Meanwhile, enjoy this rewind from August 17, 2009. Cheers!
One of my readers commented last week and asked me what I thought about this:
At our age, is it still possible to have that "happily ever after"?
I am just 50 and have been in serious/not so serious relationships since my divorce [almost] ten years ago. I am (in my own mind and have also been told) attractive, financially stable, sweet, decent, sexy, etc. A good catch perhaps? Truthfully, I suppose that is true. I am not the helpless "I need a man" whining type. Nor, do I depend on a man to fulfill me or to "make" me happy. I have good relationships with family and friends. I like my life. Perhaps the best way of summing up my relationship potential is to state that the men I have had serious relationships are still good friends.
So ------- I hear this a lot. Do you?
- don't settle
- you deserve a man who treats you like a queen
- someone is out there who is just for you
Truly I am a realist. I am not counting on having a relationship. I am not counting on someone to grow old with. I am not counting on anything. I am merely wondering if it's even possible. I am incredibly curious about this.
At age 50 we have lived life. The men I know have lived their lives. We have scars. We have had experiences; good and bad. We have raised our children. We've lived independently for a while. With all of this:
- is it realistic to think that we can put past experience behind us and choose to love again?
- is it realistic that a man of my age would even have the desire to put me and our relationship as the focus of their life?
- are there even any men like that out there?
- do marriages happen at this age?
- is it realistic to think that good late-in-life relationships occur? work? last?
I wonder if at this time in my life I should just share sex/companionship/conversation with a man and leave it at that? Have no further expectations?
As I said before, I am happy now with life as it is but smart enough to realize that a good relationship would enhance my life. I just want to know the reality of later in life relationships; if they even exist. And if they do, what they are like.
Sincerely, Single in Cali.
God, I hope it's possible. If not, I'm going to be really disappointed.
Like you, I am (or so I'm told) attractive, sweet, funny, sexy, and while I may not be rolling in the dough, I am paying the bills and able to buy the occasional Coach purse, or travel to visit my blogging buddies in other states. (Watch out, Paula. I'm looking for a passport stamp. You and Germany are next!)
And like you, I do hear the same things from my friends. I shouldn't settle for less than what I want in my next relationship. I deserve to be treated like a queen after being run over by the bus that was my ex-husband. And yes, I always hear "Mr. Right is out there, and he'll come along when you aren't looking."
Well, when do I stop looking?
What is the time limit from my last date til when I officially give up all hope? Is there a countdown clock going on somewhere that every time I go out on yet another prospective partner
And when I do finally give up, and accept that I may be alone for the rest of my life...how soon does Dr. Right finally drive up in his Porsche? (I'm being sarcastic...FYI)
Yes, I have baggage. My marriage wasn't always easy, and my divorce broke my heart. And thanks to the way it ended, I will probably have a really, really hard time trusting a man again. But I am willing to try.
I'm ready. And I think it is realistic to believe that there are men out there who are willing to put their own past experiences behind them and fall in love again too.
Now, that being said...I sure haven't found one yet!
But here's the thing, everybody's experiences are different. My bloggy friend CCD had a divorce every bit as horrific as mine (and more so), and she's happily in love and getting married again. But then again, another of my blogging buddies just broke up with her boyfriend who I thought she'd be with forever. I know a lot of my readers are single again and some have gone on and found great guys, and others are in our same position...wondering if there really is someone out there for us.
I don't "need" a man. But I want one really badly. I just miss everything about the concept. I miss having a partner, a best friend, a lover, a companion. I miss being special to another person.
So to answer your question, yes I think later-in-life relationships exist, and they can be very good. I have seen it happen! I try very hard to be positive about it, and in the meantime, while I wait for whoever-he-is to find his way into my life, I am doing things for ME. Taking care of myself, my health, my finances, etc. Learning to be happy with me, so that I don't ever feel like it takes a man to give me that happiness.
But don't take my word for it. My readers have tons of experience in this area. So I am asking them to let us both know their experiences with life after divorce, and relationships at this age....
Readers....do YOU believe it's still possible to have 'happily ever after' once you're past 45?