Monday, November 30, 2009

This one's for you, boys.

Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house-mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit-shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is
spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Break wind loudly and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

In your 90's:

What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who broke wind?


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Tiger Ain't Out of the Woods Yet.


So let me get this straight....

Tiger Woods pulls out of his driveway at 2:30am and promptly runs over a fire hydrant and hits a tree. His wife, hearing the "crash", uses a golf club to break out the back window in order to get him out of the car. Tiger is in and out of consciousness when paramedics arrive, and he's taken to the hospital and treated for facial cuts and lacerations and released.

Now I have a few questions...

First of all, where's the dude going at 2:30am?

Second, cops say no alcohol is involved. Now call me crazy, but I'm guessing the guy has driven out of his own driveway more than a few times, and was aware of the fire hydrant and tree. Did they just jump out in front of him at that time of the morning?  Was he driving with his eyes shut?

Third, it's been publicized that the air bags did NOT deploy. So where did the cuts and lacerations on his face come from? The distance between the driveway and the fire hydrant isn't more than a few feet from what I've seen on the news, so he could not have been going over 10mph at the time of impact. So if he basically has "bumped" into something, going so slowly that the airbags didn't open up and smack him in the face, how did he get hurt?

Fourth, what was his wife doing with a golf club? Granted, I'm not married to a golfer but if I heard what sounded like a crash (or in this case, someone running over a fire hydrant....hardly generated impact sounds), my first impulse isn't to grab a golf club and run outside. However, she had to have brought it with her, because she couldn't have grabbed one out of his car to break a window, right?  Since evidently she couldn't get any doors open....thus the need to smash a window in the first place.

Fifth, if the airbags didn't deploy and the car clearly wasn't that wrecked, why was she "rescuing him from the wreckage by smashing out the back window and helping him out". Why didn't she just open the door? The airbags didn't go off, folks. That tells me right there, that there wasn't much impact, so I don't imagine his drivers side door was smashed shut.

Sixth, why was he in and out of conciousness laying in the road after his wife "dragged him out of the car"? Again...little impact!

Seventh, what's with him refusing to meet with police? For two days now he's dodged them and refused to talk about the accident. If it was an accident...he pulled out of the driveway, reached over to change the radio station and ran over a fire hydrant, over corrected and hit a tree...why not just tell the cops that? Why is he being so secretive and acting like he's trying to cover something up?

Oh wait.

Rumors are running rampant that he's been having an affair and he and the wife were fighting. So maybe the real story is that she beat the crap out of him, chased him out of the house with a golf club, smashed his car window, and he drove off rather wildly, and hit a few inanimate objects.

Now, *that* makes sense.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. You aren't out of the woods yet, my dear. But I have a feeling this is going to get very interesting soon.


Friday, November 27, 2009

Dirty Minds

When you get me wet, I can start to make noise.

If you bang my box, I could spew all over you.

You really want to eat me in the morning.

What am I?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Talk dirty to me.


Since it's the day before Thankgiving, I thought I'd better do some sort of turkey related post. So here you go!



Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving But Aren't:

10. Talk about huge breasts...

9. Whew, that's one terrific spread...

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

7. Don't play with your meat!

6. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

5. You still have a little bit on your chin.

4. How long do I beat it before it's ready?

3. I didn't expect everyone to come at once.

2. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

...and the number one thing that sounds dirty but isn't....

1. Everyone knows that tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. (And I can verify this is true!) (DON'T ASK)


Monday, November 23, 2009

The one where Julie gets serious


My friend Sarah has let me know that her niece Mattie is in need of a lot of prayers, so I am turning to you, my readers, to ask for help.

Mattie is 4 years old, and she was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of two. Her parents went through fourteen months of treatment with her and she was pronounced cancer free in January of this year.  This photo is a picture of her that was used in a St. Jude's print ad in August 2008, when she was being treated for the initial illness.

Unfortunately, the cancer has recurred and this little gal is in trouble.

I would like to ask all of you to say a prayer for this beautiful little lady, and keep her in your thoughts. The power of prayer can work miracles, and Mattie is in desperate need of a miracle this holiday season.

She has a Caring Bridge website set up, please click here to go to the site and get caught up on Mattie's story. Feel free to sign the guest book to let this family know that they are in your thoughts and prayers as they navigate their way through this life changing experience. Or else just leave them a comment here, and I will make sure Sarah gets the blog link to Mattie's parents, so that they can read all the prayers we are sending out to their little girl.

Also, I'd like to remind you that you can donate to St. Jude's Children's Hospital at participating retailers this holiday shopping season. Sarah explained to me that St. Jude's provided at least a million dollars worth of treatment for Mattie during her stay, and provided food every day for her family. Target paid for 100% of their housing and furniture during the 8 months or so they had to live in Memphis while Mattie was being treated.

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for the blessings in our lives. I know Mattie is a wonderful blessing to her parents and family, and I send them comfort and love today and every day to come.




God bless you, Miss Mattie.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Then and now



April to November. 
Big changes (85 lbs) for Jordan, some change (35 lbs) for me. 
But I'm not done yet.
Stay tuned.  By this coming April, I'll be his size!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Today is the day....


That Ohio State fans wait for all season...

GO BUCKS! BEAT MICHIGAN!!!!!

***Update**** We did....21 to 10. Hello Big Ten Champs! Rose Bowl, here we come!




Friday, November 20, 2009

What not to wear.



Sometimes there just are no words.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison....


Ah yes, one of my favorite country songs. David Allen Coe sure could sing 'em. So in honor of his birthday (which I have no idea if it's today or when it is, but we're gonna honor the ole' boy anyway), here's my favorite titles for country and western songs.

Ready?  Sing along if you know any of them....



I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.

If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well.

I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better.

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here.
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.

I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

...and my personal favorite....

If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sugar, meet Jordan.

This is my crack baby.

Ok not "crack", but kiddie cocaine...aka SUGAR.

I was going through old videos this weekend and found this hilarious one from Halloween 1993. Jordan was not quite three years old yet (he would turn three in December) and this was after his first official Trick or Treat.

Yeah, he's high on sugar.

He wanted to sing the Barney song.  Barney was big back then. 

So we did.

The regular Barney song, and the dysfunctional one, as you'll see.  Yes my two year old knows the word "dysfunctional".  LOL  Show of hands...who's surprised by that??

Damn, I was skinny back then.  This is my goal weight now.  In 40 lbs I'll look this good, just 16 years older...unfortunately there is no Weight Watchers for Wrinkles.

Hey, I was a tender 32 in this video.  I was hot once, dammit!

Oh well, the walk down memory lane is fun.  Hard to believe this little blonde boy is my almost 19 year old adult son now.

Enjoy!!!  (It's only 2:16 long....I won't torture you too much!)

(Oh and yeah, I know it says Halloween 2003, but it's really 1993.  My brain wasn't workinig too well when I labeled the video!  Either that or I was in denial!)



Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm getting implants!!!!


Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them..

Sunday, November 15, 2009

And the beer bread winner is....

Drumroll please....

Sheila from MaVieFolle!!!!

Yay!!!!! Congrats, lady!

Email Trisha at trisha.r.jackson@gmail.com and get your prize!

Thanks to everyone who participated in the giveaway!!!!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Tastefully Simple Beer Bread Giveaway!!!!!


My buddy Trisha is launching her Tastefully Simple business, and has offered to do a giveaway on my blog.

Up for grabs is the best seller in the Tastefully Simple line....the Beer Bread mix.  If you haven't had this, OMG...it's fantastic.  I could easily eat an entire loaf by myself in no time flat.  And it' so easy to make, you pretty much just pour beer into the mix and bake it!  I've tried lots of recipes for beer bread, but none compare to this.

So here's how we're gonna play.....just visit Trisha's Tastefully Simple Website and earn up to 10 entries by leaving your comments HERE with any or all of the following (you don't have to do them all, just one comment here gets you entered into the giveaway, but the more of these you do, the better your chances of winning!)

1. A Tastefully Simple product you'd love to try - 1 entry
2. 3 ways you can earn Tastefully Simple products for free! - 1 entry
3. Follow Trisha's blog (and post that you've done so) to stay on top of the latest Tastefully Simple treats! - 1 entry
4. Blog about it and post a link from your blog in the comments - 1 entry
5. Tweet about @tastefullytrish 's Bountiful Beer Bread giveaway - 1 entry
6. Book a taste-testing party and earn 5 additional entries + a sample of either Bacon Bacon, Onion Onion or Garlic Garlic mix!

It's that easy!  Trust me, you'll be glad you entered this giveaway.  I'll leave it open through Monday and then we'll do the random drawing thingy again to pick a winner.

By the way, you can leave anonymous comments as entries as well, for those of you who don't have Google or Blogger accounts (this means you, Maggie)...just make sure you tell us who you are!

And by the way, Tastefully Simple makes GREAT holiday gifts, so do some Christmas shopping for your family and friends on Trisha's website. 

Good luck!!!!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Julie's Official Engagement Photo



Eat your hearts out, Deb and Tiff.  

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

You can't argue with brilliance.


You gotta love Robin Williams ......Even if he's nuts! Leave it to him to come up with the perfect plan for world peace.. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.


'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan..'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines . They don't want us there.  We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!!  France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for awhile.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer.


Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

Monday, November 9, 2009

If this is all that's left in the dating pool, hand me my towel. I'm gettin out!


I just got an email from this. Excuse me, I need to go rinse the vomit out of my throat....

But first, before you read this lovely little profile of his, you should know that he's 54, and looks like Albert Einstein. Wild white hair, crazy look in his eyes. OMG, seeing his picture and reading this profile gives me the creeps. 

(I debated posting his actual picture here but decided against it.  This one is pretty damn close!)

Here you go. Don your crash helmets for this one....

What I am looking for:

HI I AM LOOKING FOR LONG TERM FEMALE SEX PARTNERS! And also ACTIVITY PARTNERS! LIKE BBW OR SSBBW!

HI..I am a 6ft 2in SWM AGE 54 who is looking for a lady for STRAGIHT SEX or a KINKY lady WHO also wants STRAIGHT SEX.

I do computer repair and networking. Available during the DAY for MARRIED or LADIES in a RELATIONSHIP OR OTHERWISE seeing someone. A+/N+/CCNA/CCNP TRAINED,available for ladies in need of computer help,trades are possible. BA Biology, have worked for community groups. I am a ham radio operator KB3CNV.

She should enjoy straight sex,and getting kinky.

I would be open to a single lady or 2 bi OR gay ladies that wanted to be enjoyed.
LIKE BBW OR SSBBW!

I enjoy receiving straight sex,and giving kinky on you.

Well if you would like to have straight sex, that is fine. The other areas are only if you would enjoy them.(SPANKING,ANAL,GOLDEN SHOWERS IN NO ORDER)

Well are you ready to drop your pants or lift your skirt and let me kiss your buns and more? I am....hopefully you will want this daily smile. POLY IS A GREAT THING.
LIKE BBW OR SSBBW!

What I’m doing with my life:

I am busy looking for a long term Female Sex Partner

Spending to much time looking for females with bare buns, and more. REALLY ENJOY BBW AND SSBBW LADIES WHO WANT IT!

I’m really good at:

Looking for a long term FEMALE SEX PARTNER!
Enjoying bare female buns and more.
LOOKING FOR A BBW OR SSBBW WHO WANTS IT!

The six things I could never do without:

BARE FEMALE BUNS AND MORE..., MORE FEMALE BARE BUNS...,YUP MORE FEMALE BARE BUNS AND MORE!
BBW OR SSBBW BUNS! REALLY ENJOY BBW BUNS.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

LOOKING FOR A LONG TERM FEMALE SEX PARTNER!
Bare female buns and more....
LOOKING FOR A BBW OR SSBBW!

On a typical Friday night I am:


Looking for needy female buns and when I find one enjoying it...smile. LOOKING FOR A BBW OR SSBBW!

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here:


Chuckle like female buns and more....smile.
LOOKING FOR BBW OR SSBBW BUNS NEWARK OHIO AREA!

You should message me if:

YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A LONG TERM SEX PARTNER OR ACTIVITY PARTNER!
IF you enjoy straight sex and your FEMALE buns being bare, and/OR GETTING kinky with you drop me a note. POLY IS FINE!
IF YOU ARE A BBW OR SSBBW WITH BIG BUNS THEN I WILL REALLY ENJOY YOU...SMILE...
SERIOUSLY I AM LOOKING FOR BARE FEMALE BUNS,RUMPS, OR BUMS.
I REALLY DO ENJOY A GOOD FEMALE BARE BUNS, RUMPS, OR BUMS.
STRAIGHT SEX IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.

Now, call me crazy, but I think all this guy is looking for is some female buns. Oh, he can try to hide it, but I can read between the lines. I know a playa when I see one. LOL

What the hell is SSBBW? I know what a BBW is (hello, I am one!) but what the hell is the SS?  And what is Poly?

Somebody please throw me a life preserver. I'm drowning in the dating pool.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Coming Monday!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps the worst Bachelor of them all!


Yep, I may have found the grossest bastard in all of cyberdating.

Or I should say, he found me.

Of course he did. I seem to have a neon sign over my head to attract winners like this one.

You're gonna love him.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

And the lucky winners are.....

According to the random draw thingy....

The winner of the tote bag is....DANICA!!!!!

The winner of the zippered bag is....FRAGRANT LIAR!!!!!

The winner of the key fob is....I SAY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND I'M THE BITCH!!!!

Congratulations, ladies!!!!!

Please drop Crystal a line at bucks724@yahoo.com and give her your mailing address so she can send you your prize!!!!

Thanks to everyone who participated, and remember next week there will be another giveaway featuring Tastefully Simple items!!!!


Friday, November 6, 2009

Last chance for entering my giveaway!

Quick, GO HERE and get your entries in for my giveaway!

Sometime tonight Crystal will do the random picker thingy and three of you will win! I'll notify you and hook you up with Crystal so she can get your mailing address and get your prize out the door!

Thanks to everyone who entered, and stay tuned because next week I'm going to do another giveaway courtesy of my buddy Trisha who's launching her Tastefully Simple business!!!!

Happy Friday!!!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Who wants a freebie? **LINKS FIXED***

OK so my buddy Crystal graciously offered to host a giveaway on my blog. She has her own Etsy shop and I'm happy to drive some business her way.

Here are the items she's giving away to three of my lucky readers:

A reversible tote bag :







And a Zippered Bag:




And a key fob!!!




  

So here's how we're gonna play...

1. Go to Chaya’s Corner on Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/chayascorner and look at the items. That's all, just look.  (Feel free to buy, but to win the giveaway you just gotta check out her stuff.)

2. Leave a comment on the Chaya’s Corner blog http://chayascorner.blogspot.com/ stating which item(s) you like the best (and why if you’d like) and while you're there, become a follower of the Chaya’s Corner blog.  If you're really feeling generous, Heart Chaya’s Corner on Etsy and leave a comment on the blog stating you Heart Chaya’s Corner on Etsy!

3.  MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE A COMMENT HERE SAYING YOU DID STEP #2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We will pick the winners from the comments left on my blog!  But don't think you can outfox us....we'll be checking to make sure the winners leave comments in both places!

That's it! 

I'll keep the giveaway open until 6pm on Friday, and then Crystal will use that Random generator thingy to find out who my three lucky winners are!

So ladies and gentlemen, start your engines, go visit Chaya's Corner, and leave a comment here to win!!!!

Good luck!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Uncork one for me, will ya?



Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one , she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....'

Monday, November 2, 2009

My Own Personal Biggest Loser

I think this speaks for itself.



83 lbs.

I am so damn proud of my son.

And no, Danica...you can not be his cougar. LOL

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sunday Rewind - Bachelor #10

It's hard to believe it's been a year since I was doing my Bachelor series on my adventures in internet dating. This guy was so dysfunctional that he deserves a Rewind all his own. Happy Sunday!

****************************************************

Friday, November 21, 2008

Bachelor #10 - Shoot me now.

Well, you asked for it...a Bachelor update. So here is it. Don your crash helmets.

I proudly present Bachelor #10.

Here's his profile:

MY HEADLINER IS A TITLE TO A SONG, IT IS ALSO PART OF THE ONLY LYRICS IN THE SONG, IF YOU ARE ABLE TO FINISH IT YOU SHOULD KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN, WHERE I AM, AND WHERE I'M GOING. AND IF NOT TRY GETTING A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE EDGE,AND MAYBE U WILL SLIP AND FALL INTO GRAND CHESTER MEADOWS, WHERE WE CAN SIT WITH SEVERAL SPIECES OF SMALL FURY ANIMALS AND GROOVE ON A PICT,AND AFTER WE CAN GAZE INTO ASTROMONY DOMAIN AND TRY AND SEE THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON SO WE CAN'T BREATH AND TIME IS OF NO IMPORTANCE, AND A TRIP DOWN TO ST. TROPAZ IS JUST WHAT FLOYD ORDERED. IT WOULD BE A SLEEPY TIME IN OUR LIVES AND WE COULD LISTEN TO SHAMUS SING A FEW NOTES AND THEN JUST SIT BACK AND GROOVE ON ECHOES. WOW IF U CAN GET THIS MAYBE YOU WILL WANT TO FIND OUT WHATS BEHIND THESE BLUE EYES, BUT U WILL STILL HAVE TO CLAW YOUR WAY THROUGH THE DISGUISE. IF U READ THROUGH ALL THIS WELCOME TO THE MACHINE,AND MY OPEN ARMS. THANK YOU IF U DON'T GET ANY OF THIS AT ALL I MAY NOT BE FOR U, IF U GET SOME WE CAN AT LEAST TALK, IF YOU GET MOST OR ALL WE MUST HAVE A DATE.


I don't really understand this because his headline is "One Of These Days". No clue what song that is...nor do I plan on investigating it!

The best part (or worst!) is his response to what his ideal first date is.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Ready?

HAVE DINNER AND JUST TALK, AND THEN GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND BALL{JUST JOKING BUT IF U REMEMBER WHAT THAT MENT THEN}OUR TALK WILL BE VERY MEMERABLE


Ugh. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Even funnier, under "Do You Drink?" where your options are no, socially, or often (more than 3x a week), he marked Often! Ya think???? I'm pretty sure he had a few under his belt when he wrote this profile!

So of course I have a few comments and questions:

WHERE WE CAN SIT WITH SEVERAL SPIECES OF SMALL FURY ANIMALS - OK wait, is this supposed to be "pieces of small furry animals" (ewwww!!!) or "species" or does he really mean fury as in the poor little things are pissed off to be there? I'm confused.

GROOVE ON A PICT,AND AFTER WE CAN GAZE INTO ASTROMONY DOMAIN - how does one groove on a pict...what exactly IS a pict? And astromony? Is he dyslexic?

SO WE CAN'T BREATH AND TIME IS OF NO IMPORTANCE - I really hate to point out the obvious, but if I can't breathe (not breath!) time is very important!

ST. TROPAZ - Is that a goldish brown island? Oh wait, that's Topaz, not Tropaz. I assume he means St. Tropez? Wanna take bets he pronounces it "Saint Tropezzzzz"?

WE COULD LISTEN TO SHAMUS SING A FEW NOTES - Is Shamus a person? Or are we listening to Free Willy serenade us from the ocean?

FIND OUT WHATS BEHIND THESE BLUE EYES - I'm betting they are a nice shade of bloodshot red. Seriously, dude. Drop the bong before you start posting profiles.

THANK YOU IF U DON'T GET ANY OF THIS AT ALL I MAY NOT BE FOR U Have I mentioned how much it annoys me that someone not only types in all caps but is too lazy to type "you" instead of U? I am not a University.

THEN GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND BALL - I have no words for this. Honestly. Who puts this in a profile where they are really trying to meet nice women? Not that so much of his profile isn't already wrong on SOOOO many levels, but this is just the kicker.

OK single ladies out there...I'm gonna pass on this one so he's up for grabs! Who wants him?????