Saturday, July 31, 2010

Clearly, not my calling.

No fears of me changing careers anytime soon.

Happy weekend!!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I will never, ever, ever..... able to watch Sponge Bob again.

Thanks, lady.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Now that's funny.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Mixing it up

Decided to go red for tonight's Parade Preview Party. I feel more like me!

Looking forward to a fun night with friends!!

Have a great weekend!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I'm too old for this.

I am beat.

I've been helping with two whole house installs since last Thursday, and believe me when I tell you, I'm too damn old to work 16 hour days.

Amazingly though, my back held out and I can still walk upright. Go figure.

Our Parade of Homes house is incredible. I'm so proud of my boss and the design work he did there. I will post pictures after it opens this weekend.

Mom is getting pretty quiet now, doesn't talk a whole lot, although she has "up" days but they seem to be winding down. A month or two ago she weighed 160 lbs, and she's down to 135. Pretty much all she does is sleep, gets up for meals and has a few bites and then goes right back down. She does try to get up for bingo once a week (she was commonly referred to as Bingo Betty as I was growing up thanks to her major gambling habit of 7 days a week bingo. So naturally that inclination will be the last thing to go!) but other than that, she's just in bed.

What's new with you?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Don't expect much and you won't be disappointed.

While that is my motto when it comes to Internet's also my advice when it comes to my blog right now.

I won't be around the blog world much for the next week. We have two major installations going on at work, and I'll probably be pulling 12 hour days for the next five to six days. In a related note, to my readers living in the Columbus area...if you are interested in volunteering to man our Parade of Homes house in New Albany, we'd love to have you! Even if it's just for a couple of hours, all you have to do is stand there and look pretty and welcome people who come in. Email me or leave me a comment here if you're interested. Here's a link to our house.

Oh yeah, and I'm getting this nasty ass cold that everybody else seems to have. Lovely.

By the way, as for the Mom Situation....

She is, I guess, stable right now. (As stable as a Reeg woman gets. Oh, snap!) She has good days and bad, she fluctuates between asking why God won't take her, refusing to eat, drink or take her meds, and then being perfectly fine and happy the next day. It's a roller coaster. She has very little urine output, so whether that's a sign of her kidneys failing or just dehydration, I don't know. (I'm guessing one leads to the other) She is on and off oxygen all day long. She doesn't have a lot of appetite when she does eat, maybe four or five bites in a "meal". But she is hanging in there. I don't know why or how, but it's not up to me to question it. back next Wednesday. Let's just pray this cold doesn't hit me full force, or it's gonna be a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong five days.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Love my new iPhone 4

Not sure about hi def photos though!

Why Women Are Crabby

Hey, I don't write the stuff but I agree with it!

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod pushed up your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while theOBsays, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: 'Menopause', the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right. Bite me.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Exercise, Cats and Burlesque

So, my buddy Jill from NY finally took me up on my offer to guest blog for me. She's a virgin at this folks, but something tells me she needs to start her own blog and soon! So please welcome Jill to the 47 Stage and leave her lots of comments!!!!

Well after being sedentary for &$#@ years, I decided it was time to get my butt of the couch and get in shape.

I was trying to beat a bout of depression, so I found "Exercise On Demand" on my digital cable. Who knew this existed?

(Yeah,I know, where the hell have I have been?)

I decided to start small. I did some abdominals, which was a nice and short 15 minute session, and also some leg exercises. I rock at this.

Now you may be wondering where the cat comes in...

Well, my cat decides that she is going to lay on the floor right next to me while I am sweating to the oldies working my abs, which makes it harder for me to move. Being the typical lazy cat, she just lays there gazing at me with that look of "Mommy, rub my belly, my abs need exercise too!".

Unfortunately for her, I just moved over a little on the floor (God forbid you disturb the cat!!) and got on with my session (torture).

Meanwhile I did drink alot of water, so chalk one up for me!!

Then I started browsing through the menu and found a Hip Hop one so I did that which was so much fun and only 20 minutes long. All in all, I ended up doing two 15 minute sessions and the 20 minute hip hop one, not bad for my first day.

(Note from Julie....Hip hop? I'd have killed to have seen that!)

Anybody want to volunteer to come get me out of bed tomorrow morning???? Anyone???

So on with the burlesque....

It seems there is also burlesque (stripper?) exercising On Demand. Seriously, who knew? (OK people I've led a sheltered life, cut me some slack here.) I had more fun watching than was mesmerizing to say the least. The woman was a blonde bombshell (what else do you expect on a stripper video?) and she had a figure to die for. She even used a boa and did a little dry humping with it....yeah I am not kidding.

So, I'm thinking, since poor Julie is having a tough time with her various crises and stress...maybe she should try stripper exercising!! Is there an On Demand option on her blog?

(Note from Julie....hell no.)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

No really, it's true.

What do these men have in common?

That's right.

They've all hit on me via an online dating site. They got together for a group shot.

Can I be any luckier?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What can I say?

Man, my blog sure has become a downer this past few weeks, hasn't it? Hell it depresses ME to write it, you guys must be ready to avoid me like the plague!

I just don't have much to say. I don't feel very funny these days.

Mom, for the most part, is about the same. She has good days and bad, ups and downs. Most of the time she doesn't want to get out of bed, and that's okay. We aren't going to make her get up if she doesn't want to.

I talked with her quite a bit on Monday about dying. She said she doesn't understand why she's still here....she's ready to go. She said "I know you'll be happy...." and I said "Mom! We won't be happy that you are gone!" and she said "No, I mean I know you'll be happy that I'm with Dad and Linda." Well yes, that will give us comfort. She's been missing them both for so long.

I told her that knowing that she's with them, and that she's "her" again, meaning she's up and walking and laughing and talking and with the people she loves and misses, and above all is healthy and happy....that will get me through the hard days. And that I know she'll be watching out for me, and for Jordan, and the rest of my family. I tried not to cry during that conversation, but it didn't work. Tears rolled down my face, and she just patted my hand and smiled and said "I'm ready to go", and I nodded through my tears and said "I know you are, Mom, and that's okay."

She just wants to go. And there is nothing I can do to help make that happen. I've asked God a hundred times to grant her wish, but He doesn't seem to be listening. And in a way it feels really crappy to be saying "Hey God, take my Mom, will ya?"

I don't want her to go, but I do. Does that make sense? Am I an awful daughter for feeling that way?  I know I'm not....I really do.  I know this is a normal feeling in a situation like this.  But it sure feels crappy.

Quick, somebody tell me something funny.  We need to lighten this place up.

Friday, July 2, 2010

This is crazy

Well Mom is not on hospice after all because the doctor who told us she had a few days to two weeks to live now says he didn't say that.


Like we just made this shit up?

So with no definitive diagnosis that says she will be dead within six months, hospice can't take her and she's just under nursing home care.

We are happy about that, don't get me wrong. Happy that we may have her longer, and she does seem better, but the roller coaster of emotions has been ridiculous.

I'm afraid to even hope for the best.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

No news is good news, I guess.

Nothing new to report on the Mom Situation today.

She is officially under hospice care as of today. We had a little bit of a hold up at the nursing home waiting on her doctor there to come in and "approve" it. Unfortunately he was in no hurry to do so until my sister went ballistic had a few words with the Director of Nursing today. They got right on it, and Dr. Fucktard miraculously decided he didn't need to take time out of his day to come and see her after all, he just approved it.

I know we all feel better knowing they will be taking care of her now. She's still eating a little bit (but requires a lot of encouragement from us and the staff to do so), and her only complaint is that she wants "that damn catheter" out. So we'll see what the hospice nurse says about that.

At this point we are just taking it day by day, nothing else we can do. I have a constant feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away (I think they call that dread), and every time the phone rings I take a deep breath before answering, knowing that at any time the call is going to come that she's taken that final turn for the worse.

I don't know, she may surprise us all. We had her down for the count last September and she rallied back and is still here nine months later. You never know with her, hell she might outlive us all.

I probably won't do much posting over the weekend, so I wish you all a very happy July 4th. Be safe out there.