Wednesday, August 18, 2010

It's never too late to live happily ever after.

Once again, I am still swamped at work and recycling old blogs to amuse and entertain you. This one was from a year ago, and I am very happy to say that I definitely think it's never to late to live happily ever after! As some of you picked up on in my post Monday, I am "quietly dating" someone again. Will fill you in soon....

Meanwhile, enjoy this rewind from August 17, 2009. Cheers!

One of my readers commented last week and asked me what I thought about this:

At our age, is it still possible to have that "happily ever after"?

She said:

I am just 50 and have been in serious/not so serious relationships since my divorce [almost] ten years ago. I am (in my own mind and have also been told) attractive, financially stable, sweet, decent, sexy, etc. A good catch perhaps? Truthfully, I suppose that is true. I am not the helpless "I need a man" whining type. Nor, do I depend on a man to fulfill me or to "make" me happy. I have good relationships with family and friends. I like my life. Perhaps the best way of summing up my relationship potential is to state that the men I have had serious relationships are still good friends.

So ------- I hear this a lot. Do you?

- don't settle
- you deserve a man who treats you like a queen
- someone is out there who is just for you

Truly I am a realist. I am not counting on having a relationship. I am not counting on someone to grow old with. I am not counting on anything. I am merely wondering if it's even possible. I am incredibly curious about this.

At age 50 we have lived life. The men I know have lived their lives. We have scars. We have had experiences; good and bad. We have raised our children. We've lived independently for a while. With all of this:

- is it realistic to think that we can put past experience behind us and choose to love again?
- is it realistic that a man of my age would even have the desire to put me and our relationship as the focus of their life?
- are there even any men like that out there?
- do marriages happen at this age?
- is it realistic to think that good late-in-life relationships occur? work? last?

I wonder if at this time in my life I should just share sex/companionship/conversation with a man and leave it at that? Have no further expectations?

As I said before, I am happy now with life as it is but smart enough to realize that a good relationship would enhance my life. I just want to know the reality of later in life relationships; if they even exist. And if they do, what they are like.

Sincerely, Single in Cali.

Dear Single:

God, I hope it's possible. If not, I'm going to be really disappointed.

Like you, I am (or so I'm told) attractive, sweet, funny, sexy, and while I may not be rolling in the dough, I am paying the bills and able to buy the occasional Coach purse, or travel to visit my blogging buddies in other states. (Watch out, Paula. I'm looking for a passport stamp. You and Germany are next!)

And like you, I do hear the same things from my friends. I shouldn't settle for less than what I want in my next relationship. I deserve to be treated like a queen after being run over by the bus that was my ex-husband. And yes, I always hear "Mr. Right is out there, and he'll come along when you aren't looking."

Well, when do I stop looking?

What is the time limit from my last date til when I officially give up all hope? Is there a countdown clock going on somewhere that every time I go out on yet another prospective partner job interview date, it resets itself and just waits for me to give up all hope on finding that guy that I could care enough about to give 'happily ever after' one more shot?

And when I do finally give up, and accept that I may be alone for the rest of my soon does Dr. Right finally drive up in his Porsche? (I'm being sarcastic...FYI)

Yes, I have baggage. My marriage wasn't always easy, and my divorce broke my heart. And thanks to the way it ended, I will probably have a really, really hard time trusting a man again. But I am willing to try.

I'm ready. And I think it is realistic to believe that there are men out there who are willing to put their own past experiences behind them and fall in love again too.

Now, that being said...I sure haven't found one yet!

But here's the thing, everybody's experiences are different. My bloggy friend CCD had a divorce every bit as horrific as mine (and more so), and she's happily in love and getting married again. But then again, another of my blogging buddies just broke up with her boyfriend who I thought she'd be with forever. I know a lot of my readers are single again and some have gone on and found great guys, and others are in our same position...wondering if there really is someone out there for us.

I don't "need" a man. But I want one really badly. I just miss everything about the concept. I miss having a partner, a best friend, a lover, a companion. I miss being special to another person.

So to answer your question, yes I think later-in-life relationships exist, and they can be very good. I have seen it happen! I try very hard to be positive about it, and in the meantime, while I wait for whoever-he-is to find his way into my life, I am doing things for ME. Taking care of myself, my health, my finances, etc. Learning to be happy with me, so that I don't ever feel like it takes a man to give me that happiness.

But don't take my word for it. My readers have tons of experience in this area. So I am asking them to let us both know their experiences with life after divorce, and relationships at this age.... YOU believe it's still possible to have 'happily ever after' once you're past 45?


Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Your post just gripped me. I realized that I was CCD that you were talking about and my how even what seems like "true love" isn't always that way. One thing I can echo so very strongly is DON'T SETTLE. I believe that at 47, there is still someone out there for me that truly gets me and will adore and care for me as much as I adore him. You'll have to watch the movie Timers. It leaves you really thinking about love and the right one.

I can't wait to hear about your new, old love.

SSP said...

I am also 47...but never married and no childrem, so define "Happily every after." Despite all signs to the contrary, I still HOPE there is someone out there who will be my mr. right. But I know my "happily ever after" isn't in "his" is in mine, and I definitely don't want to settle...not that the offers are pouring in. There aren't any many in our age range who don't have scars and baggage...and i sometimes feel it's mot fair, cuz I don't have all those things to bring to a relationship...gosh, not sure I'd even WANT to get married with all the crap that can go along with that, but yeah a steady friend with benefits, and an emotional connection to as well, sure would be nice in my oncoming golden years...maybe i oughta just get a dog....

Carol said...

Yes, I think it is possible. I went through my divorce from hell when I was 31 and have been happily married to my hubz now for 18 years. We both had a lot of baggage...but it made for strong muscle.

Now I'm living la dolce vita! Hang in there and you will find each other probably when you really aren't looking.


Velveteen Rabbit said...

* VR Sighs deeply and pours another wine * I so hope there is a happy ever after ............

Jersey Girl Gets Real said...

I believe in "Happily Ever After" after the age of 45. I am a man "Lover" as opposed to a man "Needer" and I think that makes all the difference for us ladies. There are men of all shapes and sizes out there that appreciate women like us who enjoy them rather then "Need" them.

I believe men get to a point where they don't want to be NEEDED...just wanted. They are coming out of relationships from needy wives, girlfriends and children.

I am posting a blog tomorrow that might interest you ladies. It is meant to be comical. Please take a few minutes on a Saturday to enjoy it.

laura said...

I was 44 and divorced for 7 years when I met Hans whe was 50 and in the middle of a divorce. The crap that we both put up with from our ex spouses makes us appreciate each other all the more.
Until I met him though I was happy to 'date' since I didn't expect to really find someone I'd want to hook up with on a permanent basis. Don't settle should be everyone's motto! And even if the other half treats you like a queen but you feel like something's missing, then something's missing!!! It has to be mutual and don't let your friends make you feel guilty about it.
I really don't think age has nothing to do with it, I think we're just pickier!

Linda Myers said...

I'm not sure about the "happily ever after" part, but I met my second husband at 42 and married him at 47. Helped raised a few of his kids and he was there for one of mine. We're good friends and partners and on most days it's pretty darn good.

I had to let go of my expectations, though. I was looking for a guy in a three-piece suit and found, instead, a lineman for the county.

TK Kerouac said...

I do think there is still love relationships after 45, 50 but find that they end after a few years.

Dr. Penny said...

Ya know, you attract what you believe you deserve no matter what age you are. There are people who fall in love for the first or umpteenth time at age 80 because they just figured it all out or because they know what they want and are just finding it again.

You get what you think about, what you believe exists, what you choose to create in your life. Check yourself -- you may THINK you are being open to love, but your true beliefs may be telling the universe to give you something else and you don't even realize it.

What does happily ever after really mean? No rules, something differenet for all of us. Maybe you haven't clearly defined it yet so it can't be created. Maybe 'happily everafter' is not what you should strive for -- maybe you should just focus on what makes you feel good about life in this moment and when you add all the moments up, you realize it adds up to everafter......and is more than enough because you appreciated every experience, good and bad, because that's what you came here to do: EXPERIENCE ALL YOU CHOOSE TO. Now, go girl.