Monday, June 30, 2008

The Merry Go Round...and the Wii.

OK I did it.

Get your minds out of the gutter...I didn't do *that*. What I meant was I revisited the amusement park and hopped on the merry go round yesterday, just for a thrill.

Wow, that still doesn't sound right. Or maybe I'm just the one with the gutter mind!

Anyway...I went out to M's house yesterday for awhile. Just to hang out and talk. He's got 12 acres out in the country, and this past couple of years finally built a log cabin/house overlooking the pond. It's really beautiful. Although for the record, I don't know if I could ever live there because as I discovered yesterday, the bedrooms have NO CLOSETS. Yes, you read that right! No closets! Who builds a freaking house with no closets?????????? There are dressers...and in the basement by the washer and dryer there are clothes racks where all the hanging clothes go. His theory is that you take stuff out of the dryer, and hang it up right there. Um okay...except that I do laundry once a week...I get clothes out of my closet at least once a day!!!!!!!!!! I also realized there are no doors on the Master Bedroom. If you are in the Great Room, you can look in and see the bed. Which, if nobody else is there, I suppose that's not a problem. But what if the impressionable 9 year old stepson is staying over? I'm thinking you don't want to be flashing him the goods should he decide to walk out the front door for some reason and look to his immediate right! Anyway yeah, so no doors. Also, if you are in the bathroom, there is just a doorway wide open that goes into the bedroom next to the doorway (with a door) that goes out into the hall/kitchen! It's really kind of messed up!!!!

OK back to the subject at hand. The merry go round. Sorry, my ADD kicked in....focus, Julie, focus.

The house has a big wrap around porch that goes around the entire house so we sat outside for awhile, looking at the pond and talking about stuff. Old stuff, new stuff, potential future stuff. The rain had stopped and the sun was coming out and there was a great breeze and stuff. It was really nice. We went in the house so that I could observe the new ceiling fan he put in the day before, which is 20' or so up in the air (vaulted ceiling in the Great Room). I was impressed that he managed to do that all by himself, and I said "How did you carry all those parts up a 16' ladder, hold them and install all at once?" and he pulled the sleeve of his T-shirt up and flashed me a bicep, and I was like "Damn! Welcome to the Gun Show!" Dude has somehow in the last 7 years developed some serious arms! And if you know me at all, you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE good arms on a guy. Give me nice biceps and some great smelling cologne and I am your girl for life. "M" never had arms like that before, trust me I'd have noticed! He's a pretty skinny guy, side by side we look like the number 10. Who knew there were guns under that t-shirt??

Dammit Julie, focus.

OK so anyway, he grabbed us a couple of beers and we sat on the couch and talked some more. Oddly, I was getting really nervous and he was getting closer and closer, and it started making me uncomfortable! (When exactly did I become a prude?) It was almost like a first date and I could not relax! I'm not sure what that was all about...but to make a long story short, I really appreciate the fact that he seems to be able to jump back into what we had so quickly and that his feelings haven't changed in all this time, but for me, after 7 years, I'm basically starting from scratch. Sure, it would have been fun to have spent a lazy day in bed, or just curled up on the couch together or whatever, but I can't just jump back into the middle of a relationship like that.

My same feelings aren't there anymore. I still care about him, but I'm not in love with him now. That isn't to say that I won't ever be again...he's a really great guy...but at this particular moment, it's not there for me. It has to grow, just like it did the first time around. And frankly, I'm a little gun shy now, after what I went through with my marriage and divorce, I'm not in any big hurry to give my heart away again. I'm still trying to piece it back together! So I need to move slowly, and I explained that to him and he understood and was okay with it. At least I think he was okay with it! He said he was. I ended up only staying about 3 hours at his house, even though he wanted me to spend the entire day with him. I just needed to go home. I had a lot of conflicted feelings happening and I can even admit, I had that sort of "run for your life" feeling going on....it happened right after he said "I don't want to waste time...I'd get married again tomorrow if I knew it would work out", and all I could think was that I don't ever want to hurt him but I don't know that I want to even seriously date him again, let alone get married!

Plus, we got a Wii yesterday. And I really just wanted to get home and play it.

That's probably not a good sign is it? That I'm giving up an afternoon of romantic solitude with a great guy to go home and play Wii?

Sigh.

I'm a hot mess.

So the good news is that we did talk last night for about an hour and we are going to go out with Elizabeth and Mike this weekend on a double date....so I guess I'll see if anything sparks a feeling for me...or if this one is just going to have to remain as a fond memory of my past.

Oh, and as for the Wii? Everybody should have one. OMG, funnest thing I've done in ages. My arms hurt like hell today from bowling and tennis! Jordan and I sat in the living room until 10pm last night playing that damn thing. For the record, I suck at Mario Kart.

Friday, June 27, 2008

So hypothetically speaking....

If you date someone (let's call him M) for three years, and it never really gets off the ground because he has an ongoing, nasty custody battle over his son, and he works all the time, and while he evidently thinks he's going to marry you some day down the road, you have no idea of this at the time because his actions speak louder than his words, and his actions indicate that he doesn't have room for you in his life...and you see each other so little that by the time you finally give him the "I think we should see other people" speech, you are already living with another man... (true story!)....

And then you marry that other man, and M rebounds with another woman and marries her 4 days after he finds out you are engaged....

And two years later you find out your husband is having an affair and you call M. to see how he is doing and turns out his marriage isn't doing well either....

And you separate from your husband, and he separates from his wife.

And you get divorced....but his divorce takes longer because they fight over property....

And another two years go by, and you still haven't moved on to dating anyone else after your divorce, and he isn't dating anyone during his divorce....

But you start talking more frequently, and even spend a little quality time together watching "It's a Wonderful Life" at Christmas....

And one night he tells you that you broke his heart when you ended things 6 years ago, because he always knew the two of you would get married, and you say you had no idea he felt that way back then because he didn't act as though he wanted to marry you, and he says you didn't act as though you wanted to get married to anyone, including him...and so you both decide right then to put it on the table and say "Yes, I want to get married".

And now his divorce is finally final July 2nd.

And he's ready to pick up where you two left off 7 years ago.

And his son has graduated from high school so there is no more ugly custody battle taking up his time.

And he's not working 7 days a week anymore.

And it seems as though maybe it's true what they say that timing is everything, and maybe the timing is right now....

And the emotional roller coaster might just be a sweet calm merry-go-round now....

Would you say yes to taking another ride?

Monday, June 23, 2008

And the Song of the Year goes to....

Joey & Rory from "Can You Duet" for my favorite new song...Cheater Cheater!

Cheater cheater where'd you meet her, down at Ernie's bar?
Did she smile your way, twirl her hair and say how cute your dimples are?
Did she use that line 'your place or mine' while you danced with her real slow?
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho?

Liar liar did you buy her whiskey or rum?
Did you hide your ring inside your jeans or did you just keep it on?
When the deed was done and you had your fun, did you think I wouldn't know?
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho?

Now I'm not one to judge someone that I ain't never met
But to lay your hands on a married man's about as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho

Loser loser hope you love her cause you're stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt and load up all your stuff and get the hell out of my house
But I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that low down uptown, slept with every guy around, pressed on eyelash no good white trash ho!

Yeah, you know who that one's dedicated to...

Monday, June 16, 2008

I'm a slacker.

I can admit it. I'm healthy that way!

I can't believe it's been a week since I blogged. I never even mentioned my trip to Cedar Point with the office (or maybe I did and I don't remember, in which case I look like a complete idiot right now!) two weeks ago. I guess I haven't been doing anything newsworthy that required blogging. And I'm way over the whole "deep thinking" thing. Screw it, let life roll.

Jordan finished school...decent grades. I can live with them. At least now our three years of German language hell is finally over!!! He passed the class, barely...but passed regardless! He ended the year with 4 B's, 2 C's and 2 D's. (One D in German, the other in Algebra) He's in summer school right now taking Phys Ed so that he can graduate mid year this year. I just can't believe my baby is going to turn 18 in 6 months, and early grad a month later. Wasn't I just teaching him how to walk a few years ago? I can't believe how fast he's grown up...

Let's see, what else? Oh, I've clearly slacked off on my Daily Plate thing, and this weekend discovered my ex now weighs less than I do. This is unacceptable. He's on this whole "going to the gym and eating better" kick, and he's always weighed more than I do. Well, not now. Needless to say, I'm re-motivated.

Yeah I know, we've heard it all before....

Monday, June 9, 2008

The calm before the storm

Ever go through one of those periods where things are too quiet? Maybe I've just been on an emotional rollercoaster for so long with the ex that when I'm not being thrown around and feel like I'm hurtling through space, ready to throw up...it feels weird! Life just seems really quiet right now...don't get me wrong, I don't need it shaken up! At least not in a bad way!!!

Not much exciting this weekend. Went to a wedding Friday night, one of our former employees got married, so my boss and co-worker (David and Amanda) and David's partner Jeffrey and I all went to the wedding. Did I mention it was a DRY wedding? Jen married a guy who's family is uber religious, I guess, and they do not have alcohol at weddings....so while the wedding was dry, my new big black Coach purse wasn't! I had 22 airplane bottles of Smirnoff Vodka and Maker's Mark in it, and between the four of us we polished off all but one bottle! We had the covert operation down pat....before the dinner when we were outside on the patio, I was sitting on a bench and whoever needed a drink would stand in front of me talking (effectively blocking the view of me to all other guests), while holding his/her glass down in front of them while I poured a bottle of booze into it. Once we got inside, I just made the trips up to the beverage center to get soft drinks, and then would beeline into the restroom on my way back to the table to light 'em up. It all worked out fine....

Saturday, did some shopping at Kohl's and later around 5:30 our server went down at work, and I ended up having to meet the ex here to deal with it. That's always fun. Grabbed a bite to eat and went to his house and watched Rambo, and then was home by midnight.

Speaking of my ex house, can I just say that I have a love-hate relationship with it? When we bought that house, it was my dream home. Big, beautiful, roomy, new, it was everything I never imagined I'd own. We closed on it and moved a week after my sister's funeral. The day we closed and got the key, I remember walking around the house crying, because I had shown Linda pictures of it the day before we lost her, and I kept saying how she'd love it and I couldn't wait for her to see it, and I remember her saying "I'll see it, I promise". So there I was, walking around looking up at her and saying "See my big bedroom? See my fireplace?" and just sobbing that she would never be in that house with me.

But we moved in, and I fell in love with it. We had an 11' lighted Xmas tree in the living room those first holidays, we had everyone there for a few days because that was the year of the big ice storm and we were the only ones in the family who had electric! The first summer in the house I had big beautiful hanging baskets on the front porch, and I took so much pride in keeping the house clean and gorgeous, and was starting to get it decorated the way we wanted it to be. I was very proud of my home. I loved that house.

And then hell broke loose, and my marriage fell apart and I had to move out. I wanted to stay...this was my dream home, dammit...but I couldn't really afford it by myself, and Jordan wanted to move back to Gahanna anyway. Plus, there were just too many memories there to have to live with.

Now, when I go back there, and it's no longer my house, I really love/hate it. I love it because it was everything I once wanted, and I hate it because it was taken away from me. I walk in the door and I instantly get very tense because there is the furniture we bought together (I took nothing with me when I left...other than my clothes and the guest bedroom furniture), there are all the things/spaces I decorated, there are memories in every single room of that house...memories from good days, early in our marriage, and memories from bad days when it all ended. When I'm there, it's like a bad movie playing in my head. And what's worse, is that I can't ever forget that he had sex with that whore who helped break up our marriage, in our bed, in our house. That makes me want to puke.

Anyway...my ex house has been up for sale for over 2 years now. There is a part of me that will undoubtedly walk around the empty house the day he moves out and cry just like I did the day we got the keys to it. I will cry now as I did then, for all that I'd lost, and all that would never be in the that house. But at least I will also be happy, because that chapter, as so many others have in the book of my marriage, will finally have closed.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Happy Birthday, Molly!

Hard to believe it's been 28 years since that bouncing baby with a head full of wild black hair made her appearance in our world. I'm very proud of who you have grown up to be (you give new meaning to the phrase "Lawyered Up"! LOL) and I wish for you a day as beautiful as you are.

Love you, honey!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Another pregnant pause

So remember I told you that on The Nest, we have a running joke about how every time I leave town, someone gets pregnant. At this point women offer me trips just so they can have babies!

Well, when I went to Vegas the end of April, two weeks later my friend Melissa finds out she's having a wee one. My record remained intact!

So two weeks ago, we had a Nestie get together, and one of the gals, Trisha, kept joking that she wanted to sit by me because she was hoping the close proximity might throw a little of the "knocking girls up" thing I have going her way! (I won't elaborate on her situation other than to say it's been a long hard road for them to have a baby) So just for added luck, I rubbed all over her flat little tummy (bitch! LOL) to make sure it worked.

And then Monday, I went out of town, to Cedar Point. Because we all know what happens when I go out of town.

Guess who's pregnant? Yep. Trisha. I'm so freaking happy for her! It brought tears to my eyes to know that her dreams have been answered. I pray for her and her hubby and this little one they have finally been blessed with.

It's a good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!