy to be doing. (If Dr. Penny is reading this she's gonna yell at me but I don't care. My blog, my bitch platform!) The great news is that Michael has lost 25 lbs since we started eating this way 3 months ago. I, however, haven't lost a frickin' pound. Nor do I feel amazingly better. Nor do I have an incredible amount of energy. I'm tired. Cranky, Bitchy, Sleepy, Whiny, Gassy (yeah when you eat all these damn beans, it happens. I regularly have a 6 month pregnant gas baby belly. It's lovely). Hormonal. Let's face it, I'm my own fucking Seven Dwarfs now. (Ooops...there's that F word. Hey, I'm trying.) So I figured if I'm gonna ever learn to LTVS (Love The Vegan Shit) I'm gonna need to be losing weight on it as well. Enter Weight Watchers. It's only my first week, but it's going good so far.

Let's see...what else? I think that's enough for now. Lose weight, make money, and stop saying offensive four letter words that begin with F (unless I'm doing it, of course, at which time I can scream it so the neighbors hear me).

Those are my goals this year. What are yours?

How can this kid be 21 already?

2011-12-27T10:36:00.002-05:00

I swear, it was just a couple of years ago he looked like this.

Sigh.

Time flies when you're having spawn.

To my son on his 21st birthday....know that you are loved beyond words, that your Mom is more proud of you than anything she has ever done in her life, and that my wish for you is to one day be 85 years old, surrounded by your wife and your children and your grandchildren (and maybe even some great grandkids), and know that this year, 2011, when you were 21....was the start of the most amazing years of your life.

I love you with all my heart. Happy birthday, bug.

Love, Mums.

It's that time again...the Office Xmas Party

2011-12-23T07:40:00.003-05:00

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And, don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ....You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody????

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gift exchange is allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money, and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party (the days are so short this time of year), or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet. Pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each gender will have their own table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food thus we suggest for those people with blood pressure problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics since the restaurant is unable to supply "no sugar" desserts.

Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people! Nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up ike Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween, or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey, or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up? Please?????????

Also, the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail, sent to your home.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #*&^@*^Holiday Party

I have no#&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the #&^!@ do I care...? I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and your are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your @ #$^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now !HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

****************************************************
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Terri

A Christmas Wish...Granted

2011-12-15T02:04:00.001-05:00

I found this letter I wrote to Santa in 2008, and I am proud to say that he finally granted my wish last year. Santa Rocks!!!!

So write your letters, folks....eventually you'll get what you wish for!

12/2008

Dear Santa,

I know I haven't written for awhile, but I thought this was a good year for us to reconnect. We've had a bit of a tumultuous past, you and I, but as I've grown up and matured, I have come to realize that I shouldn't expect to find happiness with a guy who travels with reindeer and plays with elves.

So, I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I forgive you for that whole Barbie Dream House debacle of 1969. Even though I was very specific about what I was looking for....the beautiful pink 4' tall model, 12 rooms, a master bath jacuzzi big enough for Ken and Barbie, three car garage for the Barbie Dream Car, Ken's Jeep, and a guest spot...I know it was too big to fit under the tree but if you recall I asked that you please put it on the left side of the tree so that as I ran into the room on Christmas morning, it's the last thing I saw.

Santa, you sat right there in the mall, looked me in the eyes and said "Julie, your Christmas will be dreamy...ho ho ho". Dreamy = Dream House in my 8 year old eyes.

Imagine my surprise when, in lieu of a beautiful Barbie Dream House on Christmas morning, I woke to find some horrible Barbie head with hair that you pulled out of her skull so it "grew"! Oh, and then you applied neon blue eye shadow to her eyes and this sticky gross "lipstick" in a God awful shade of pink to her clearly collagened lips. Seriously? This was your idea of my Barbie dream????? For years I refused to wear my hair in a ponytail for fear somebody was going to pull on it and I'd end up with yellow plastic hair down to my ass.

I digress. The reason for this letter is that I'd like us to make amends with each other. Let's call a truce, shall we? Obviously I haven't asked for a lot this past 40 years. But this year, there is something I really, really want, and I think you and I can work together to make it happen.

What I'm looking for this year is a great guy. Let's face it, after my ex, my bar is set pretty low. He is NOT a hard act to follow. I have a list of the specific qualities I'm looking for in a romantic partner which I will forward to you later, however to summarize I'm just really asking for the important things...passion, honesty, integrity, a sense of humor, financial stability, romance, etc. He can be a good solid 5 in the looks department, because frankly I consider myself about a 6 on most days, and you know that women always want to be the pretty one in a relationship.

Please note...I have a 4' tree. Please, please, please...do not attempt to put him under it. I'm not looking to date a midget.

If you can find it in your heart to grant my Christmas wish this year, I promise I will forget all about the Barbie Dream House.

Love,
Julie

P.S. If you could make him well endowed, that would really sweeten the deal. Thanks!

How can Christmas be 18 days away?

2011-12-07T01:00:00.000-05:00

Seriously? It's less than 3 weeks til Christmas?

Sigh.

Nothing like a surprise wedding to shock the masses!

2011-12-05T01:37:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to take a moment to congratulate my dear ~~sister separated at birth~~ friend Linda Lou on her surprise wedding last week, to the handsome and always entertaining Mike!

Congratulations on pulling off the surprise of the year! Michael and I wish you a lifetime of love, health and happiness together.

Love you guys!!!!!

Now, throw the fucking bouquet my way, will ya?

To All Who Survived.....

2011-12-02T01:03:00.000-05:00

This was emailed to me recently, and I loved it. I remember these days with a smile on my face, and more than a few scars from bicycle accidents, etc. These were the good old days, and I wish my son had grown up this way...

To All Who Survived the 1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!

First, we survived

Being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank

While they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing,

tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep

On our tummies in baby cribs

Covered with bright colored

Lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,

locks on doors or cabinets,

And, when we rode our bikes,

We had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children,

We would ride in cars with no car seats,

no booster seats, no seat belts,

No air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day

was always a special treat.

We drank water

From the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends,

from one bottle,

and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes,

White bread, real butter, and bacon.

We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.

And we weren't overweight.

WHY?

Because we were

Always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day,

as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

-- And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps

And then ride them down the hill,

Only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times,

we learned to solve the problem..

We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes.

There were no video games,

No 150 channels on cable,

No video movies

Or DVDs,

No surround-sound or CDs,

No cell phones,

No personal computers,

No Internet and no chat rooms.

WE HAD FRIENDS

And we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth,

And there were no lawsuits from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons,

Switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand,

And no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt,

And the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,

22 rifles for our 12th,

rode horses,made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and

- although we were told it would happen -

we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes

Or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell

Or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts

And not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn to

Deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out

If we broke the law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law!

These generations have

Produced some of the best risk-takers,

Problem solvers, and inventors ever.

The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion

of innovation and new ideas..

We had freedom,

Failure, success and responsibility,

and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of those born

Between 1925-1970

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others

Who have had the luck to grow up as kids

Before the lawyers and the government

Regulated so much of our lives

For our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids,

So they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house

with scissors, doesn't it ?

Love love love

2011-11-26T12:03:00.001-05:00

The loves of my life.

That is what I'm thankful for.

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What am I thankful for? I think you can guess....

2011-11-21T01:06:00.002-05:00

So many things.

This ~~kid of mine~~ thriving adult who's about to turn 21 in a month:

This man that I am lucky to share my life with:

Note our fantastic new hair styles. You can't tell from the picture but mine is red again, and his is really short, which I've been ~~nagging~~ subtly suggesting he do for months....

I'm thankful that my family and friends, because I am blessed to have some damn good ones. This is our first round of holidays without my Mom here, and I miss her so much, but I'm lucky to have the rest of my circle to help fill the void.

I'm thankful that Michael and I are improving our health every day (even though I'd love to be able to improve it while eating meat and dairy, hahaha). I'm thankful that I have a job that I love (most days), that I have everything I need and anything else that comes along is just icing on my cake of life.

And I'm thankful that there are still a few of you die hards out there that still read my blog. I know I don't post very often, and I appreciate the fact that you still care enough to keep coming back when I do. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll get back to blogging regularly again.

Here's wishing you all a fantastic Thanksgiving. Tell me...what are you thankful for this year?

I think this will be my next tattoo

2011-11-10T03:56:00.003-05:00

‎"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

Yep. I think that's it.

Can we all agree.....

2011-11-02T00:54:00.000-04:00

...to stop making people like this rich and famous by buying tabloids and watching TV shows on their lives??????? My God, this woman has done NOTHING and yet she makes $35 million a year, and all she is famous for is a sex tape, and now a short lived marriage that makes a mockery out of the institution.It's insanity, and it needs to stop.

I keep thinking....I should post something.....

2011-10-20T06:42:00.002-04:00

....and yet I never do.

Blogging was so much easier a few years ago when I had nothing else going on in my life! LOL

These days, work keeps me very busy, and my evenings and weekends are spent with Michael and writing blogs is the last thing on my mind.

It was great therapy when I needed therapy...but now, I just never make time to do it.

Things are really pretty status quo with us right now. I waffle back and forth between thinking I want to get married again, versus "Why fix what ain't broken?". We don't live together, we still maintain two different homes, but he's over at my house every night, and all weekend....so in a lot of ways it feels like we're married. But then I also still have time to myself on those nights where he has to work late so he doesn't come over at all...and I gotta be honest, I enjoy those moments too. And if we moved in together, I wouldn't have that time to myself.

And sometimes, a girl just needs to be able to come home, put on some sweats, eat a bowl of cereal and read People magazine and watch bad reality TV. You know?

We've had to make some dietary & lifestyle changes recently due to some health concerns, so we are officially vegans for now. Sigh. (Dr. Penny...read no further...skip this next paragraph please!) Am I happy about it? Yeah, not so much. I miss meat. I miss cheese! LOL And holy shit, I miss caffeine. We've had to give up everything that was bad for us! I haven't had anything but water pass through my lips for three weeks. (Okay I lied, we went to a party last weekend and I had two cocktails. I can't give up EVERYTHING or you might as well just shoot me now!)

We've gotten used to the dietary changes, I guess. I'm learning to embrace beans and rice and salads and veggies and fruit. I'm getting creative and having to plan every meal and cook every night, and frankly between you and me it's a big fucking sacrifice to make for love. I just hope he appreciates it!

But of course the benefits of eating a clean diet help me too, and God knows I haven't taken care of myself in 50 years so ultimately I will be very happy about this, I have no doubt. Right now I'm still just kind of pissed off about it, LOL.

It would help if I'd lose some weight in the process. You'd think not eating meat and dairy would make you lose weight, right? Not me!!!!!!!!!! Michael is losing....not me!!!!!!!!!!!

OK change in thought...I'm feeling pretty negative today and that's no way to be. So better turn it around....

I'm happy! I'm healthy! I love beans and rice and potatoes! I don't miss my old life at all!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Let's see..what else is going on? Eh, I've got nothing. Today is one of those days that my middle finger is answering every question. :)

Maybe I do need to go back to blogging. It's a great place to vent!

I'll leave you with some pictures from the 70's themed party we went to this weekend....here's one of Michael and me:

...and then one of me and Danica :

This is me, Steph, and LW...Danica's husband!

And this is some of the girls....Stacy, me, Steph, Danica and Crystal.

No, we didn't get rich or married...

2011-09-28T00:41:00.005-04:00

But we had a blast in Vegas anyway!

Here's a few little gems for your viewing pleasure.

How I missed my palm trees:

The start of many self portraits!

Michael and Budda:

We went to Paris:

The Faux Eiffel Tower:

In front of the water wall at Aria:

The view from our room at Aria:

The view from our room at M:

The pool at M. It was 104 and hot as hell!

Self explanatory. :)

Clouds over the mountains. It was so pretty, the picture does it no justice:

Dr. Penny and Ed arrive! I miss her so much, she's been my BFF for 30 years, and I haven't seen her in a year. I literally cried while hugging her.

Hot babes at the pool. This was a few drinks in. Haha We were drinking Tropical Dreams (some sort of massive rum concoction) in 32 oz. glasses. In the desert sun. Calculate for yourself how smashed these two ladies were by 4pm.

Me and honey:

On our way to dinner, it started to rain but there was a beautiful rainbow:

Four Bitchin Babes....Linda Lou, Dr. Penny, me and Darlene. Yes, Penny and I are still drunk. Why do you ask?

Michael at Hoover Dam He's Hot. :)

Us with the new bridge at Hoover:

Hot guy with rocks:

Michael after winning $1,000 on penny slots!

This picture cracks me up. He had just said something funny to her, and she burst out laughing right as I snapped their picture. It had to do with foreplay. Go figure.

No trip to Vegas is complete without a picture at this sign:

So there you have it, our Vegas pictorial. Michael did stand up with Linda Lou on Sunday night, which was a lot of fun. We had a great time on the trip, just didn't have enough time to see everything I wanted to show him.

Guess we'll have to go back again.....

Really? 6 Days Til Vegas?

2011-09-16T01:39:00.003-04:00

(I use that picture a lot on my blog, don't I? For good reason...a lot of crap sneaks up on me and suddenly I'm like "Holy shit!". So it's appropriate.)

Yeah six days til Vegas. I kept thinking it was still a couple of weeks away. But no...this time next week I'll be waking up at Aria with my honey, and enjoying Day Two of our trip.

Lots of stuff going on in my life right now, none of which involves me directly but 100% affects me. Stressful, yes. Manageable, yes. Expensive...yes.

Sigh.

Oh yeah, and I have a bad wing.

About a month ago my right elbow started hurting. Some random shit that I wrote off to either bumping it and not realizing it (you know how you can whack your funny bone and it makes your whole arm hurt?) or maybe sleeping wrong or something. If you know me, you know I'm accident prone, and have had injuries such as popping my kneecap out of place while sleeping, or almost breaking my back bowling. Yeah, I'm that much of a wreck.

Anyway, so the elbow never got better, in fact kept getting worse, to the point it was shooting pains up into my shoulder and down into my wrist, and I was losing the ability to grip things.

This is not good. I drink coffee with my right hand, people

So I finally went to the doctor and he diagnosed a bad case of tennis elbow. This is where we insert a big ass WHAT THE FUCK??????? I've never played tennis in my life. I rarely play Wii tennis or anything else! The only repetitive movement I do with that arm is....using a mouse on the computer.

Any ideas how I'm not going to do that, long enough to allow this to heal??? Go ahead, I'll wait while you come up with suggestions.

Oh yeah and I can't take anti-inflammatories because they wreck my stomach. I am wearing a tennis elbow splint which is pretty much just a black band around my arm below the elbow that supposedly keeps the tendon in place and helps it heal. Doesn't seem to be doing much, frankly. I'd already been icing it regularly, and doing some stretching/physical therapy exercises I found online, but so far none of these tings are helping.

Then yesterday the doctor calls and says "Oh hey, yeah there's something showing up on your X-ray so you're gonna need to go see an orthopedist."

Sweet.

Not before Vegas I'm not.

So my bad arm that hurts like a mo-fo daily, combined with crap going on with my honey and my kid, and an abundance of stress at work....has me really, really, really needing this upcoming trip away.

Oh and before you ask....I don't *think* we're getting married in Vegas. Never say never, I guess. We could be walking by some chapel and decide to do it....but at this particular moment in time there are no plans.

If that changes, I have already promised my friends I would make sure it's at a place that has a webcam so ya'll can watch. Doesn't that just brighten your day? Hahhahahahahhaahhahahaha

Six more days til I see Linda Lou, Dr. Penny, and Darlene (Travel Girl). My honey and Linda Lou are gonna do an open mic stand up on Sunday night. How fun will that be?

I. Can't. Wait.

Let's just hope I don't have to use my right arm for anything.

Let The Good Times Roll

2011-09-06T04:43:00.001-04:00

My baby went back to Cincinnati to school.

I'm an empty nester again.

Stay tuned for Season Two of "Geezer's Gone Wild".

Breaking Bad For A Day

2011-09-01T01:05:00.000-04:00

If you watch Breaking Bad, you'll get a kick out of this:

That's right. My kid looks like a TV meth cooker.

Lovely.

I'm sooooooooooooo proud.

Three weeks from tomorrow....

2011-08-30T01:01:00.001-04:00

Hey baby let's go to Vegas....bet on love and let it ride...

Woohoo! Fun times with Linda Lou, Dr. Penny, and hopefully Darlene as well! I can't wait. Michael has never been to Vegas so it will be fun to show him around and see it through virgin eyes!

Other than that, nothing much to report or update you on. Jordan goes back to school this weekend, we are moving him on Sunday. It's funny, a year ago I was a pretty nervous Mom about this whole empty nest thing, but I got used to it pretty quick. Then he came home for summer and it was a whole new adjustment back to having him in the house full time! And now I've just gotten used to that, and he's leaving again....

So tell me what's been going on in your lives? I feel so bad that I haven't been blogging much at all recently. I always have good intentions, but bad follow through. Seems like something always takes precedence....

Happy Birthday, Mom

2011-08-20T08:54:00.001-04:00

You would be 87 today. I love you and miss you more than words can say.

Love, your baby.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I really can't love this any more than I do....

2011-08-17T17:42:00.001-04:00

It makes me laugh out loud every single time I watch it. Enjoy!

Friday Funny

2011-08-12T01:08:00.001-04:00

Happy Friday!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Anniversary, Hot Stuff!

2011-08-05T01:02:00.004-04:00

Dear Big T:

I'm not good with cards, especially mushy ones (we both know who the romantic one in this relationship is, and it's not this girl).

I contemplated showing you my love through interpretive dance, but then quickly realized that could be your deal breaker, thus making this our first and only anniversary.

So to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of us getting a second chance at Happily Ever After, I decided to do what I do best and write you a blog post.

Here goes:

On August 5, 2010, I came to see you at the Dolphin Lounge and watch you entertain the masses with your amazing humor and wit. And frankly, nothing says happy reunion like a dive bar in Gahanna. But I was quickly reminded why I fell in love with you fourteen years earlier. You make me laugh. And, you're really hot.

Two days later we went on our first real date....and it involved the Titanic. Now, some people might have seen that as a bad sign...but not us. We (and by we, I mean 'me') saw it as a great jumping off point for our new relationship, and we would either sink or swim. (OK I'm stretching it a little bit here, really I didn't give it a lot of thought until two months later when we booked a cruise, and then I got a little worried about starting this relationship out with a sinking ship and hoped it wouldn't end that way!)

The next day, I invited you to dinner with the family. Might as well get it out of the way right off the bat, right?

The next couple of weeks were spent getting to know each other again. And then one night we went to Cincinnati to gamble and have a great dinner....

....., and on the way home you made me an offer I couldn't refuse. For the sake of anyone else reading this, I won't detail that offer.

And that, my love, was when this thing kicked into high gear.

From that point on, we had a blast:

Sent the kid off to college:

But reminded ourselves where we started:

We went to Hocking Hills:

Gatsby's:

Another casino trip:

Making out somewhere during karaoke:

A hotel in Cincinnati where your 6 keeps showing up:

Went back to karaoke (Elizabeth is persuasive!)

Made out again:

Made out with friends this time:

But there's no grey area, it's all black and white with us, baby.

Celebrated my 50th:

And then really celebrated on the high seas:

You got bit by a Foo Dog:

And I got a vagina towel animal. WTF?

The number 6 was everywhere:

Except on my birthday. That was brought to you by the grossly inflated numbers 5 and 0...

We hung out in Costa Maya:

And Belize:

Had lots of fun in Roatan, Honduras:

....and I love you but you know I'm not letting a damn bird near ME:

Then it was on to Cozumel:

And the turtle tattoo idea was born:

One last picture in Cozumel:

And then it was our last night on the boat....

But we woke up in New Orleans on Bourbon Street:

We came home and made it official...and Big T & Little T were born.

We went to Luna Pier:

And Danica's wedding....

Spent July 4th in Granville....

....with our new Turtle Power friend.

Even got our cars into the act...

We lost someone we love, but I take great comfort in knowing she loved you dearly...and was so happy we found each other again.

And I know she's looking down on us, and smiling because we are together.

So this is my love letter to you.

Thank you for the best year of my life (so far). We've had a few bumps in the road, because let's face it, neither of us are perfect. But we are perfect for each other, and I've never been happier.

I can't promise you will ever get that hot Asian girl fantasy fulfilled, but I promise to give you my best in this relationship every single day.

Here's to this being the first of many amazing and wonderful years ahead of us.

I love you, baby.

Little T

There is hope for me yet.

2011-08-01T17:15:00.000-04:00

I may still get to be a stripper.

Finding Our New Normal

2011-07-25T02:51:00.002-04:00

Thanks everyone, for your kind words of sympathy in the loss of my Mom.

You know, I can't be sad. Mom had a long and lovely, happy life, and she is with Dad and Linda (my sister) and that makes me happy, if one can feel that emotion at a time like this.

I have a little story to share with you though....

Mom's favorite song was "At Last", by Etta James, she said it always reminded her of Dad. So about 10 minutes before she passed, I played it for her, because I knew wherever she was, she was on her way to dance with Dad again. The last line of the song "....and here we are, in heaven....for you are mine at last" was especially poignant to me.

So, Friday night after the memorial we had a family gathering out at my sister's house, and later that night when I was leaving, as I got in my car and started it, immediately "At Last" came on the radio (not something you hear a lot on XM!), followed by "Haven't Got Time for the Pain" by Carly Simon, who was my sister Linda's all time favorite artist! She was all Carly, all the time.

I just laughed, and took it as them telling me Mom made it okay, they were there together, and it's okay for me to go on and not hurt over it.

Funny how those things happen when you need them the most.

This one's for you, Mom. I hope you and Dad are still dancing.

She's dancing in heaven with Daddy now.

2011-07-19T08:39:00.000-04:00

I lost my beautiful Mom yesterday.

She is finally with my Dad again, and my sister, and her parents and sister and friends who went before her, and I cannot be sad for that.

But not ever seeing her sweet little smile, or hearing her call me her baby....well that makes my heart hurt.

I love you Mom. You were an amazing mother to me, and I learned all I know about being a mom from you. Thank you for loving me like you did.

I will miss you every day of my life.

My favorite quote today

2011-07-15T15:25:00.002-04:00

Frankly, this week sucks on so many levels.

I need a drink. Or 5.

Letting Go

2011-07-13T10:53:00.000-04:00

As some of you know, Mom has been steadily declining the past couple of days. We have been with her and will continue to be until the end, whether that is today, or tomorrow, or whenever God is ready for her. My family hasn't posted anything on FB about her yet, so not everyone was aware of this.

A dear friend sent me a beautiful email earlier today that I wanted to share with you. Please keep my Mom in your thoughts and prayers for a peaceful passing. We love her dearly, but we know Dad and Linda are anxiously waiting for her.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”

“Gone Where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!”

And that is dying.

If you follow my buddy Dana at Life Is Good....

2011-07-08T03:33:00.000-04:00

STOP right now.

She's no longer there.

(No, she didn't kick the bucket, for God's sake. She's just not blogging on her own blog anymore. LOL)

She was hacked, hijacked, whatever you want to call it, but her blog and email and all kinds of things were taken over by ~~family fucktards~~ people who had no business in her business.

She has a new blog now, so even if you see posts on Life Is Good, it's not her. So don't comment because she won't see them.

In an effort to protect my buddy, I will not post her new blog here. However if you are a follower and want to follow the new one, if you leave me a comment with your email address, I will make sure she gets a hold of you to hook you up.

Nobody deserves the crap she has been going through with "family", but like the Dana we all know and love, she's handling it with class, dignity, and a loaded .22 semiautomatic.

I kid, I kid.

It's a frickin shotgun. Don't mess with her, people.

Have a great weekend, all!

Mars versus Venus....there's no talking to either one!

2011-07-07T02:18:00.011-04:00

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.

The professor told his class one day, "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.

You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle BEAM FLASHED out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it's pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her Newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she wondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic WHOSE attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA???! Oh no, WHAT AM I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

A**hole

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ ......... I really liked this one.

Turtle Power 4th of July Style

2011-07-04T10:21:00.000-04:00

....and a great weekend was had by all.

Way to damn near scare me to death, kid.

2011-06-30T12:26:00.000-04:00

So, I had one of the worst times of my life yesterday.

Jordan and I were outside our house, and he was leaving to go run some errands, and I was picking up the trash cans from the end of the driveway to bring back to the house (yesterday was trash day, obviously). Literally, it was like 30 seconds after he pulled out of the driveway, and I had just walked up to my house when I heard the loudest, most horrific crash sound that I have ever heard in my life. I swear it almost shook the ground, the impact was so loud.

I knew immediately it was him. Just a mother's instinct I guess. I remember saying out loud "Oh God, no."

I turned and started running and thinking "OK has he had time to get through the light?" and then "OMG, what if someone broadsided him?. It was like slow motion, as I ran the block to the end of my street.

Then suddenly the neighbor boy is in front of me yelling "Miss Julie! Your son is in a wreck!" and pointing, and I starting panicking, because I had no idea how bad it was or if he was hurt. My 50 year old body has never ran so fast, and I have never prayed so hard, because I *heard* that crash, and I knew it wasn't a fender bender.

I turned the corner and all I saw was the back end of Jordan's car, and a car in front of him turned over and totaled. As I ran that block praying, all I could think was "Just let him be okay, God. Please just let him be okay". I swear it was the oddest sense of slow motion, I felt like I was running in place, like in a dream or something, and I couldn't seem to get to him fast enough.

Finally I saw my son standing off to the side and he was clearly okay. He had been at the red light, and some idiot across from him ran the light, and T-boned some poor 16 year old kid. That boy's car flipped over and hit Jordan's car, but by the grace of God it didn't roll again, or my son would be dead right now. Or gravely injured at the least.

I stopped running before I had a heart attack (LOL), and right then the cops and the paramedics showed up (we literally are two blocks from the police and fire stations in Gahanna), and thankfully everyone involved was okay. I am not sure how that young man crawled out of that overturned car with no injuries other than two scratches on his leg but he did.

Jordan was very upset, of course, that his car had been damaged, but as I tried to make him understand, it could have been SO much worse, and the car damage can be fixed. It's just a car, for heaven's sake. He could have lost his life or been permanently injured had he pulled 2' closer to the light or had been 2' further back because the rolling car would have crushed him either during the first roll, or would have rolled a second time, but thankfully his car was in the exact right spot to stop it from rolling again.

Here's a picture from the scene, Jordan's car is the red Mustang. You can't see the damage to the front end from this picture, but compared to the other two vehicles, it's not that bad.

I had a tough time last night, I just kept hearing the sound of that crash, and that boy saying "Your son's in a wreck". It was every parents worse nightmare and I keep reliving it over and over in my head. I am so thankful that he is okay, and that nobody was injured.

But I can tell you, that 60 seconds it took me to run two blocks was the worst minute of my life. I had no idea what I was going to see when I turned the corner and I have never prayed like I did in that moment.

Then, later I had half a bottle of wine and a Xanax. LOL Sometimes Mama's gotta do what she's gotta do to cope.

Vegas bound...and this time with someone I love!

2011-06-10T01:59:00.000-04:00

So, Honey and I are headed off to Vegas, baby!

He got two free nights at M Casino & Hotel that have to be used by the end of September, and my boss was sweet enough to give us two of his Southwest Reward tickets so our flights are free too!

AND...I get to stay at LindaLand for two nights as well as hang with Vegas Linda Lou and her hottie man.

AND THEN....turns out Dr. Penny will be there that weekend too. We've talked about going to Vegas together for 30 years and it's finally happening. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

AND ONE MORE THING....you may or may not recall from THIS POST that two years ago I went to Vegas to meet Linda Lou and our other blogging buddy Darlene (aka Travel Girl). Well guess the hell what? Darlene (and I assume her honey too!) is going to come to Vegas while we're there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you say....OMIGOD THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING????????

I am so damn excited I can't stand it! Three of my favorite women on the planet, all of whom I love like sisters, are going to be with me at the same time.

That is almost as good as a multiple...well, you know. Ooooooooooooooooo.

I'm excited for Linda and Darlene to meet Michael. I'm excited to see Penny, she's been gone like 9 months now and it will be a year by the time I see her out there. I'm excited to show Michael Vegas, as he's never been. And yeah we all know it's been a loooooooooooong time since I was out there with someone I love!!!!

So the countdown is on. 103 days. Can't wait!

Bad day at Hallmark

2011-06-06T07:07:00.002-04:00

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day?

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat..

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

(Boy, this card would have come in handy back when I got married!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ...

I've changed my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that is awkward.

2011-05-25T11:40:00.002-04:00

I do love me a funny man.

2011-05-19T06:00:00.002-04:00

So you may not know this, but my guy does stand up comedy sometimes. It's just a hobby, not a career, but I love watching him.

Last night we went to Cincinnati so he could be a part of the Funniest Person in Cincinnati contest. Unfortunately, he didn't move on to the next round (sonsabitches, it's a popularity contest, and Jordan and I could only scream and clap so loud!) but he did a great job as always.

Check him out. Keep in mind I videoed this with my iPhone so it's not the best quality....

Great job, babe. I'll always be your number one fan.

But stay away from my mother. :)

Yet another reason why I don't like birds.

2011-05-17T01:29:00.000-04:00

Happy Tuesday!

The happiest Mother's Day of all....

2011-05-09T12:49:00.000-04:00

I got to spend one more Mother's Day with my Mom.

Mom and three of her daughters. We miss you, Linda...there is always an empty place in every picture where you should be.

(Somebody asked me yesterday if I am Sue Ellen's daughter. (She's my oldest sister, in the pink shirt) Bwwwwwhahahahahahahaha. I'm the baby of the family. AND, for the first time ever, the most tanned. Booyah!)

There was a brunch at the nursing home, so we spent time with her in the morning. Mom isn't really very responsive these days. She's pretty quiet. She has a hard time having any sort of conversation. But she was here, and last year at this time we were in the hospital with her, and 100% sure it was our last Mother's Day together. "How" she is still here, I don't know. But I'm thankful for having her for one more.

I spent the rest of the day with the reason I am celebrated on Mother's Day. Being this kid's Mom is the greatest thing I ever did.

And getting to share a beautiful Sunday with the loves of my life fills me with unimaginable joy.

I hope your Mother's Day was just as nice.

Get in here and sing for me.

2011-05-04T01:19:00.024-04:00

My friend Dana over at Life Is Good had a great post today about a song that reminds of her a big life changing relationship event.

And I realized that we all have "that song", don't we? Not necessarily even one song, but many that remind of us of life events.

I have always connected music to things in my life. There are tons of songs that remind me of moments that I will never forget. Some good, some bad. Most are related to past and present men in my life (haha) but some are just other things that when I hear them, take me back to feelings I haven't felt for a long time.

Here's a few of mine....

'Everybody Wants You' by Billy Squier. An old boyfriend from back in the early 80's always told me this song reminded him of me. Mine for him is "Still The Same" by Bob Seger. I found out recently that he passed away about 5 years ago, and it really made me sad to think he's gone, but when I hear either of these songs, I smile at his memory.

'Leaving On A Jet Plane' by Peter, Paul & Mary. This song was playing in my sister's hospital room the very minute that we had to disconnect life support. I know this probably seems morbid to you that I think about it, but it was a really beautiful moment, because she LOVED to travel, and it was such an appropriate song. It is guaranteed to this day to make me cry when it comes on the radio, but if you look closely at me you will also see me grasping her hand just as I did that day in 2004 as we let her go. I swear I think she's reaching out and holding mine at that moment just to say hi.

'Push It' by Salt n Pepa. This one is an easy one, back in 1988 when my BFF Cheri was in labor with her son Alex, I kept singing this song to her. She tried to hurt me several times in between contractions. LOL

'At Last' by Etta James. This is my Mom's favorite song. She used to ask me to play it for her all the time. When I get married again, we will dance to it for her.

'You'll Think of Me' by Keith Urban. This song was popular the summer I was going through divorce hell. It was 100% appropriate for my situation. It still hurts when I hear it.

'Before He Cheats' by Carrie Underwood. I think this is self explanatory! Fortunately it was released in 2006, about 6 months after my divorce, so I had calmed down by then. Had it come out during that mess, I'd have definitely needed bailed out of jail because without a doubt I'd have dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive, and carved my name into his leather seats....

'Paradise By The Dashboard Light' by Meat Loaf. This song used to remind me of high school as it was released when I was a junior, however in the past year it's become the song that my BFF Elizabeth and my BBE (Best Boyfriend Ever) Michael sing during karaoke. Now, I can't hear it without seeing the two of them performing it and it makes me laugh out loud.

'Wicked Game' by Chris Issac. Oh, this song. When Michael and I first dated 14 years ago, we had an immediate connection that caught fire and blazed out of control. It was crazy. And after we broke up (ok after HE broke up with me) I would hear this song and it would drive me nuts...

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

(He says our song back then was 'Truly, Madly, Deeply', but I don't remember that. At best I'll give him 'All My Life' by K-Ci and JoJo. Whatev.)

So flash forward to last August, and we had gotten back together and were dating again, but hadn't taken "that next step", right? We were both trying to take it slow and keep our wits about us knowing that once it got to that level, it was gonna be game on. (Hey, I'm just being honest. We have an AMAZING physical connection!) So the weekend that we charged full speed ahead with our relationship, we were laying in bed talking and naturally this song comes on! (OK we weren't actually talking now that I think about it!) And I remember thinking that I hope this isn't a sign that I'm gonna get hurt again now that I've just gotten fully invested in this relationship, because I'm gonna be really pissed off if he breaks up with me AGAIN.

Lucky for him, 10 months later we're still going strong. But I still can't hear 'Wicked Game' without thinking of him and us. It's such a hot song. LOL

Here, now you can think about it to:

So tell me, what songs remind you of events in your life?

Trumped!!!!!

2011-05-03T00:04:00.000-04:00

Ahahahahahahahahaha. Good times.

Where's my damn blog motivation?

2011-04-29T04:12:00.001-04:00

I haven't blogged in almost two weeks.

That is completely unlike me. I try to post something at least weekly.

Remember the good old days when there was a new blog post every day? Yeah, me too.

I just don't have time anymore. Or frankly, the desire.

I love my life these days, I love being happier than ever, I love my guy and the life we are creating.

You'd think I'd wanna share that, wouldn't you?

I do, but yet I don't make time to.

Clearly, this is a pretty lame ass post as far as blogs go, and that's about all I have to offer these days.

I need to get blog-motivated again.

We Did It!

2011-04-18T01:15:00.000-04:00

And we love them!

His is bigger than mine, obviously. He had far more real estate on his leg to work from than I did on my ankle.

We are both happy as little clams with our new tattoos.

And bonded forever. LOL

As he said...you can take a ring off but a tattoo is a lifetime commitment! Hahahahahahaha

That's right, big boy, you're ~~branded~~ stuck with me now.

Oh, and he's already planning his NEXT tattoo....something on the other leg. Geesh, I've created a monster.

It's Official! My honey and I are....

2011-04-13T02:50:00.002-04:00

....getting tattoos together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we were on the cruise, we got henna tattoos on our wrists of a sea turtle.

(OK yes, for the last time....he hadn't had time to take his shoes/socks off when I snapped the picture of our wrists! Good God, this was a huge issue on Facebook that he had socks on at beach. I can assure you, he was taking them off. See his bare right foot between our arms!)

Back to the tattoo...

OK so we have a running joke between us about turtles. It started 14 years ago and has to do with "Turtle Power", and you can let your imagination wander about what it means. LOL I wanted a henna tattoo while we were in Honduras, but didn't get one, but at the next port which was Cozumel, I got one, and so did he. The guy freehanded the turtle and we both loved the design. Mine was on my left wrist, his was on his right, so when we held hands they touched.

Gag. LOL I know, I know.

Anyway, this is his. It was a little clearer design than mine, and you can see that the top is the head of the turtle and it's going up his arm....

I loved having mine on my wrist, I've been wanting a tattoo there for years and figured the best way to try it was a temp one like this. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

SOOOOOOO....Honey says "Let's make them permanent!"

And I agreed immediately.

Problem is, he can't have it on his wrist for professional reasons. We had a tough time agreeing where to put them, we kind of wanted them in the same places on our bodies but that's not gonna happen. Where he wants to put his, I either already have one, or don't want one there.

So we compromised, mine is going inside my left ankle, his is going outside of his right lower leg.

We get them on Saturday.

I'll post pictures on Sunday!

You gotta love a man who wants to get a tattoo with you. I reminded him this is *really permanent*, and that he will think of me every day for the rest of his life when he sees it, and he said...

"What makes you think I don't already? I'm the one who remembers everything about us from 14 years ago....you put it all out of your mind!"

The man has a point. In my defense, I truly believed I blacked it all out because it was too painful to remember how happy I was back then, when we had broken up and both gone on to other not-as-happy relationships.

Yeah, nothing says commitment like a tattoo, kids. You can take a ring off, but a tattoo is forever.

So you might notice something different about me....

2011-04-08T06:42:00.000-04:00

Well, about my blog...

Look up at the header.

That's right, things have changed. I am no longer 47 And Starting Over.

I'm now FIFTY AND FABULOUS!

Here's the thing. I started this blog at a really difficult time in my life, when I found myself suddenly single again, and trying to rebuild my world after a bad marriage to a cheating husband.

Flash forward three years, and I am happier than I've ever been in my life.

My son is in college, and doing well. I am madly in love with the Best Boyfriend Ever. And I have started a new decade, where as my ~~sister separated at birth~~ blogging buddy Linda Lou puts it, it's time to live life balls to the wall.

Not just existing. Not just living.

Balls to the wall, people.

So first things first, time for a little house cleaning. And that means getting rid of the 47 And Starting Over label. Because I started over, and I succeeded BEAUTIFULLY.

Now I'm living the life of my dreams, and it's amazing. Fab-u-loso.

I'm not going to officially change the blog name, I don't want to lose all my followers and friends who check in daily, so you'll still find me at the same link.

We'll all just know the truth. I'm Fifty. And I'm Fucking Fabulous. Woohoo!

Get yourself to a damn bookstore today!

2011-04-07T06:03:00.016-04:00

Look what I just read....

I know a lot of you follow Matt Logelin's blog as I do, and have for three years now. If you don't, you should. Get over there and become a follower. You won't regret it.

Matt's book is being released next week, but some places are already carrying it. I got mine Tuesday night, and I could not be more excited. As it is in the blogging world, total strangers become "family" and in Matt's case, he and Maddy are like relatives I just haven't seen for awhile, but I get to follow their lives online.

For those of you who don't know, Matt's daughter was born three years ago, and the next day his wife died suddenly without ever getting to hold their baby, leaving him a grieving new father. Heartbreaking, but he's truly an amazing guy, and has rocked fatherhood like you wouldn't believe.

Get to a damn bookstore and buy it, or order it somewhere. (You can click on the Amazon link upper right on my blog and purchase it!)

IT'S AMAZING.

Warning, do not bother with mascara while reading this. It will be all over your face.

Trust me.

And we're back.

2011-03-29T03:27:00.001-04:00

Returned safe and sound (and tanned and burned, depending on which one of us you are talking to) from our cruise.

A great time was had by all...it truly was the trip of MY lifetime. So far at least!

I'll do a blog post with more details and pics later this week, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things and adapt to this damn cold weather in Ohio.

I miss 85 degrees, sun, flip flops, and cocktails on the beach.

(That's my 50th birthday margarita and it was GOOD.)

So this is what FIFTY feels like?

2011-03-22T01:06:00.004-04:00

Greetings from Costa Maya, Mexico!

That's where I am today, turning FIFTY. Woohoo!

I'll post pictures later when I sober up. LOL But so far, so good. I'm fifty and fabulous, baby. And having the time of my life.

And....we're off!

2011-03-18T07:51:00.000-04:00

Caribbean here we come!

Flying to New Orleans tomorrow, and the cruise leaves from there Sunday.

You have no idea how excited I am! I have total work ADD....I can't concentrate on anything! Tonight we're celebrating my birthday early with friends at a local bar, but I'm hoping to maintain some sense of sobriety so that I don't have to fly hungover tomorrow!

I'll try and post once next week from one of the ports we're in (Costa Maya on my birthday Tuesday, then Belize, then Honduras, then Cozumel and back to New Orleans Sunday).

Until then, just imagine me with a tropical drink in one hand, being fanned with big palm fronds by ~~my boyfriend~~ a hot cabana boy, eating seafood and celebrating turning the BIG FIVE OHHHHHH.

Love you all, see you in a week!

I had a little Irish in me this weekend....

2011-03-14T01:40:00.003-04:00

OK I admit it, I was over served this weekend.

It was my friend Danica's annual St. Patrick's Day party. This was us when we left the house:

Yeah, we had on matching shirts. So? (insert gag factor here)

At the party, there were these amazing Gummy Bears soaked in vodka. Who knew you could make the equivalent of Jello Shots in that cute little format?

Yeah, you soak them in vodka for a week, and they kinda swell up and have the consistency of Jello. So fun!

You can eat A LOT of these and have no idea they're affecting you until suddenly you're drunk.

I was about 20 Gummy Bears in at this point:

I was verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry happy. LOL

Here's Danica and Elizabeth and me:

This one was a bottle of wine, 6 Jello Shots, and a thousand Gummy Bears later. I stopped letting people take my photo after that. Hopefully Danica doesn't have any incriminating ones of me that I'm not aware of.

This week is going to be crazy busy, trying to get everything done at work that I need to do, plus pack for the cruise.

Six More Days. OMG.

Ten Days...Ten Days!!!!!!

2011-03-10T01:26:00.002-05:00

So frickin excited.

We leave on the cruise in ten days.

I can't believe it's here already! It seems like just yesterday I posted the countdown clock, and there were 170 days or something! And now...ten.

NO excursions booked yet. Sigh. We can't seem to get our act together to do so.

But we upgraded to a cabin with a balcony (the cruise came with an inside cabin, and I'm way too claustrophobic for that!) so that will be nice.

Still tanning - not a lot of color change yet. I am still bitter that everyone in my family tans a golden bronze color (including my own child) but not me. Fair and freckled. It takes WORK to get a tan on this body. And we all know tanned fat is so much more attractive. LOL

Omigosh. Ten days. I haven't been this excited since....well...I don't know when!

All We Are Is Ducks In The Wind

2011-03-08T01:25:00.000-05:00

Funniest. Video. Ever.

Bless their little windswept hearts!

Now that's some Passion Fruit

2011-03-04T00:28:00.000-05:00

Try to eat that one like you do a banana. I dare you.

Ooooh the countdown is officially ON!

2011-03-01T01:39:00.000-05:00

It's March, people! You know that means...

19 days til our cruise. Yay!

21 days til I turn ~~fifty~~ forty ten! Yay!

(WTF am I yaying that for?)

We're going to sit down tonight and pick out excursions to do on the cruise. Got any suggestions? Other than swimming with the dolphins. While I'd love to do that, he's already done it with his last girlfriend (he's been on this ship before...sigh....I'm trying to forget that I know that) and so I'm all about making NEW memories, not reliving the old ones.

I want to do a zip line thing through the rainforest/jungle/whatever the hell all that crap is called in Belize and Honduras. He's a little iffy on that because he's afraid of heights. So am I, but I've decided that if I'm going to be ~~fifty~~ forty ten, I should start this new decade overcoming fears right?

In other news...I've started my pre-cruise tanning. Yeah yeah yeah, I know it's bad for me. So is getting fried by the Caribbean sun, which I will be out in for seven days. With all the other shit I've done to my body over the years, and crap I put into it, I'm fairly certain a tanning bed isn't what's gonna kill me in 40 years.

Oooh, and I did some cruise clothes shopping this weekend! Got us both new bathing suits, and him new shorts and shirt, and me a slinky sex long halter dress for my 50th birthday dinner (damn, there's that F word again!) It makes me look like my boobs are ginormous as you can see, and yes I have on a shrug thingy with it....I'll brave the halter part when the bat wings under my upper arms are tanned. LOL

Let's see, I think that's all the news for now. I'll be back later with updates on what excursions we picked!

This will NEVER be acceptable in my world.

2011-02-25T01:01:00.000-05:00

I can tolerate a lot of things.

But this...no.

Someone needs to tell my beloved boyfriend that if he insists on wearing this type of thing on his feet, he will be doing so as a single man.

(NO, this is not a picture of him. I just found one online as an example of the horror.)

He tried this once. Oh yes he did. Snuck one by me. I was blinded by love, I tell ya.

This fall, when he had a comedy gig, I didn't realize until we got there that he had these frickin sandals on with dark socks.

Thank God he had jeans on to basically cover up his feet, but still. Had I noticed them, he'd have never left the house like that.

I. Don't. Do. Nerd.

I'm sorry, I just don't. I was married to a total computer geek but at least he had decent taste in footwear.

(That's one of the few good things I have to say about the man.)

So please, somebody warn my guy that if he insists on wearing sandals with socks, we will not be seen in public together.

And could you please warn him BEFORE we set sail to the Caribbean in 23 days? If he's okay with this look, I'm truly fearing the rest of the Cruise Couture.

You don't wanna piss these girls off

2011-02-23T01:32:00.001-05:00

Thanks to my buddy Coffypot for letting me steal this. OK it's not like he had a choice, I did it without asking. I can outrun him.

27 days.

2011-02-21T01:49:00.000-05:00

I. Can't. Wait.

Seven Years.

2011-02-18T01:41:00.000-05:00

(Our last picture together. Ignore the wedding dress...I do!)

In loving memory of my sister Linda. There hasn't been a day in the past seven years that I haven't thought of you, and missed you like crazy.

I know Jordan misses her too. From the time he was a baby, she was his "Nina" (he couldn't say Linda when he was little, so he called her Nina, and then it sorta stuck as a description of who she was to him....as in "that's my Nina". And he was Gordo....(not really my favorite nickname for Jordan!) and I was "The Jewel".

I know I tell you guys all the time how much I miss her. I can tell you with total honesty that time doesn't heal anything, it just helps you accept your new normal without someone. I think of Linda every day, and I feel her with me all the time. There is a very big hole in our family where she should be, and our lives have never been the same without her. And I miss her like nobody's business.

So today, I hope she's in heaven with a box of her favorite red wine, a pack of Merit cigarettes, and some Carly Simon blaring on the radio, and knowing without a doubt how desperately we wish she were here.

You are loved, my dear. Today, tomorrow, and forever.

Love, Jewel and Gordo

Do NOT Try This At Home. I Repeat....DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

2011-02-15T01:52:00.001-05:00

First and foremost...Jordan, if you are reading this, exit out of it now and go to class. This is NOT for your eyes. Trust me on this one.

Okay so yesterday was Valentine's Day, right? A day for lovers. And something crazy happened to two people very close to me..... "my friends" Angelina and Brad. (No, it's not Michael and me. I would never divulge something this personal about US in a public forum. It's Brad and Angie. Go with it.)

This was Brad and Angie's first Valentine's Day together and as such, Angie thought it would be fun to spice things up a bit during their sleepover.

So she got Brad the above referenced KY Yours & Mine as a gift. Now, according to the box, here's what's supposed to happen:

His excites. Hers delights. Together feel them ignite. What is it? It takes two lubricants to make chemistry, to make magic, to make love. An invigorating warming sensation for him. A thrilling tingling sensation for her. Put the two together for a totally new, unexpected experience. It's more exciting. More satisfying. More everything.

Sounds fantastic! They decided to give it a whirl!

Cut to their bedroom, and things are heating up if you get my drift. So there they were, all primed and ready to rock, so Angie puts Brad's stuff on him, which is supposed to generate the "warming" effect, and he applies hers, which is the anticipated "tingling" effect and off they go.

Fairly quickly Angie remembers thinking "OK, I don't really feel tingling. It's more cold than anything else." But she carries on, and waits for the tingling to start, assuming Brad is feeling the "warmth" that his was supposed to deliver. Meanwhile, she's getting colder and colder down there, like somebody is rubbing an ice cube all over her.

After about 5 minutes, Brad stops and says "Baby, I don't feel anything" and Angie was like "I know! I don't feel tingling or anything either" and he says "No, I mean I don't feel *anything*. I'm numb". LOLOLOLOL

Angelina started laughing and said "OMG, so am I! I thought it was just me! It's so cold down there, yet it's like a burning cold if that makes sense!!", to which Brad responds "Tell me about it, I feel like I'm fucking Peppermint Patty" and they officially lost it. At this point they were laughing so hard they were crying, and lamenting how their "special first Valentine's night" hadn't quite turned out the way they planned.

So after about 15 minutes, Brad says "OK let's see if it's worn off an we can make something happen now" and attempts to head south, thinking he will rev Angie up with a little foreplay, at which time she starts screaming "No, don't do that! You'll end up with your entire mouth numb like you've just had a root canal!" The visual in both of their heads of him coming up for air with a face full of Novacaine sends them into convulsions of laughter and promptly puts an end to Geezer's Gone Wild Night.

Eventually they give up on the idea of their sexy Valentine's romp, and decide that at this age, it's best to stick with the tried and true stuff and leave the experimenting to the younger crowd.

Consider this a public service announcement. You're welcome.

You give me a raging heart on.

2011-02-14T07:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day, baby! You color my world with love....

(OMG, seriously....I've become "that girl", who is cheesy and sickening on Valentine's Day? Egads. For those of you hurling on my blog right now, I feel you. I'd do the same if it wasn't me who's all smushy and lovey dovey and crazy mad for this man!)

Ain't love grand?

More fun for your typographical pleasure

2011-02-11T17:54:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday!

I am sooooooooooo trying this tonight.

2011-02-08T01:37:00.001-05:00

You have NO sense of humor if this doesn't make you laugh out loud today!

Recently I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..

Here's how it all went down...

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said...

What's for dinner, Zorro?"

This happens to me all the time....

2011-02-02T06:53:00.002-05:00

For those of you with iPhones, you know how easily the auto correct spelling feature can get you in trouble! Here's a few great examples of what can happen...

Have you had any funny missteps with your auto correct features?

Personalized Tote Bags – Simply Bags

2011-02-01T07:22:00.001-05:00

Thanks to my friends at Simply Bags, I am now a stylin' bag lady!

Check out my new sexy black tote!

How cool is that? It's got my monogram and everything!

This bag is great, it's huge and has plenty of room for whatever you need to carry. I plan on taking it on the cruise with me next month!

Seriously, it will make a great carry on for the plane ride because it is so roomy, and I can stash all kinds of things in it. It's made out of a heavy canvas'ish material, has a zippered top, and a couple of pockets inside. I love it!

Bob and his wife have a fabulous selection of personalized bags on their website and are very reasonably priced. They should be charging way more for the quality of these bags!!!

Be sure to check out SIMPLY BAGS and tell them your favorite bag lady (me!) sent you.

Hot Damn I'm Happy

2011-01-25T07:30:00.003-05:00

Like seriously, dude. I'm happy as hell.

Not only in my romantic life (which is fanfuckingtastic), but just overall. I'd do one of those little Lucky Charms side heel clicks if I were only coordinated enough and wouldn't break something in the process!

Yesterday I closed a house, and was reminded again how much I really do enjoy selling real estate. And that commission check certainly added to my joy as I deposited it into my bank account today. I really need to work on marketing myself this year, and getting a few more transactions under my belt. It's a great source of additional income, and something I enjoy doing. Hello Captain Obvious....so go DO IT.

Our cruise is 54 days away, and I am getting SO FRICKIN EXCITED! We're looking into excursions at the various ports now. The itinerary changed a bit, instead of being on at sea on my actual birthday, we'll be in Costa Maya, Mexico. So we'll find some fun little thing to do there. The next stop in Belize, I found a great zipline/rappelling tour thing that we've gotta do!

(Forget the fact that I'm scared of heights, and the zipline soars over the treetops of the rainforest!)

I don't have any overwhelming desire to "swim" with dolphins, and I don't know how to scuba or snorkel, but there are a kajillion other options at the various ports, so I know we'll have a blast.

AND...we booked our airfare Sunday and I really am happy about that....I've been watching flights daily for the past month and could never find anything under $450 per person for us. Sunday, I decided to check as we were watching TV, and with a little compromise on time, we booked them for $250 each. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The nice thing is that we get off the ship at 8am on Sunday the 27th, and then will have all day in New Orleans (Hello Bourbon Street!) to enjoy the sites and then fly out Monday morning.

Let's see....what else....

Oh yeah, my beloved boyfriend TEXTED ME today.

Now, you may not find that newsworthy, until you understand that he has refused to text for the entire six months we've been together. He doesn't like it, he doesn't want to communicate that way, and he's flat out said...NO, I won't do it. (You have to realize, he would really prefer to not even carry a cell phone, and the one he has is like the Pinto of cell phones...old and beat up and not technologically advanced at all!) I text him on occasion because he'll read them, he just won't respond.

So today I'm driving along in my car and my text goes off, and when I picked up my phone and saw his name and the message, for a minute it didn't dawn on me *what* it was....then all of a sudden I was like "OMG, I just got a text from Michael!" And then I almost wrecked my car. LOL

The best part was that it was a cute little text reminding me of something that happened this past weekend, so not only was it sweet that he was thinking about me, and sweeter that he was making me laugh with what he said, but sweetest of all was that it came via TEXT.

My God, there is hope after all. Hahahahahahahahahaha. (If you're reading this blog post, I love you, honey! Thank you for the text and I promise if you send me more, I won't turn every one of them into blog fodder!)

I love my life. And I *love* being happy.

Admitting you're an asshole is the first step.

2011-01-18T01:20:00.000-05:00

Just got a comment on my other blog post from some ~~complete fucktard~~ quirky little fella at a blog about boycotting American women:

"I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!"

Dear Boycotter:

Thanks for the comment. And allow me to say, with all due respect....fuck off, pencil dick. Chances are there isn't an American woman out there who has any desire to deal with an idiot like you.

Love, Julie.

Gotta love the crazy commenters.

Attention Cruisers!

2011-01-13T00:23:00.001-05:00

Our cruise is 66 days away.

I am not prepared! I'm excited, but not prepared! I don't really know what to expect, and I worry about getting seasick!

So we're going to be on the Norwegian Cruise ship "Spirit". Have any of you been on it? Talk to me about cruises you've taken. Give me tips, hints, shortcuts, things I should know. I have to book us flights to New Orleans, what time should we return....if the cruise docks at 8am how quickly we will be off it and able to get to the airport?

Talk to me, peeps.

Weekly Weigh In

2011-01-10T12:06:00.001-05:00

OK I've been back on Weight Watchers for a week, and today was my first weigh in.

I'm proud to report that....

I lost 3.1 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay me!!!!!!!!!!!! I can live with that!

Hello 2011. I've been waiting for you!

2011-01-05T00:46:00.003-05:00

2011 is going to be an AMAZING year for me.

I can just feel it.

Don't you love it when you already know something will be fantastic, and it turns out even better than you dreamed?

That's what this year will be for me.

Just wait and see.

In other news, the Cruise Diet has officially started! We have 74 days until we take off to the Caribbean for my ~~50th~~Forty Tenth birthday, and we have both gained weight in the five months we've been together!

What happened to working all that weight off with sexercise????????? LOL I should be 120 lbs by now!

He's put on 10, I've put on 5, and neither of us are happy about it. So he's doing portion control and I'm officially back on Weight Watchers, and we'll see if we can hit our goals by the time we leave March 20th. I think his is 15 lbs, mine is 20.

So, back to 2011....

Yeah, it's gonna rock. Don't ask me why, or how, or what's going to happen. I know, but I'm not telling. I'm creating my own fantastic life as we speak.

What's the New Year got in store for you? Tell me here and now, and then at the end of the year I'll post everyone's comments and we'll see who really created the life of their dreams!!!!!

Ready....go!

Julie takes a look back at 2010

2010-12-31T00:20:00.059-05:00

~ What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before? Finally changed my way of thinking. Started believing in myself, and creating the life that I had always wanted to have but somehow never did.

~ Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I resolve to stop making resolutions. I suck at them. They last about 20 minutes into the New Year. This year, I figure if my resolution is to make no more resolutions, I'm good to go.

~ Did anyone close to you give birth? Like, physically close to me? No, I have not actually witnessed childbirth this year. My immediate family has not expanded, but I have nieces and nephews getting to that age where the thought is undoubtedly crossing their minds!

~ Did anyone close to you die?  Amazingly enough, no. My Mom is still with us, and we never dreamed she would be, They sent her home from the hospital in June with "two days to two weeks" to live. It's been six months now and yet it's truly still just a day to day thing at this point. She's more than ready to go. I just wish God would listen to her prayers.

~ What countries did you spend time in this year? Um, I'm pretty sure I've been landlocked this year. My passport has nothing on it. (That will change in March though!) Went to Vegas in May, and that was pretty much my only vacation this year. Work kicked my ass and kept me too busy to take time off.

~ What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? A booming real estate business so that I can pay off bills, for helping Jordan with college, and adding stamps to my passport. Continued growth with my "change your thoughts, change your life" as some days I still revert back to negative thinking out of habit. And my love relationship getting better and better every single day.

~ What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?  Well, I re-met the love of my life in August, and in September my son went off to college. Those were two pretty big events in my life this year. Both life changing but in good ways.

~ What was your biggest achievement of the year?  Letting go of my past finally, and making room for true love to come into my life. I wish it hadn't taken me so long, but everything happens when it's supposed to, and clearly this was the right time. I walked away from that situation in May, and spent the summer learning to be happy with just me. And then I started dating Michael August 7th. And the rest is history!

~ What was your biggest failure? I don't believe in failure. Some things may not have worked out the way I planned or hoped, but some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

~ Did you suffer any serious injury or illness? Nope. Feeling good!

~ What was the best thing you bought? An early plane ticket home from Vegas...it was the end of an error. It was by far the best $400 I have ever spent in my life.

~ Whose behavior merited celebration? My son, of course. He's doing great at UC, maintaining his mega weight loss from last year, and just makes me proud every single day to be his Mom.

~ Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed? Who am I to judge? My ex was always the source of appalling behavior for the past ten years, and earlier this year was no exception. But in retrospect, I am grateful that he is who he is, because he did me a favor by acting in ways that were so unacceptable to me that I had no choice but to move on. And in doing so I fell madly in love with "the one that got away" 13 years ago. So, for that I thank him. And I wish him well. Bwahahahahhahaha.

~ Where did most of your money go? Credit card bills. And Starbucks. I have an addition to iced caramel macchiatos, skinny, upside down. A big chunk went to getting my kid out the door and off to school, and now I pay child support to him. LOL It was cheaper to keep him at home!

~ What did you get really, really, really excited about?  I was very excited for Jordan to go off to school, only because I knew how excited he was about it. I was afraid the empty nest might kill me, but turns out that it wasn't empty after all with my new man here all the time!

~ What do you wish you'd done more of?  Live in the moment. I'm a worrier, always have been, but it was even worse this past ten years with my ex because I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop ~~and my life to explode around me again at his diabolical hands~~ . Once he was out of the picture, it took me a long time to just...relax. Especially being in a new relationship. Rather than constantly looking for land mines, I wish I'd just been able to trust right off the bat that he wasn't going to do the things my ex did. It took me several months before I could exhale. And now I trust again, I believe in love again, and I will get married again. Six months ago I don't think I could have said anything of those things honestly.

~ What do you wish you'd done less of?  Working. I mean, I need the paycheck, but I discovered this year that a lot of my "on call" status at work was simply due to me not having a life! I made work my 24 hour a day job, and this fall when Jordan left for school and Michael and I were cementing our relationship, I lost all motivation to make my job anything but a 9-5 deal. No more staying late, no more responding to emails on nights and weekends. I've even stopped some of my textual relationships. LOL I have better things to do with my time now!

~ Did you fall in love in 2010? Oh. Yes. I. Did. Madly, truly, deeply! And I am thankful every day for it. He's an amazing man, he makes me laugh and treats me like a queen. He's everything I ever imagined my partner to be (which is why he was always my "one that got away" for the last 13 years) and I'm so grateful to have a second chance at happily ever after. Long Live Turtle Power. (It's a private joke.)

~ How many one-night stands? Duh, just one. It's on the right side of my bed. Oh wait, not that kind of night stand? Then the answer is a proud "NONE".

~ Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?  I don't hate. That level of internal poison causes wrinkles that I can't afford to have! There are a couple of people that I am not overly fond of but karma will take care of them. Meanwhile, for me, living well is the best revenge!.

~ What was the best book you read? 'Infinite Possibilities: The Art of Living Your Dreams' by Mike Dooley. It's all about changing your thoughts and creating a new life for yourself. I am living proof that it works.

~ What did you want and not get? Botox. And Restylane. Hey, I'm being honest. My face has fallen further than Obama in the polls.

~ What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Well I was 49 on my birthday in March, and I have no idea what I did! But I can tell you where I'll be on March 22, 2011. I'll be turning 50 on a cruise ship in the Caribbean! Woohoooooooooooooooooo!

~ What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I'd lost the rest of the weight I started losing in 2009. I fell off the wagon, and haven't been able to get back on.

~ What political issue stirred you the most? Don't get me started. We are all entitled to our opinions, but I don't force mine down your throat and I'd really appreciate you not forcing yours down mine. Thank God for the delete button in emails. For the record, I am a registered Democrat. I voted for Obama. If you have a problem with him, discuss it with the rest of your Republican friends, and keep your conspiracy theories to yourself. I didn't forward a bunch of shit about George Bush to everyone back in the day, so give me the same courtesy please. Thanks. In a related note, if God forbid Sarah Palin gets elected President, I will be relocating to another country. But no worries, I won't email you about it. You'll be getting enough from your friends wondering what kind of mess you've gotten yourselves into and how to get out of it!

~ Who did you miss?  I miss my sister all the time. So many things I want to share with her. I want her to see Jordan and be as proud as I am. Life is just not the same without her. I also miss seeing my son every day! We talk on Face Time (it's a Skype like thing on our iPhones) a couple of times a week when he's away at school, but when you've seen somebody every day for 19 years, going a few weeks without seeing them is tough. Especially on a mom who's life has revolved around her kid for so long. But I survived it, and even learned not to text him every night to make sure he was safely in his dorm room so that I could go to bed and actually sleep. LOL

~ Who was the best new person you met?  OK he's not a "new" person, but after 13 years apart, and each of us being in long term...."unsuccessful" relationships (that's a nice way to put it!), Michael and I are not the same people we were back when we dated before. So meeting up again was in a way like meeting a new person, who just happened to be very familiar. It was great not having to go through the awkward "getting to know you" phase of dating, though!

~ Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Anger and bitterness ages you faster than anything. This year I have really let go of my past, forgiven those who wronged me, and started looking forward with excitement and anticipation. My life has done a 180 this year, and while there have been a lot of changes in it, I can honestly say I have never been as happy as I am right now.

~ What sums up this year? (a word, a quote...?) Joy. Bliss. Happiness. At Last.

Happy New Year, readers! My wish for you all is that 2011 brings you the life you've dreamed of, and that you have a healthy and prosperous New Year!!! Thank you for the light you shine into my life and I hope that I bring something to yours as well.

Happy birthday, baby!

2010-12-30T00:01:00.000-05:00

Wishing you an amazing 48th birthday today. I love you!

(You make those paws look hot. Rawwrrrrrrrrrrl)

And just because I love to play with Photo Shop, here's my other favorite photo right now:

And this:

And being the Best Girlfriend Ever, I'll even give you this:

(Dude, exactly where is that finger??)

Have a great day, babe. Here's to the first of many birthdays we spend together.

The Best Day Of My Life

2010-12-27T00:01:00.001-05:00

December 27, 1990 was the best day of my life.

Last year, I wrote about it HERE.

Today, I look at those pictures and wonder where the time has gone.

How can my "baby" be twenty?

He's no longer a child. Or a teen. He's an adult. No, I mean really an adult now....

He's a college student, and I could not be prouder.

He's a brother, a nephew, a cousin, a grandson. He's a best friend to a great group of young men and women.

But most importantly, he's a son.

He's MY son.

And I love him more than life itself.

So today, on this 20th anniversary of his birth, I celebrate the baby who came into my life two weeks past his due date (and has rarely been on time for anything since), the toddler who made me laugh constantly with his goofy smile and "creative" antics, the teenager who didn't give his Mom a whole lot to worry about, (or at least, didn't tell me til he was 18 and decided to come clean about a few things!) and the adult who is just at the start of his future. A future that I cannot wait to be a part of, to watch unfold, to see who he becomes and what amazing things life holds in store for him.

I love you, Jordan. You are my light, and the love of my life. Thank you for making me the happiest, and proudest Mom ever.

Holiday Eating Tips

2010-12-23T04:02:00.001-05:00

Pay attention, peeps. I'm only saying this once.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. In fact, add some rum to it if you can. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season....eat, drink and be merry!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time for the office Christmas party!

2010-12-21T01:47:00.000-05:00

Friday Funnies - Now this one is good!

2010-12-17T04:07:00.001-05:00

I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke. Thanks, Dr. Penny!

Today's word is................. Fluctuations

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh, no kidding! He's met you people.

2010-12-15T17:08:00.002-05:00

Keep away from my chimney, Santa.

2010-12-13T01:53:00.005-05:00

Ever wonder what Santa looks like in the summer months?

I do not want that man coming once a year anywhere near me.

Ho Ho Hell No.

(Yes, I am recycling old blogs. Sorry for the shortage of new material. Or, I'm just lazy. LOL)

The start of something big

2010-12-08T07:15:00.000-05:00

I have a love/hate relationship with my TV. I love it when it works, hate it when it doesn't.

It's a 52" hi def projection thingy, and I bought it five years ago when I got divorced, and for the past four years, the frickin projection bulb blows out every ten to twelve months, to the tune of $250 to replace it. Sigh.

And, you guessed it, it blew again on Sunday. Girlfriend here was NOT happy. But in the midst of my ~~pissed off rant~~ angst over it, my guy says quietly....

I'll just bring my TV over.

Oh. Oh!!! Okay. And it was decided shortly after that I would just sell my TV instead of continuing to throw more money at it. At this point with yet another new bulb I'd have spent more maintaining the damn thing than I did buying it in the first place. Meanwhile, his is only a few months old, it's just as big but a nicer plasma TV, and since doesn't have cable he only uses it to play video games a couple of times a week.

And, he's at my house far more than he is his own, so it makes perfect sense to bring it over.

That's when I gulped.

Big gulp.

Sell my TV? But what if six months from now we don't like each other anymore and you take it back, and I'm left without one? I'm gonna be pissed that I didn't just spend $250 and keep mine!

(Go ahead....give me a rousing chorus of "Then just buy a new one, dingbat".)

So, as he pointed out, this wasn't really about the TV, this was more about me being unsure of his/our future in this relationship....and surely him readily offering it up should give me some indication of his faith in us, and commitment to the cause, right? As he said "I mean, it's no ring, but it's a nice TV". LOLOLOL

OK good point. Moment of panic officially over.

So the TV is being moved today. Lots of clothes have already migrated to my house, and now furniture is making it's way in. I think this is the official start of something big, don't you?

In other news, I woke up to my house being 58 degrees this morning. Really, the furnace goes out on a day that we're going to have a high temp of 24?????

Wonder if my honey would move his furnace to my house as well? LOL

Wait, is that the Christmas spirit moving me?

2010-12-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

The tree is up and presents are starting to appear

We bought our First Christmas ornament together. It's a turtle, and there is personal meaning behind it that goes back to when we first dated 13 years ago. Let's call it Turtle Power and leave it at that...LOL

We were out with friends Friday night....

And I can't keep my hands off the guy. Aw, aren't we cute?

I think this was the same night...by the time Michael and Elizabeth were doing karaoke, I had been overserved and needed my glasses on. LOL

A couple of weekends ago we went to Cincinnati so Michael could do a stand-up gig, and at the hotel we stayed in, they put us on the sixth floor. Since 6 is his lucky number (it's really bizarre how often it shows up in his life!), we had to snap a photo...

This one was in October when we went to the Grand Victoria casino for the weekend..

You can't tell I like this fella, can you? LOL

Get a room, people. :)

It's going to be a really great Christmas. I can feel it....

Really? December already????????

2010-12-01T02:25:00.003-05:00

I am NOT ready for the holidays. Wasn't I just wearing flip flops??????

OK well truth is, my tree is up....and I have started a little shopping. "Little", being the operative word there. I hate shopping, you people know this about me! I always wait til the last minute, or shop online. Can't. Stand. Crazy. Christmas. Shoppers.

Jordan is easy to shop for this year. He wants an Apple gift card for the new version of iPad when it comes out in the spring.

My challenge is buying for Michael. You know the feeling....in love and wanting to buy everything you see? I have to seriously edit myself.

But really, let's face it....he's got ME. What more could he really need?

I can't say Butterball with a straight face.

2010-11-23T01:34:00.001-05:00

I expect you all to say at least one of these things during Thanksgiving dinner:

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

"Talk about a huge breast!"

"It's Cool Whip time!"

"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"Are you going to come again next time?"

"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

"Don't play with your meat."

"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"How many are coming?"

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."

"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

Thinking of you all at Thanksgiving and wishing you the Happiest Day!

I feel very blessed this year. 2010 has been wonderful to me in so many ways. I have created an amazing life for myself, and am so lucky to have family and friends who surround me with love.

I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and as you count your blessings today please say a prayer for all of our servicemen and women who aren't with their families today, but are standing guard protecting ours.

Love to all...

This does not make me happy.

2010-11-19T07:40:00.000-05:00

Sneezing. Coughing. Stuffy nose. Head feels like it's in a vice grip.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, I slept wrong and have a strained neck/back muscle.

Not happy today.

Would much rather stay home in bed today.

Is it wrong to enjoy this?

2010-11-15T04:29:00.000-05:00

Friend: So yeah, your ex supposedly has a new girlfriend.

Me: Yeah? Good for him. I hope he's happy.

Friend: He posted it on FB. I clicked on it, but all that's there is her picture, no other info. Just her with red lipstick and a pink shirt. Sorta looks like him in drag.

Me: Did she come with a pump and a patch kit???

Friend: Hahahahahahahahahahha....no, the good ones are filled with foam.

Then my BFF saw the picture and chimed in:

Poor thing, she looks so innocent. Like a little pink sweatered lamb being led to slaughter.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! That made me laugh out loud.

What's new, you ask?

2010-11-08T01:54:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile since I did an "it's all about me" update so in case you're wondering what's new....here goes.

First of all, I'm ridiculously in love (as you have probably noticed from my recent posts the past three months).

Sigh. Life is amazing. And love the second time around is phenomenal.

Seriously, I do consistently have this stupid smile on my face, and I'm okay with that. I spent a long time wondering if I'd ever feel this way again, and trust me, I'm perfectly happy letting the world know that, indeed...I am happier than I've ever been.

We're busy planning our holidays and juggling spending time with both of our families. His family lives in Toledo so we'll be going north a few times over the next couple of months.

And then, of course....our Caribbean cruise in 132 days. Yay! You have no idea how excited I am about that.

So yeah, madly in love. See it, imagine it, believe it....and it will happen.

I've adjusted to the empty nest thing better than expected. I thought it would be a lot harder. Of course I spend a lot of time just assuming Jordan is in his dorm room studying. And not out partying. Until I see those FB posts about Everclear. Sigh.

Speaking of my favorite kid, he's home right now because he's been sick for like two weeks, and I finally made him go to Urgent Care yesterday. They are thinking gastritis or possibly an ulcer. Either of which can be contributed to/inflamed by excessive drinking. Hello college life! Looks like somebody I know and love better start taking better care of his health....

Work is work. Hopefully the busy/crazy/6 months of hell is over and this last two months of the year will be calm and stress free. Wait...gotta kick my positive thinking into play. This last two months of the year WILL BE calm and stress free! (And if it's not, there's always wine.)

My Mom is hanging in there. I can't believe she's still with us, truly I'm shocked. She's continually losing weight, and she kind of goes up and down mentally and physically. Hospice seems to be taking great care of her. This past week hasn't been a very good one for her, and yesterday she talked to me again about how she can't wait to wake up and be with my Dad again, and see her parents and her sister and of course, my sister Linda. And I want that for her. She has no quality of life anymore. We can't even take her out (even if she had the strength to help us get her in and out of a wheelchair) because she's on oxygen full time. She gets up long enough to go to the dining room and eat, and the rest of the time she is in bed sleeping. Literally, she sleeps for about 22 out of 24 hours a day. I just wish her body would let go. Her mind, her soul, her heart are ready to move on. And I want what she wants.

I was going to end this update with some pictures taken this past couple of months. Goofy stuff. However Blogger seems to want to only post them sideways. While I don't mind, I didn't want you to get a crick in your neck and blame it on me. So I'll figure it out and post 'em next time.

God, I love this life I have created for myself. Why on earth didn't I do it sooner??

I think this was written just for me.

2010-11-02T00:57:00.002-04:00

Funny how the road twists and turns in life. But thank God for the ride!

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Think it, see it, say it. BELIEVE IT.

Done!

Something to remember.

2010-10-31T09:14:00.000-04:00

‎"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith" ~Mary Manin Morrissey

I needed to read this right now.

If only this were true.

2010-10-22T01:13:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday!

The answers you've been waiting for.....

2010-10-20T04:26:00.012-04:00

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

(Now that's a funny short joke!)

Dance with me....

2010-10-15T01:51:00.007-04:00

Happy Friday everyone! Get your dancing shoes on!

Going away this weekend with the honey for Sweetest Day. Looking forward to an amazing time with the man I love!

Might do a little dancing myself...

Baby, let's cruise.....away from here.

2010-10-11T02:01:00.001-04:00

See this lovely little floating paradise? I'll be on it in 159 days!

Yes, I am spending my 50th birthday on a cruise to the Caribbean with my honey. We'll be in Costa Maya, Mexico on my actual birthday, then the next day Belize, then some islandy place in Honduras, then Cozumel, then back to our starting point of New Orleans.

I. Can't. Wait.

I've always wanted to take a cruise, and I hate to keep preaching on this whole positive thinking thing, but a couple of weeks ago I stopped "wanting" to do it, and started picturing myself on the boat. Because, according to Dr. Penny, I needed to stop focusing on why I couldn't go or haven't gone by now (too expensive, etc.) and not worry about how or why I would end up going...just see myself doing it.

Out of the blue, Michael came home last week and said he had gotten a cruise as a perk from one of the casinos he used to frequent. We just had to pay airfare to New Orleans.

Wow, I didn't see that coming! LOL

So, less than two weeks after I started changing my thoughts and seeing myself cruising the Caribbean with a drink in one hand, and my guy at my side....it's booked.

This "change your thoughts and change your life" thing is blowing my mind.

And the idea of turning 50 has just gotten so much more exciting!

Well, that about sums it up.

2010-10-08T16:42:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you have a great weekend planned!

Caution....Mood Swing Ahead

2010-10-06T01:30:00.009-04:00

I strongly dislike menopause.

(I would have said "fucking hate" but I'm trying to clean up my language.)

I can deal with the hot flashes. I don't have that many of them, and usually they wake me up at like 3am, and I just kick all the covers off of me (and my guy, if he's there!) and let my constantly-running-on-medium ceiling fan cool me down for a minute. Hot flash over, back to sleep.

I've learned to deal with the change in my hair. What used to be thick and curly with lots of body is now much thinner, flatter and straighter. It takes work to have a good hair day.

I can even deal with the pudge. The wrinkles. The body parts that have fallen and can't get up.

But the mood swings? Sweet Jesus. They are killing me.

The good news is that I don't have a LOT of them. It's not like it's daily! But about once every couple of weeks, I'm a cranky ass bitch. EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING irritates me. I can go from sweet and nice, to wanting to gouge your eyes with toothpicks, in seconds flat.

My poor guy isn't sure how to deal with me. I have tried to explain to him that I am 49 years old, and menopause is a fact. If he can't handle the occasional mood swing, he needs to date a 29 year old instead. But be forewarned....her mood swings are called PMS.

We're women, we ALL have mood swings. Been having them since the day we were born.

It's just that, at this age, they are more erratic and less explainable!

I went on to try and explain that for me, the whole drop in estrogen/mood swing feels like when you get an X-ray and they put that big heavy thing across you to shield you from the radiation? Except that thing is like a frickin body condom that weighs you down from head to toe. You can't get out from under it, you can't smile and laugh and pretend it's not there, you just have to deal with it til it's lifted. But for about 24 hours, life isn't gonna be all sunshine and rainbows.

The good news is, at least I'm not a raving bitch.

I'm just quietly annoyed and really irritable. (OK, not always quiet about it.) (But loudly annoyed, with love. LOL)

And then, just as quickly as it started, the mood swing is over.

The sun comes up, and the smile is back on my face. My guy is safe to come over again. Everything is right with the world.

Until the next one.

I'll try and give you a heads up of when you need to don your crash helmet, ok, honey?

I love this song.

2010-10-01T15:24:00.000-04:00

I love this song, for obvious reasons. My Mom is crazy about my guy. To quote her..."I really like this guy. You'd better hold onto him!"

Consider it done, Mom.

Doctor Dave

2010-09-29T06:15:00.000-04:00

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality.

Whispering......

Dave........

Dave........

Dave........

........you're a vet.

Fifty and Fabulous!

Lessons in Womanhood

I'm so happy with this.

So happy!

After The Thrill Is Gone

We've decided to separate.

No really...I'm not!

What's Your Blues Name?

Guess which one of my friend's this reminds me of?

I'm just sayin....

Well Hell.

How can this kid be 21 already?

It's that time again...the Office Xmas Party

A Christmas Wish...Granted

How can Christmas be 18 days away?

Nothing like a surprise wedding to shock the masses!

To All Who Survived.....

Love love love

What am I thankful for? I think you can guess....

I think this will be my next tattoo

Can we all agree.....

I keep thinking....I should post *something*.....

No, we didn't get rich or married...

Really? 6 Days Til Vegas?

Let The Good Times Roll

Breaking Bad For A Day

Three weeks from tomorrow....

Happy Birthday, Mom

I really can't love this any more than I do....

Friday Funny

Happy Anniversary, Hot Stuff!

There is hope for me yet.

Finding Our New Normal

She's dancing in heaven with Daddy now.

My favorite quote today

Letting Go

If you follow my buddy Dana at Life Is Good....

Mars versus Venus....there's no talking to either one!

Turtle Power 4th of July Style

Way to damn near scare me to death, kid.

Vegas bound...and this time with someone I love!

Bad day at Hallmark

Well, that *is* awkward.

I do love me a funny man.

Yet another reason why I don't like birds.

The happiest Mother's Day of all....

Get in here and sing for me.

Trumped!!!!!

Where's my damn blog motivation?

We Did It!

It's Official! My honey and I are....

So you might notice something different about me....

Get yourself to a damn bookstore today!

And we're back.

So this is what FIFTY feels like?

And....we're off!

I had a little Irish in me this weekend....

Ten Days...Ten Days!!!!!!

All We Are Is Ducks In The Wind

Now that's some Passion Fruit

Ooooh the countdown is officially ON!

This will NEVER be acceptable in my world.

You don't wanna piss these girls off

27 days.

Seven Years.

Do NOT Try This At Home. I Repeat....DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

You give me a raging heart on.

More fun for your typographical pleasure

I am sooooooooooo trying this tonight.

This happens to me all the time....

Personalized Tote Bags – Simply Bags

Hot Damn I'm Happy

Admitting you're an asshole is the first step.

Attention Cruisers!

Weekly Weigh In

Hello 2011. I've been waiting for you!

Julie takes a look back at 2010

Happy birthday, baby!

The Best Day Of My Life

Holiday Eating Tips

I keep thinking....I should post something.....

Well, that is awkward.