Thursday, June 17, 2010
Don't mistake my kindness for stupidity. Or, How Not To Meet Women, Episode 2.
A week or so ago, I met a guy online who I was instantly attracted to. His first email to me made me laugh out loud. His profile was great. And he was not hard on the eyes by any means. (And tall! 6'5", which made all 5'8" of me very happy!) On the negative side, he had a child under the age of ten, which it is NOT my preference to date anyone with kids still living at home (where you've gotta deal with custody issues and crappy ex-wives not wanting you to "stepmom" their kids, or having to go to a thousand fricking little league games a week). And....he is separated from his wife, not yet divorced. He made it a point to let me know that the divorce has been filed, it's just a waiting game for the court date to roll around.
Not my ideal situation, but he was so funny and interesting that I was willing to consider it because the pros seemed to outweigh the cons.
So, we exchanged a lot of emails, then texts and phone calls, and made a date for this coming Saturday night.
I was really looking forward to it. He was the first guy in this recent foray back into the dating pool who has really intrigued me and made me actually want to meet him.
So last Thursday evening as we're talking, he makes a comment to me that he's dropping by his Mom's house on his way home from work, right? He's even on the phone with me as he walks into her house, yells "Mom? Are you home?" and I hear her yell back.
It's all good, he's a dude who visits his Mom.
Sunday night, as we're talking on the phone again, he says "Oh, by the way, in the interest of being totally honest with you, I should mention that I do live with my Mom right now. Yeah, I'm "that guy". But it's only because when I moved out of the house, I moved in with her until the divorce is final, the house sells, and everything is finalized from my marriage."
Ding ding ding....red flag.
And I thought to myself....Okay. I can understand that. But you just told me three days ago that you were dropping by Mom's to visit, even made a big show of it. Did you just move in with her in the past three days?
Then later in the conversation he mentions that he's at his ex's house doing yardwork (why??) and says that she won't do it and he wants the house to sell so he goes and does it.
Hmmmm. Okaaaaaay. I guess I can see that as well.
During this conversation he repeats a story he had just told me on Thursday, and I'm starting to figure out quickly that he's clearly having these conversations with more people than just me, and he's forgetting who he's said what to. I have no doubt he forgot that I was the one he was talking to when he "dropped by to see Mom", because then when he told me he lived with her, it was like he'd never mentioned his mother before.
I didn't talk to him on Monday and on Tuesday he emailed me that he'd been busy working and moving and I finally said "Dude! First you were visiting Mom then three days later you were living with her, and now you're moving again? What's up with that??"
His response was that he works from home, and his home office is in his ex's house, but she's a teacher and now that school is out she doesn't want him there during the day plus he hadn't really moved all his stuff out of the house so he was moving the office and the rest of his personal things, and the realtor was coming to sign papers today, and that he had told me his life was in flux but I seemed okay with it.
There were so many red flags flying by now that it looked like Switzerland was being represented at the Olympics.
And again I thought to myself..... NO. What you led me to believe was that you lived alone, your divorce would be final any time, and your house was already up for sale.
So I responded that I didn't realize it was quite *this* in flux, and was his divorce actually filed or was that part of the "ongoing flux" as well? He carefully dodged the divorce question and said I needed to listen to my heart and I seemed to be having second thoughts about this relationship (remember, I've never met the guy so there is no relationship at this point) and at that point I got really annoyed and said "