Last year I was interviewed by a reader, and I know you are all just dying to reread it. again. So I respectfully resubmit the burning questions and my direct yet witty answers.
1) My friend says that it is bad manners to talk on your phone in the bathroom. You recently wrote that you are never without your iPhone, even in the bathroom. What exactly are you doing on the iPhone in there? What is the last application that you added?
Well, it's true that I never go anywhere without my iPhone. My sister gives me shit about this constantly. "Why do you have to have that thing with you every second of the day?" The short answer is...because I can! Usually in the bathroom, I check mail, or I may be in the midst of a text conversation with someone and frankly, they can't hear you peeing via text so it's not really "rude" to engage in the two activities at once. Although I have been known to actually pee while talking on the phone to my BFF Elizabeth, but she does the same to me so we're both fine with it! Just pretend I'm standing near a waterfall if it bothers you. Oh, and the last application I added was Unblock Me. It's this ridiculous game that you move little pieces right or left and up or down to free the red one. I hate it, it makes my brain hurt, and yet I can't stop playing it.
2) My sister is 49 and divorced. She is looking to start dating too. Do you have any pointers for her and where the hell do you meet men?
Oh honey, I am NOT the person to take dating advice from! The last time I went out on more than one date with someone, I married the guy and we all know how well that worked out for me. And you've seen the kind of men I attract on dating sites, so trust me, this question is better posed to my friend VegasLindaLou. She's doing much better being divorced and dating than I am! I want to be her when I grow up.
3) What size shoe do you wear? How many pairs of shoes do you have and approximately how old is the oldest pair of shoes in your closet?
Hahaha...I don't have shoes, I have yachts. My feet are a size 11. (Hey, I'm 5'9", give me a break!) If flip flops count as shoes, I probably have 60 pair in my closet. If they don't, then I have about 30 pair of actual shoes. My oldest ones are about 10 years old, they are sandals that I can't bear to throw out! My current favorites my Uggs that I got for Christmas. I have worn them every day since December 26th! They rock.
4) As I mentioned before, my sister is single and has been divorced for 15 years. I bought her a sex toy for her birthday once. What is the strangest gift you've ever received? Did you like it and do you still have it?
Wow, I have to think about this. I've never really gotten any strange gifts. (But if anyone wants my address, email me. I'm open to accepting them!) I guess the strangest one would have been a fire extinguisher from a guy I was dating. I don't know if he was trying to tell me I was really hot, or he was afraid I might spontaneously combust, or just making me prepared in case of emergency, but he didn't last long after that.
5) Dating is hard. Dating later in life seems extremely hard. Can you tell us about your best date ever? How about the worse? How about the most embarrassing thing to happen on a date?
It's funny, I really don't have a "best date" that jumps out in my mind. I'm sitting here actually wracking my brain trying to think of one! I can tell you my worst date easily. About 6 months after my divorce, I attempted to go out on a date with some guy I met on the Internet. He seemed nice enough, so I agreed to dinner at PF Changs. The guy showed up, and clearly his profile picture had been taken about 100 lbs ago. He had on this very 70's brown cordaroy jacket, and when he took it off he was actually wearing SUSPENDERS. I had to fight back the urge to refer to him as "Pa". So we sit down to dinner, and the waiter takes our drink orders and he says "Well, I rarely drink...so I'll just have a double Grey Goose on the rocks". Huh? FIVE double Grey Gooses later, I'm thinking gee, I believe what he meant to say was "Well, I rarely drink...less than a bottle in one sitting". He ordered three appetizers and proceeded to eat 99% of them by himself, he ate all of his dinner and what part of mine that I didn't eat, and as I'm sitting there thinking "Thank God the meal is over and I can run", he orders coffee and desserts. Two of them. And again, eats most of them. And during the meal, I find out that he had been in prison for two years for trafficking something out of Amsterdam (it was a mistake you know, he didn't really do it, his ex-wife set him up) and he has no credit and is driving a rental car for some reason he couldn't really explain...and at this point I'm about to do the "bathroom ditch" thing! Finally the long excrutiating meal was over, and he wanted to walk me to my car (which I politely refused) and he tried to grab me and come in for a kiss, which I completely ducked and twirled out of! I shook his hand, said thanks, and ran. It was enough to make me not want to dip my carefully pedicured toes back into the dating pool anytime soon.
So there you have it.
I've decided to do another Q & A post in the next couple of weeks, so feel free to submit your questions either via the comment section here, or send me an email and tell me what you'd like to know.
I'm an open book, I'll answer just about anything! Except how much I weigh. Don't even ask.