Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ho Ho Hopeless


I give up on dating. 

Seriously.

It's just too damn hard.

When you think about the sheer amount of people in this world, it shouldn't be that tough to find someone to go out with, right?

I see hundreds, if not thousands, of single men on dating sites. How can it be that there are so few that interest me?

Today, I was checking emails on a dating site and had three from...wait for it...a 28 year old guy.

I am 48. Damn close to 49.

I could be his mother older sister.

So while I'm reading his "Hi babe, you are gorgeous!" emails, an instant message pops up from him.

Needless to say I was pretty uninterested in talking to him. I have nothing in common with someone ten years older than my son.

But I was polite, and responded, and here's how the conversation went:
Him: Hi gorgeous!

Me: Hello

Him: Are you you?????

Me: Good, thanks and you?

Him: I am great!!!!!!

....long pause....

Him: So what are you up to?

Me: I'm working

Him: Really? Where?

....as if I'm going to tell him the location of my job.....

Me: I'm self employed.

Him: Wow, cool. I was last summer.

Me: (blink blink....doing what, mowing grass?)

Him: What do you do?

Me: I'm a realtor.

Him. So that means you won't be sleeping for the next month, right?

Me: Um...why wouldn't I?

Him: Retail...busiest time of the year.

Me: (OMG. Sweetie, did they teach reading at your high school?)

At this point I was ready to just ignore him, but I responded and said...

Me: No..."realtor".

Him: Ohhhhhhhhhh. RealTOR. Got it. Awesome.

Me: Yeah, awesome.

Him: Does anybody buy houses?

Me: No, nobody does. We give them away instead.

Him: Hahahahaha you're funny for realz.

Me: (I can't do this anymore or I will slit my own throat)

Him: So do you want to go to a club or something tonight when you get off work?

Me: (Still trying to figure out how I could be in retail and self employed? Does he think people work for Macys as subcontractors?)

Me: No, thank you. But I do need to go, lots of houses to give away today. Take care.

Him: Can we talk again?

Me: ::::disconnect::::

Being single isn't all that bad, right? I've got a great kid, nice house, good job, I don't mind taking out the trash or mowing the grass, and I've got a steady supply of AA batteries.

Maybe I should find myself a girlfriend instead.

Hell, who am I kidding? That would only work for me until it was my turn.

My romantic life is just ho ho hopeless this holiday season.

26 comments:

Coffeypot said...

I started to say why didn't you just tell him you don't date boys 20 something years your junior, but then you would be missing out on a comedy sketch and blogging material. I started to say why didn't you just tell him you don't date boys 20 something years your junior, but then you would be missing out on a comedy sketch and blogging material.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Poor guy must've flunked Hooked on Phonics. After all...Realtor and retail do sound alike, right??

Don't be discouraged. You may find Mr. Right at a Nascar race or a Boys and Girls Club fundraiser. Hang in there.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I have to laugh because I have had that same conversation with many a dud (and that is not misspelled)when I was doing the dating thing! When you stop looking, that's when you find. Trust me. Maybe you shouldn't stop looking?? Sigh...the grass is always greener isn't it?? Even when you have to mow your own!

Anonymous said...

omg that is too funny....is this what I have to look forward too??? jeez....doesnt sound promising!!lol....looks like being a nun will be my only option....got a good headstart on it right now... LOL>..


Jill from NY

Jazzy Cazy said...

Sooo funny! Man he was dumb wasn't he? I think you're fine just the way you are right now!

xjcx

Smitten by Britain said...

Oh gosh, that is just awful. I can completely understand you feeling hopeless about this. When I got divorced, I made up my mind that if I was going to be single for the rest of my life that I was perfectly okay with that, what I was not willing to settle for was a life "unlived" or "unfulfilled" because I was so bummed about being alone. Life is too much fun and too exciting to miss it all waiting for Mr. Right. So I never went the internet dating route. What I did was find the things I really enjoyed to do and I did them, whether it was travel, joining political groups, ladies groups, sporting events, and just hanging out with friends. And then it just happened. I met someone. But even if I hadn't met someone I was determined to enjoy my life to the fullest, because remember, being with someone has its downsides too. You can't leave the dirty dishes in the sink for three days or your laundry on the floor. If you want to lay in your pj's all day and eat ice cream or not take a bath at all for two days, who cares? Otherwise you have a second person to consider all the time. I just got my first dog two years ago and I have to tell you that if I knew then what I know about dogs, I would have just settled for the dog! ;-) Don't mean to be a downer, just hoping to give a giggle or two.

The Peach Tart said...

Hang in there. You do have to kiss a lot of frogs.

Danica said...

Oh wow, sounds like he needs to go back to school.

Hugs.

There is someone out there. Come to some b-ball games with me. I'll have LW hook you up with some of his official friends. :-) He's got some hot ones!!! And his brother is about to be single. :-)

f1trey said...

I sympathize!! did you see the matches I put up on my blog!?? scarry.....I really sympathize.....

Violet said...

I could use a girlfriend, too...maybe we should IM. :D

Awesome.

Tiffany said...

Hey I'm 28 AND a girl. But like you I'm not into giving. LMAO

And although I'm the same age as that douche, I'm not stupid. Gee I wonder why he's still single? He's so charming.

You just need someone to snuggle with. Your toys can take care of the rest. Maybe get someone with narcolepsy. Then you'd have a snuggle buddy. And when he asks for sex say "Gee we just did and I'm worn out from it. Now shut up and go to sleep". I'm full of awesome ideas.

Jeannie said...

I have seen a number of women in our age bracket find true love again. Most of the time, they met through work or at a neighborhood type party and crossed paths regularly. Acquaintance lead to familiarity lead to interest lead to romance. None were particularly looking...it just grew.

I have also seen a number of women give up after a few disasters - those disasters were largely because they hadn't figured out how to not go for the same kind of guy they divorced.

It could be fun to date a much younger man for a little while (wink wink). Keeping in mind that he could be a con-artist or have mommy issues and therefore would have to be given the heave-ho to keep the tentacles from sticking.

LeeAnn said...

The joys of dating...I've done the internet sites (OMG the doozies I came across). I've even done the personals in the newspaper. I don't recommend them either - that's where I found Mr. Anthrax and we know how that turned out. After that disaster - I decided to stop looking and was content to just be a crazy cat lady. Then all of a sudden - it happened! "C" had been right under my nose for a few years - we were friends from a chat room. To top it off he lived only about 2 blocks from me (we never knew it until we met). It's been great! He's a good guy and I have never been happier, but I had no early intentions of that happening it just did. So, sweetie, it'll happen when you least expect it. Just hang in there!!!

SSP said...

that same guy has been stalking me, and honey, if my life doesn't take a 180 degree turn in that department soon, I may JUST switch my gender preference as well!! What IS it with these younger guys looking for their Cougar? they all want Demi Moore or Courtney Cox! Do we really have that mystique?? or are we all just desperate??

FRANNIE said...

Forget the dating sites. You'll drive yourself nuts.

I've always said if you stop looking you'll find him. Probably by tripping over him in the supermarket but that has to be better than being in retail :). {snicker}

R. Jacob said...

A new game plan perhaps.

alice said...

You kill me - but, only because you have the same experiences that I do! I'm telling you, you have to get off of POF. I finally closed down my profile on there. And - I'm sick of people telling me it will happen when I stop looking. Nice theory, but I don't know if I buy it.

Nanodance said...

Internet dating is good for the funny story material and that is about it. But it is worth it for that!

Julie said...

Oh my God. Anyone over the age of 15 that uses the phrase "for realz" deserves a face stabbing. Immediately. ;o)

Good luck! You'll find one that isn't a complete douche soon...I just know it!

chocdrop said...

Dating sucks so bad!!!! I used to run into same kinds. Since all the drama with my so-called (GAY)spouse. I have thought about switching, the only problem is they don't have the penis...which is my problem in the first place.

sheila said...

Oh. My goodness. LOL. Retail. Blahhhaaaa! You should have told him you had to go...it was past his bedtime. lol

Rebecca said...

Wow, I feel kinda guilty giggling at your story, but you did put it out there. I have no advice other than to follow your heart and enjoy the season of 'single' that you are in.

Roxy said...

Think I'll avoid the dating scene altogether and save myself the hassle, whew!

AirmanMom said...

Julie...this story is too funny (hope you are laughing). Hang in there...you will find Mr. Good (since Mr. Right is only a concept).
Please don't slit your throat, your readers enjoy your blog ;)
~AM

Ace said...

That's too funny. For realz. ;)

gayle said...

From what I have been reading today....you will find your Mr Right or should I say he will find you!!