It's just too damn hard.
When you think about the sheer amount of people in this world, it shouldn't be that tough to find someone to go out with, right?
I see hundreds, if not thousands, of single men on dating sites. How can it be that there are so few that interest me?
Today, I was checking emails on a dating site and had three from...wait for it...a 28 year old guy.
I am 48. Damn close to 49.
I could be his
So while I'm reading his "Hi babe, you are gorgeous!" emails, an instant message pops up from him.
Needless to say I was pretty uninterested in talking to him. I have nothing in common with someone ten years older than my son.
But I was polite, and responded, and here's how the conversation went:
Him: Hi gorgeous!
Him: Are you you?????
Me: Good, thanks and you?
Him: I am great!!!!!!
Him: So what are you up to?
Me: I'm working
Him: Really? Where?
....as if I'm going to tell him the location of my job.....
Me: I'm self employed.
Him: Wow, cool. I was last summer.
Me: (blink blink....doing what, mowing grass?)
Him: What do you do?
Me: I'm a realtor.
Him. So that means you won't be sleeping for the next month, right?
Me: Um...why wouldn't I?
Him: Retail...busiest time of the year.
Me: (OMG. Sweetie, did they teach reading at your high school?)
At this point I was ready to just ignore him, but I responded and said...
Him: Ohhhhhhhhhh. RealTOR. Got it. Awesome.
Me: Yeah, awesome.
Him: Does anybody buy houses?
Me: No, nobody does. We give them away instead.
Him: Hahahahaha you're funny for realz.
Me: (I can't do this anymore or I will slit my own throat)
Him: So do you want to go to a club or something tonight when you get off work?
Me: (Still trying to figure out how I could be in retail and self employed? Does he think people work for Macys as subcontractors?)
Me: No, thank you. But I do need to go, lots of houses to give away today. Take care.
Him: Can we talk again?
Being single isn't all that bad, right? I've got a great kid, nice house, good job, I don't mind taking out the trash or mowing the grass, and I've got a steady supply of AA batteries.
Maybe I should find myself a girlfriend instead.
Hell, who am I kidding? That would only work for me until it was my turn.
My romantic life is just ho ho hopeless this holiday season.