Sunday, February 28, 2010

I didn't mean to break your heart....

I have a new favorite song.

It's called 'Break Your Heart' and it's by Barenaked Ladies. (I guess it's an old song of theirs, but I just found it. I'm not a big BNL fan but Elizabeth turned me on to it.)

It's basically about staying too long in a relationship and not having the balls to say "This isn't working" and move on because you don't want to hurt the other person.

But maybe the other person will be okay because they'd rather have you end it than continuing wasting their time.

I really identify with this song in many ways.

One part in particular says...

The weakest thing I've ever done was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time


I'm about ready to have that phrase tattooed on my body right above my "Faith" tattoo to remind me that I am stronger than that now.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you my new favorite song. Words to follow, in case you don't have time to listen to it.



The bravest thing I've ever done
Was to run away and hide
But not this time, not this time
And the weakest thing I've ever done
Was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time
I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart.
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on
But I didn't mean to break your heart.

And if I always seem distracted
Like my mind is somewhere else,
That's because it's true
Yes it's true
it's this stupid pride that makes me feel
Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you
Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start
Why must I always tell you what I want is this?
I guess cause I wouldn't want to break your heart

And you said;
"What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Curl up and die just because of you?
I'm not that weak, you know
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Try to make you love me as much as I love you?
how could you be so low?
You arrogant man,
What do you think that I am?
My heart will be fine
Just stop wasting my time"

And now I'm over you, I'll be ok
And that i've got what I want
And that's rid of you
Bye
And it's not cause I'll be missing you
That makes me fall apart
it's just that I didn't mean to break
Your heart

Friday, February 26, 2010

New rules for cussing at work



Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training..
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your fucking ass.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.


Thank You,
Human Resources

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What does this mean?

So last night I dreamed that my ex was out of town (which, he happens to be right now) and he sent me down to his house for something.

And when I got there, the front door was cracked open.

So I called him and said "Somebody has broken into your house! The door is open!"

And he said "Go in and see who it is."

Seriously!

Thanks for being concerned about my welfare, dude.


So instead I went around to the back and peeked in a window.

And then I saw him.

Well, her.

Yes, a drag queen had broken in and was sitting in the living room.

She was really pretty.

Not my favorite drag queen though (that's Shannel, and I will be posting about my total crush on her soon).

What?  Come on, you cannot possibly be surprised that I have a favorite drag queen!  Doesn't everyone?

Anyway, it wasn't Shannel.  This was someone else. You know how in dreams, faces are foggy but you just know who they are? I don't know exactly who she was, just that she was a really beautiful man in drag woman.

So I asked what she was doing there and she said she overheard me talking to my ex and knew he was out of town, so she was there borrowing a few things.

(Note: My ex doesn't have a supply of hooker heels, feather boas or sequined outfits in his closet....that I know of.)

So I called the Ex back and said "You're in luck, it's a woman. And you're really lucky she has a dick or I'd be kicking your ass right about now."

Weird.


This tells me one thing.

I need to stop drinking wine and watching RuPaul's Drag Race before bed.



Tuesday, February 23, 2010

If you marry an Ohio girl....



Three friends married women from different parts of the Midwest.

The first man married a woman from Indiana. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the the
third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put
away.

The second man married a woman from Michigan He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.  The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Ohio. He ordered her to keep the house  cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.


This blog post has been brought to you by Dr. Penny's Email.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I think I'll take up fishing.


At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

'Do you want to go up or down?'

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?'

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down?'

The woman replied, 'Down.'

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, 'Up or down ?'

She replied, 'Up.'

This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made made passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'

She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "Fuck or drown".

Friday, February 19, 2010

I love my new tattoo

And I think Linda would love it as well.

These were taken a couple of hours after it was done, so it's still kind of red and swollen.

Here's a close up picture of it. Notice the detail in the dragonfly. It looks like stained glass. (If you click on the picture it will open up a bigger one.)


Here's what it looks like on my back.


I really love it. And not only does it honor my sister, but since Jordan has the same wording on his arm, it's something my son and I have together as well.

Tattoos are addicting. There's an odd thrill I get when I hear the tattoo machine start to hum. Of course it's not the most comfortable thing in the world, and after awhile it gets downright painful! I liken it to labor and childbirth....it sure doesn't feel good when it's happening but the end result is something you will love for life! And once you see it, you forget the pain.

Until the next one.

And then as it starts, you remember and think "Why am I doing this again?" LOL

Too bad tattoo artists can't give epidurals.

Oh well...it's worth it! It's art, and this one means the world to me.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

In Loving Memory



Linda Kay (Reeg) Greissinger
January 7, 1950 to February 18, 2004


If we could have a conversation today, it would go something like this:

Linda: Jewel, why are you so sad?

Me: Well, because you're in heaven, and not here. Duhhhhh.

Linda: Well if I were there, you know what I'd do to cheer you up...

Me: Oh hell no. You are NOT still doing that up there, are you?

Linda: Yes I am!

Me: (((groans loudly))))

Linda begins to sing...badly.   The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun....
Me: No, stop! LOL  :::::holding my ears::::

Linda: (((at full volume)))  Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! You're always a day away!!!!!
Me:   Sweet Jesus, I thought you people up in heaven had angelic voices???  I see some things never change!

It's been six years today since you had to leave us, and yet sometimes it feels like just yesterday you sang that song to me every time I was having a bad day.  But then it feels like forever ago that I sang it as I eulogized you, because we were all having a really bad day.  And I knew you were watching, and laughing at my bad singing voice, and smiling because you couldn't believe I had to balls to even do it.

I could not possibly love or miss you more.

Love, your baby sister.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Damn that cold and flu bug

My new tattoo had to be postponed last night due to my artist feeling like crap. He said he'd be happy to do it if I didn't mind being sneezed and coughed on, and potentially having to prod him awake occasionally (um, no thanks, D!) to which I replied....

Dude, when you are permanently marking my body, I want you on your game!

So he rescheduled for Thursday.

The tattoo as you know is a memorial to my sister, and I think it's no coincidence that Thursday is the sixth anniversary of her passing.

I'm glad he had to reschedule, I think it's more than appropriate to get it on that day.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Ridiculous day but fun after work!

This is the view outside my front door. Snow that comes up to my knees.



Ridiculous.

Yes, I live in Ohio and not Florida. Or California. Or the Caribbean.

Yes, I realize we get snow in the winter.

Doesn't mean I have to like it! A week or two of it, great. I'm over it though now.

In other news, I'm getting a new tattoo after work! Yay!

So you know Jordan has this memorial tattoo to my sister, right?

 

So I'm getting a version of this on my right shoulder/upper back, across from this one, but it will be a more feminine, girly font. (I felt the need to balance out the tattoos on my back since I have one on the left shoulder, and a tramp stamp across my lower back.)

Then I'm adding a colorful dragonfly based off this picture to it.


Not sure where the dragonfly will go in relation to the words, but I'm sure D will figure that out since he's the artist.

Will post a picture of it later tonight or tomorrow!

Oh, and check this out! I found a cool puzzle piece tattoo that I like, might end up with on my inner wrist! Not exactly like this, but some version of it.


Wouldn't that be fun? Significant not only of my blog (and would be a great reminder of it 30 years from now!) but also signifies that "missing piece" in my life that I plan to find!

I love tattoos.  They make me feel better about all this ridiculous snow. 

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I hope you have a raging heart on today


To those of you 
coupled up and in loooooooooooooove....

Happy Valentine's Day.

I'm taking the day off from blogging but it's not like I have special plans so check out Rachel's blog over at Single Mom Seeking
She was nice enough to ask me for a contribution quote for her annual Valentine's Day post, 
and she's got such a great blog that you really should be reading it 
every day of the year, not just today.

(I hope next year I have a Valentine to share this day with.)

Friday, February 12, 2010

Comfort Zones and A Love Story


OK so you guys know I am always offering up my blog to guest bloggers. I figure you guys would love a break from my mundane posting so today I am thrilled to introduce my long time, dear friend Lee Ann as my guest blogger!!!!

Lee Ann and I have known each other for most of our lives. We met when I was about nine and moved to Logan, Ohio. She was one of my first friends, and we were inseparable. After graduation we lost touch with each other and last summer we were lucky enough to find each other again. You might remember this post describing our reunion.

Anyway, I twisted her arm and convinced her to write a blog post for me, so here it is. And when you get done reading, go to her blog and become a follower. She's someone you need to get to know.

Without further ado, please welcome Lee Ann to the 47 Stage!!!!

Comfort Zones and a Love Story

Julie has asked me to guest blog quite a few times. I have never been able to find the right topic. I have trouble coming up with topics for my own blog and I really didn't want to come over here and bore y'all to death! But, Julie's CZ challenge is intriguing to me. The goal is for her to be comfortable and happy being single and doing things by herself. While she is out there enjoying herself, she could very well run across Mr. Right. We know he sometimes (usually) comes along when we're not looking.

I have been married and divorced twice. Not really something I am proud of, but it is what it is. I can assure you that the fault of the failed marriages is not mine! Ok maybe some, in that I made really bad choices. After that last adventure, I thought if that was the kind of men that were out there in the dating pool perhaps I should just sit it out or go play elsewhere. Inspite of the 20 years married (in total), I have had lots of experience being single too. I have always been attracted to a guy who was taller than me (I'm 5'10") and older than me (I'm 50). There was other criteria, but I wouldn't even take a second look if they didn't pass those first two items.

I've always been big into AOL (a charter member for 19 years now) I had chatted online, for a few years, with a really nice guy. My 2nd marriage finally got put out of its misery in '06. A few months later my friend mentioned that we should meet for real sometime - how fun would that be!? I agreed. We made arrangements to meet for dinner. So we set up the time and place. When the agreed time came he called me (I'd never heard his voice until that moment) and we chatted all the way to the restaurant. He had a nice voice. I got there first and I parked with my car aimed out. I think that was so I could see him coming and make a fast get away if I needed to. (We had chatted for a few years, but it had been so long since we had done the what's your name/what do you look like thing I had forgotten all of that about him. After all this time I was too embarrassed to ask him again. So yup - I was meeting someone whose first name I didn't even know). He pulled up beside me in the parking lot. He got out of his truck. Holy shit! He didn’t have any gray hair and he must be all of 5'3"!!! I thought - this isn't good – too young & too short - I gotta find a way to get out of here!!! But something else was nagging at me - he had always been SO nice online. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings and just run off. Besides it was just dinner as friends. So I stayed.

The next day he sent me a really nice email about what a good time he had a dinner - he signed his name to it, so that mystery was cleared up (whew!). He wound up being 5 years younger than me. And though he is shorter than me he is actually 5'7". AND I found out that he was lived 3 (THREE) blocks from me (Fate stopped just short {haha} of placing him directly on my doorstep for me). It turns out that staying that night for dinner , learning more and stepping outside of my comfort zone was one of the BEST decisions I had made in a very long time. We have been pretty much inseparable since then. In '08 we bought a house together and are living happily ever after. We treat each other with love and respect (something I almost forgot how to do) and we truly enjoy being together. Who knew?

I write this because I wish the very best for my dear friend, Julie. In previous posts of hers I have read that she isn't much into men shorter than her. The point to all of this is - Jules, while you are wandering outside of your comfort zone anyway, don't disregard those guys who might be a bit outside of that zone either.

C was right there under my nose for a long time and I might have missed him I hadn't stepped outside of my comfort zone just a little. I never really think about our differences anymore because we have so much else in common.

Most men are just gonna stare at your boobs anyway, so why have them get a crick in their neck doing it? Ya never know!

My friends rock, don't they?

And no, you cannot ask her for dirt on me. She's contractually bound to say nothing but nice things, even if she has to lie.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Tonight's the night!



You may not know this about me, but I am a HUGE Survivor fan.

I have not missed an episode in what, 19 seasons now?

And tonight is the Grand Poobah of Survivor.

Yes folks, it's Heroes versus Villians, and it's an All Star Cast.

OMG, I cannot wait.

Seriously, I have chick wood over this.

It will undoubtedly be a Survivor Lovers dream.

I'm the person who refuses to watch live TV. God bless the invention of DVR's because I never sit through a commercial now.

But I will be tonight.

Because I can't wait to watch this damn show.

So think of me at 8pm EST when me and my Vodka/Diet Pepsi are parked in front of the TV watching my favorite Survivors battle it out.

Just don't call me. I won't be answering.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A picture is worth a thousand "Owwwww's"

 

I believe she has his attention.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

Well that didn't quite work out the way I'd planned.


So the Inaugural Comfort Zone Challenge was a bust!

It snowed here Friday and by evening we had somewhere between 8" and 10". Needless to say, I didn't venture out of my house comfort zone all evening.

And then Saturday I got the brilliant idea to shovel my driveway, as the weather forecasters insisted I should because the temp was going to drop into single digits last night and freeze it all.

So I did it.

And within two hours was flat on my back on the couch. There was no comfort zone to be had!

Yeah, people with three herniated disks really should not shovel snow.  Guess I should have waited on Jordan to get home from work.

I know better, I really do. But I'd been feeling all empowered with the whole CZ Challenge idea and my motivation carried over into feeling like Superwoman with a Shovel. 

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

It got substantially worse when I realized my supply of pain meds was empty.

Sigh.

Several frantic phone calls to friends and family later, I got hooked up with some pharmaceuticals, and spent the rest of the day horizontal on my couch.

Today was better, I could at least walk upright, without crying like a girl too much pain.

So here I sit (yes, I can sit up now instead of laying down!) getting ready to watch the Super Bowl (Go Saints!), having an adult beverage (it's all good, I'm Vicodin free) and plotting my CZ Challenge event for the week.

I'll probably attempt the bar thing again Friday night.

I'll keep you posted.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Mother Nature and the CZ Challenge are not friends.

OK first things first....look to your right!

Check out my new blog button!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many thanks to my buddy T at Mad Boastings of a Cheapskate Mom for creating it for me!

Isn't it great???? I'm so damned happy with it! If you're looking for one, be sure to work with her. She's great, she's cheap (and I don't mean in a floozy kind of way!) and does fantastic work! Thanks again, T!

So grab one and take it with you, ok?

And by the way, if you have a button on your site and I've missed it, let me know and I'll add it to mine.

On to the subject at hand....

So my first venture out of my comfort zone is probably going to be postponed. We're getting 4 to 8" of snow today, and I don't see me going to a bar in it tonight.

We'll see how Saturday night's weather is, maybe it can happen then.

If not there's always next Friday. What better time to embrace my singleness than on Valentine's weekend?????

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Welcome to Julie's Comfort Zone Challenge

I have to admit, I was shocked by how many of you responded to my previous post about doing things out of my comfort zone.

Seems like I'm not the only one who stays safely in the confines of her quiet little life!

So I'm going to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and as Nike would say...JUST DO IT.

I've decided to challenge myself to do something that takes me out of my comfy little boring world and makes me slightly, if not massively, uncomfortable.

(And no, OHN, it will not start with wearing a bathing suit in public!)

There are plenty of things I'm fine with doing alone. I can go to the bookstore, the coffee shop, shopping, anything like that by myself. I could go to a museum alone (although I never do).

I think f8hasit said it best..."I like being alone sometimes, but not doing social activities alone".

That's my problem.

I have an aversion to doing things solo that most people tend to do coupled up.

Like dinner out. A movie. Going to a bar and listening to a band. See a Broadway play. Go to a concert.

But the thing is, there are a lot of movies I want to see! There are a lot of places I'd love to go for dinner! And there is many a Friday night (most of them actually) that I really want to get out of the house and do something, but because I don't have a date, I stay home and watch TV.

So I've decided, that in light of my 49th birthday being right around the corner (March 22nd, in case anyone wants to send presents), this year I'm going to stop missing out on things just because I'm single.

This year, I'm going to live the life I love.

This year, I'm going to love the life I live!

Tomorrow night, I am going out to a local bar, one that I go to with friends every few months, and I'm going to pull up a bar stool, have a couple of drinks, and listen to some live music.

BY MYSELF.

Next week I'm going to go to this great Mediterranean restaurant that I've been dying to try.

BY MYSELF.

The week after, I'm not sure what exactly I will do yet, but something. Whatever it ends up being, it will be...

BY MYSELF.

I'll be blogging about my solo adventures, so I hope you will continue giving me your feedback, and ideas on things to do!

Wish me luck tomorrow. I'm gonna be pissed if someone slips a Rufie in my drink while I'm in the bathroom though.

Well, unless he's hot, of course.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Out of my comfort zone....


My good friend Linda Lou (who as you know, is my sister separated at birth, and my role model for how to be divorced and loving it. Oh, and one of the funniest women on the planet, currently starring in her own Vegas one-woman show and now acclaimed author!) has thrown down a challenge to me to step out of my comfort zone and blog about it.

I'm giving it some thought.

She suggested I do something like go to a bar by myself, which I do NOT see me doing. (But, never say never!) Hell I don't like to go to bars that much anymore with a group, let alone just me.

I am not good at doing things solo.

For heaven's sake, it took me 47 years to go to a MOVIE by myself! (And it was "He's Just Not That Into You"....oh, the irony!) And even then, I felt self concious the entire time, like people in the rows behind me were shaking their heads in pity thinking I didn't have one friend I could call to go to a movie with!

(Hey, I never said I was sane. You people just assume, because I can carry on a decent conversation, that I am.)

So I am thinking about what I am willing to do to step out of my comfort zone.

It could be something as simple as dinner alone, or as crazy as jumping out of an airplane.

Give me some suggestions. What would getting out of YOUR comfort zone mean?