Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Oh, and remember my clean kitchen from May 18th?

Well, guess what...

IT'S STILL CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohooooooooooooo!

The dining room table *still* only has fresh flowers in a vase on it, and nothing else! Woohoooooooooooooo!

I love it!!

I swear, I'm going to take a picture tonight and post it here for proof!

I've also been purging my bedroom too, which is nice. And I'm looking at new carpet for the living room, and figuring how what color I want to paint everything.

I'm so in control, I scare me!!!!!!!!!

OK so I haven't blogged in 5 days

And I'm only doing so now so that there is something new to read!

I just don't have much going on that's worth blogging about. No hot dates, no weight loss, no loan approval/house closings. I'm pretty boring right now!

Did enjoy a nice long weekend though. Friday night I went to COSI to see the new CSI: The Experience exhibit. Hey, I won free VIP passes to the event on the Readers Rewards thingy at the Dispatch! I wouldn't have gone otherwise, but it was free and it got me out of the house on a Friday night. Went with one of my friends so at least I didn't sit home whining about being dateless.

Saturday night, I went with my friend Danica to her friend Bev's 50th birthday party. It was a lot of fun. The best part was the 80's karaoke music coming from the "disco" in the garage. Of course, that wasn't the only part of the evening that reminded me of the 80's (enuf said)....and then I woke up on Sunday feeling like I was it was a good night!

Also spent some time hanging out with my sisters, which is kind of odd for me. We don't spend a lot of time together outside of family functions, and I'm not sure if it's a product of them being so much older than me (9 and 13 years older) (they would both love me announcing to the world via the internet that they are 60 and 55!!!!) or if we just don't have all that much in common. But the truth is, we do have things in common. My sister Patty and I went shopping for a couple of hours on Sunday and I really had a good time! (She divorced a cheating husband years ago like I did, you'd think we'd have a lot to talk about! LOL) And after that I went to my other sister's for dinner, and hung out with her and my Mom. All in all it was a very good day, even though I kind of felt like dog shit from the night before. Clearly, I don't party as well as I used to! It takes too damn long to recover!!

Monday was just a day spent mostly at the office working on our server. Not how I wanted to spend a holiday, but it was an emergency and I didn't have a choice.

See, told you I didn't have anything exciting to blog about!!!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

OK clearly we have a listening problem.

So perhaps I need to be a bit clearer. And louder.

Dear Universe:

You have until 5pm EST to approve the f*cking loan.


You do not want to cause M&S to lose this house. It will not be pretty. We have all been patient but you are really, really trying us now.











Thank you.

Love, Julie

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dear Universe

Thank you for letting M & S get their loan approval tomorrow and letting them close before the end of the month.

Love, Julie

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

MRI Results

The doctor's office just called me with my MRI results.

"You have 3 herniated disks!" Um, yes, I knew that last year.

"The doctor wants to know how are you feeling today?" Fine today...I have good days and bad and this happens to be a good one.

"Great! Well is there anything else we need to do?" Well you are referring me to a neurosurgeon from what I understand...

"Oh, has that been done?"
I don't know, has it? You're referring me, not vice versa.

So I asked if there was any difference in last year's MRI and this one and she of course had no clue, so I asked that the Dr call me to discuss the two, and what I can expect from the neurosurgeon visit. I also explained that I have a personal referral for a doctor (thanks, Greg!) and she will note that on my chart and see if they can refer me to him.

To be continued....

And my work here continues....

Last night I made a list of all the things I want to do to my house, as part of this "decluttering" stage I'm in. The list was pretty lengthy too! Some easy things, some hard things, and all of which require work.

Work is good for me. It keeps me from getting myself into trouble in other areas, such as doing stupid shit like letting the past interfere with my present. Thing is, and this may sound weird to those who don't know me well, but I've spent 7 years of my life totally focused on my ex. It was all about him...making sure he was happy, doing whatever he needed done, being whoever he expected me to be, and then after our divorce I was just plain out of my mind. Three years ago at this time, I was just finding out that he was having an affair and my marriage was over. THREE YEARS! So why in the hell am I just putting this behind me now???????

Because I'm a wing nut. Come on, show of hands...who's surprised by this? for me right now is all about refocusing. Refocusing my time and my energy and my thoughts and my feelings towards other things. It's funny because it's like your brain has these ruts that develop over time, and for me my thoughts just go down the road of those ruts as they have for 7 years now. So my challenge is to create new ruts to travel on!

And you know what my biggest challenge is? PUTTING MYSELF FIRST. Thinking about what I want, and what I need. It makes me feel selfish, and it's a hard thing to get used to. I haven't put me first in years. Not since I had a child. And certainly not since I met my ex. I guess I will eventually find that balance between doing the things I want to do for me, and not feeling guilty about it.

It's kind of sad to think it's taken me 47 years to become an active participant in my own life. But hey, better late than never, right?


OMG...LOL. I just read my horoscope for today!

Well, that's it then. Decision made. Process complete. Vital, life-changing conclusions reached. New financial, emotional and spiritual regime begun. You are not aware that such momentous forces have been called into play? It may be because, so far, the changes have been private, personal and psychological, rather than physical. There may even have been no discussion, let alone demonstration. But that's coming along soon enough. What matters is the intention, and that, now, is clear.

Well then! I guess that's that!

Monday, May 19, 2008

A whole life makeover.

I have started clearing the clutter in my life.

It has come to my attention recently that there are a lot of things holding me back from living the life that I want to live...and I'm the biggest offender. I asked on here a week or two ago "Can you get to a future if your past is present?" and I had to finally take some action on that.

My past is no longer present. My past is in my past where he belongs. My past won't be coming back to haunt me either because I won't allow it.

The other thing that has been really affecting me recently is the state my house has been in. I have many friends who's houses are pristine. Everything has a place. There is no clutter. The dining room table is for dining, not for piling crap on! I used to have a pristine house, when I was married. I lived in my dream home, it was big and beautiful and I was proud of it.

I haven't been proud of much recently. In fact, I've been more embarrassed and ashamed than anything. Embarrassed at my own behavior, when it came to my house, and the mess I allowed it to be. I wrote it off to having a teenager, but the truth is that for the past three years, I have just checked out of life. I may have been physically here...breathing...functioning....but mentally and emotionally, I've felt like the walking dead.

My divorce was hard on me, but I made it worse by staying involved in a relationship with my ex-husband. I can't tell you why I did it, I mean what woman in her right mind would continue to stay with someone who cheated on her, lied to her at every turn, even went as far as to destroy my belongings as I was moving out of the house? I have no defense for my actions. Elizabeth's assessment is that I have spent the past three years trying to prove to him that he fucked up in getting involved with another woman, that he had the best thing in the world right there at home and he couldn't see it. Maybe there is some truth in that. And maybe I just didn't want to let go of my marriage. I didn't want to be out in the world again as a single woman, having to date and get to know someone all over again. I didn't want to go back to going to family fucntions alone, to not having anyone to do things with on the weekends, to be solo at the office Christmas party.

But here I am. 47 and single. And I have to get to the point that I'm okay with that. I have to be happy with the cards that life has dealt me, and make the best damn poker hand that I can. And for the first time since my divorce, I'm really, really trying.

I threw out the Joker. (LOL!)

I am now Queen of my own life.

Somewhere there is a King looking for a hot babe like me.

And my Ace in the hole is that no matter what happens from here on out, I have friends who love me, family who stands by me no matter what, an amazing child that makes me laugh and smile every single day, and I am thankful for every bump in the road, every heartbreak, every tear I've had to cry to get to where I am today, because it's made me stronger than I ever knew I was.

So yeah, I'm cleaning house. Literally as well as figuratively! Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen and dining area from top to bottom. There is no longer anything on the counters that doesn't belong there! Everything is clean...appliances, cabinets, floors! The dining table as a centerpiece and nothing else! If feels SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! Jordan got home from work and walked in and said "Whoa! What happened here today??" Then he decided that it feels like we just moved in and it was freaking him out. LOL

This morning, I stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen to turn the alarm off and let the dogs out, and was pleasantly suprised at how clean it was! It really started my day off right!!!!! Tonight, I'm working on my bedroom or the bathroom, one of the two. And assigning tasks to my son regarding the computer room!! I'm having that pristine house again...I'm tired of the chaos that my outer world reflects, I've been chaotic enough on the inside!

I'm getting everything in my life in order. I got off track with the Daily Plate this past couple of weeks but I'm back on it today. I read something the other day that really hit home with me:

"The body you are given will be yours for the duration of your time here. Love it or hate it, accept it or reject it, it is the only one you will receive in this lifetime. It will be with you from the minute you draw your first breath to the last beat of your heart. Since there is a no-refund, no-exchange policy on this body of yours, it is essential that you learn to transform your body from a mere vessel into a beloved partner and lifelong ally, as the relationship between you and your body is the most fundamental and important relationship of your lifetime. It is the blueprint from which all your other relationships will be built."

That's pretty profound, isn't it?

I love lightbulb moments!

OK so I'm off work clean up some of the chaos in my office now. I'm telling you, I am decluttering every area of my life. Ain't nothing safe from Hurricane Julie right now!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

So, my renter has defaulted on his rent...

And I'm going to have to start eviction proceedings. I have chased this guy down every freaking month to get his rent, and he's been living in my condo since September and STILL has not put the gas bill in his name. I end up having to pay it because it's in mine, and while he does reimburse me, it still pisses me off that he refuses to put it in his name.

So being unfamiliar with how the eviction process works, I have to spend the day figuring it out. I believe I have to give him a Notice of Default and allow him 15 days (per the lease) to remedy the situation. If he doesn't, then I post a 3 Day Eviction notice on his door, and after that if he doesn't move then I have to file eviction papers in the court.

THIS SUCKS. As some of you know, when my last renter ditched me and left me with $6,000 in damages, I ended up also paying the mortgage for a year while it was on the market before I finally gave in and re-rented it again, so I incurred $17,000 of debt thanks to my last renter. Now, just as I got a big raise at work and am finally able to throw extra money at that debt....this asshole decides not to pay his rent.

I'm so pissed I can't even see straight.


OK so to follow this up, I finally got a hold of him this morning. He said he just dropped off the rent check and the late fee and the utility payment to my house, along with a letter apologizing for not calling me and paying late etc. He still wants to buy the condo and asked me for the name and number of the mortgage person I work with. So I'm going to hook them up, and get him to buy the damn thing so that I don't have to be a landlord anymore. This has not been my idea of a good time.

And let it be known that on the day of closing, when I no longer own the condo after 14 years....I will get drunk and dance down the street.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I love good news!

According to my blog comments from yesterday, which of course I didn't read until friend Melissa has Baby #2 on Board!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea!!!!!! She has this amazing little boy named Austin who is still getting to know me (he's not quite sure he likes me, but I'll win him over with my charming personality, you just wait and see!), and I'm going on record right now as saying this next little bundle of joy is a girl. Just a feeling I have....

We have a running joke on The Nest that every time I go out of town, women get pregnant. It's happened every time I've gone somewhere, and at this point I have women offering me vacations just to get me out of Columbus so they can get pregnant.

So I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago, and Melissa is the third woman THIS WEEK to tell me there's a new little one on the way....

I rest my case.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

And the pendulum swings back the other direction now....

Mood swings. Gotta love 'em. Menopause at it's finest!

So today, I'm in a better mood. Even though my renter has not paid his rent yet, and is avoiding my phone calls. Arrrrgh. And even though my buyer hasn't been able to close yet, and it makes me upset for her because I know how much she loves this house, and the freaking mortgage companies are jacking her around.

But I laughed out loud this morning at my horoscope. It says:

The past is not yet the past. It is the force that has shaped the present and, if you are not careful, it will turn out to be the force that defines your future. You keep referring to some experience which made a big impression on you long ago. You are subtly allowing this to colour your judgement, prejudice your opinion and stunt your imagination. You stand poised to achieve great things. Before you can move forward successfully, though, you must first face (and beat) an old fear.

So I email it to Elizabeth and say, "Gee, wonder what *that's* about? LOL Think it's trying to tell me something???" and she responds in her typical fashion:

Uh, yeah! In a nutshell, you're allowing one negative event to define your entire life at this point. And to put it in perspective, you're allowing the fact that a man who has NEVER been faithful to ANYONE make you feel like a failure because he wasn't faithful to YOU. Thing about all this is, VP (note: this is our nickname for my ex) was just being VP. You happened to choose a fellow who just plain is who he is, and won't ever change, and you made it your mission in life to make him into someone else. And when it didn't work, you turned it on yourself, like you had fallen short somewhere. It would be like me buying a dog, and then spending the next 7+ years trying to get it to act like a cat, and then feeling awful about myself and mistrusting every other dog on the planet because I couldn't turn this one into something that purrs instead of barks.

Metaphor Mary strikes again! lol

So let that dog be the dog he was born to be and go find yourself another pet. Out of all the millions of men in this world, many of which who are very GOOD men.... stop letting this one insignificant petty little person define your entire being. There's a whole world out there full of really great things, and you'll never find them if you stay sitting on the couch wishing your dog were a cat. Accept that he's a dog and let him go piss in someone else's yard.

OMG, it makes me laugh all over again when I read it. God love her. She can come up with some good ones!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Probably shouldn't blog today.

Had a crappy weekend (alone of course, as they all are), and feeling very bitchy today. Neither are conducive to an entertaining blog. So I'm going to crawl back into my black hole and rock back and forth, babbling incoherently to myself because clearly, I'm a freaking wing nut for reasons I choose not to publicly disclose. Just trust me on this one.

People with penises piss me off and need to stay out of my way. Correction....specific people. You know who you are.

Just call me Pissy McBitcherson today. Not to my face though unless you want wounded. :)

Friday, May 9, 2008

Can you get to a future if your past is present?

I watched the episode of Sex and The City (3 weeks from today, the movie comes out. Yay!!) last night where this was Carrie's topic for her column. The show had to do with her trying to move on with one man when she was still involved (albeit emotionally) with Big.

I can identify...and my answer to this burning question is...NO. Until you move on from the past you cannot create the kind of future you want. I'm somewhat stuck in relationship purgatory right now, in that I'm not really involved with my ex but I'm not really out of his life either. There are a couple of things that still bind us together, that will eventually be resolved either with time or distance, but for now I am somewhat stuck in my past.

And it's not as though we are in a "romantic" relationship! We're friends who don't happen to be dating anyone else. But that's what makes it weird, and sometimes hard, is that I've been with this man for seven years, he's the single longest relationship of my life....and so it's just habit to hold hands, kiss, call him "honey" or whatever. However, NOT doing those things feels foreign, and feels detached and makes me feel sad. It's a weird situation to be in. The feelings are more than friends, but not romantic anymore. I don't know how to describe it, but it just makes me miss being coupled up all that much more.

So I'm ready to date, I really am. I miss having that companionship. I miss the weight of a man's body on top of mine! I don't honestly know how I feel about getting married again....I think I would like to do it again some day because I loved being married. I was a damn good wife! But at this point, I'd be happy just to have someone actively IN my life. Someone to travel with, and just enjoy hanging out together.

Enough whining about what I don't have. Let's talk about what I *do* have!

A bad back! haha

As most everybody knows, I have 3 herniated disks in my low back. Last May/June I got the epidural shots which helped for a short time. But around October or November, the effects of the shots wore off which was right about the time that I started working 60 hours a week, so the strain on my spine from sitting all those hours in front of a computer has been really intense.

I do all the back exercises that the therapists taught me. I try to walk as much as possible, or at least as much as my back will allow. On the really bad days, I take a lot of Vicodin and stay horizontal with the heating pad until I can move. But I can't keep going like this. It's back at the point where it hurts 24/7, and I don't sleep well because I'm waking up every time I move in my sleep because shifting positions hurts. And now I've got something going on in my right hip, which is undoubtedly connected to all of this. I can't cross my legs when sitting, at least not my right over left, because it feels like someone is trying to tear my leg off.

It sucks getting old! haha....if only that were the problem.

So my doctor is sending me to a neurosurgeon for evaluation. I have to have another MRI done since my last one is a year old (and evidently they require a recent one?). I really don't care to have back surgery, but I'm told it's not a case of "if", it's "when". So I will meet with a surgeon and find out what options I have, if any, and how long I can put this off. I don't have time to be off work for six weeks! Hell, I can barely be gone a day that I'm not getting phone called and emailed to death. David would pass out if I said I had to be off for a month or so! But who knows, maybe the surgery wouldn't be that invasive? Maybe I'd only be down a week or two? Or maybe there are other things they can do besides surgery, to at least buy me some time that is relatively pain free?

If I'm gonna be flat on my back, there better be a cabana boy feeding me grapes. I'm just sayin.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Awareness is an odd thing

I'm becoming more aware of who I am.

Funny thing to discover at age 47, isn't it? Or maybe it's not.

I'm not sure what has lead to this self discovery, or why. But I've noticed that I am far more cognizant of my own behaviors than I ever have been in the past. Maybe it's because most people annoy the shit out of me these days. Not just total strangers, but people I love too! I find myself avoiding phone calls so that I don't have to talk...or having textual relations only. I write that off to peri-menopause and the complete change of hormones in my body, but the truth is, I'm just a short fused, easily ired, moody, annoyed, bored, uninterested bitch these days. (When I'm not my usual fun loving, wise cracking, sarcastic, amusing self, that is!)

But at least it's not 24 hours a day. Noooo, au contraire. It comes at random moments. Which on one hand is good, and on another....not so good for the idiot driving down the freeway in the fast lane at 55mph when the speed limit is clearly 65mph. And, the people in the right lane have me boxed in behind this guy, and I'm ready to make a sharp right and take out about three cars if SOMEBODY doesn't get their shit together and move their fucking car out of my way!

I feel better now that I got that out of my system.

But seriously, I can wake up pissed off. What the hell is there to wake up pissed off about? Bad dream? Nope. Early alarm? Same time as usual. No sex the night before and no prospect for any upon waking? Well, sure...that irritates me, but I'm learning to live with it! I can have a great night's sleep (which for me means I don't get woken up at some point with my back hurting so bad that I can't get comfortable enough to sleep) and yet by the time I get out of the shower, I'm pissed off about something.

Moody bitch.

Anyway....what I was starting to say before my ADD kicked in, was that I'm at least paying more attention to self. I'm a big proponent of speak your mind. Call a spade a spade. Don't sugarcoat anything....tell people the truth. And this particular characteristic of mine has people either loving or hating me. There's not a lot of in between! This was the part of me that my ex-hasbeen hated (aw hell, this was one of many things he hated about me. If I'd have been blind, deaf and unable to speak, we'd still be married.)

So I am learning to shut up. Bite my tongue. Walk on by. And it ain't easy for me to do!!!!! Because I always want to save someone, I always want to right the wrong, or prevent people I love from making mistakes that I've made in the past. I always try to mitigate risk wherever possible (although not to the extent Elizabeth does, LOL). But at this point, I've finally realized....sometimes it's better to just keep your opinions to yourself because even though people ask you for them, what they really want is for you to tell them what they want to hear. I've never been good at doing that, and I'm finally learning that what my mother used to tell me really is true...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything!

So when you talk to me, and you see me biting my lip or clenching my teeth or having this ridiculous smile on my face that makes me look somewhat psychotic, just know that I really, really want to say something at that moment, but I am choosing to keep my mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!

When it comes to my ex though, I may need a muzzle. I'm just sayin.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Liars, cheaters and whores...oh my.

Marc Dann needs to be fired.

NOT just resign. They need to fire his ass on the spot. He should have been thrown out with the other trash in his office.

For those of you reading who don't know who Dann is, he's our Attorney General for the State of Ohio. I voted for him...and up until a month ago I thought he was doing a great job in office. He ran on a platform of cleaning up government and getting rid of corruption in office.

I guess he didn't consider sexual harrassment in the office, an unhealthy work environment, lying under oath, cheating on his wife with an employee, using the taxpayers money to fund his affair and his three best friend's affairs, and repairing damages to State vehicles incurred by his drunken be corruption in government.

As you can imagine, I didn't have much tolerance for cheating husbands before mine cheated on me. Now I have less than zero tolerance. And this man reminds me of my ex in the fact that he blames "going through a rough time with his wife" as the reason he was fucking his assistant. In other words...Oops, I tripped over my midlife crisis and landed on a pair of boobs that weren't my wife's. What a dick.

Dann says he wasn't aware of what his top 3 administrators (his long term best friends, mind you) were doing yet I can tell you with 100% certainty that if one of my best friends was having an affair, I'd know it. Unless of course, I was busy screwing my scheduler. Whatever.

Regardless...he needs to go. He lied under sworn testimony and then tried to backtrack by saying "Wait, I didn't get to fully answer a question you asked me". Yes you answered with A LIE. You lied to protect your own sorry ass and you lied to protect your friends who were sexually harrassing women in your office. You have proven that you have no integrity, and that you do not belong in an elected official's position.

The person I feel for the most is his wife. I've been there, I know what it's like to find out your husband is screwing someone else. I know what it's like to realize that the vows you took meant absolutely nothing to him. That he's willing to risk everything you have, your future, your life together, your finances, your dreams...everything...just to stick his dick in someone else because he's having a "rough time" at home. I know what it's like to be humiliated in front of family and friends when you find out that everyone knows about his affair but you. I know what it's like to find out that HIS friends went to lunches and dinners and things with him and his whore and then looked you in the eye like nothing was wrong. I know what it's like to read text messages...or hear voice mails...that hurt you so much, you never ever forget them. I have been there. I just thank God it wasn't on a public stage like what she's going through is.

I pray for her, and I pray that 5 minutes after they either force him to resign or impeach him, that she files for divorce and runs for her life. I wish I'd walked away after mine, instead of staying around and trying to prove to him how wrong he was to blow our marriage into bits. There is no fixing this...once it happens, it can never be taken back. You are never the same people as you were before...and I hope and pray for Mrs. Dann and her children, that they will someday be able to put this behind them.

Of course, people ask me how long it took for me to get over and it and I always say....any day now!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Monday already?

Wow, the weekend flew by. I had a lot to do so I guess that's why.

Actually Friday night I was home alone. Pretty typical for me. I really want to be dating again, I miss having someone to do things with on the weekends.

Saturday, went to my niece's First Communion, and then home to prepare Jordan for Prom! He and Stephanie looked great, as you can see.

Then on Sunday, I went to my friend Penny's 60th birthday party. It was really good to see her again. It's been almost a year since we last saw each other, she and her husband semi-retired and hit the road! They travel around in an RV and the last trip back in at Thanksgiving, I didn't get to see her. So here we are, two old friends who've been close as sisters for about 25 years now.

Neither of us have changed a bit. LOL

Other than that, I fought the nonstop, painful back all weekend. Last summer I had the epidural shots into my spine to try and alleviate some of the herniation of the disks. All was good until the shots wore off, which was right about the time I started working 60 hours a week. Sitting down in a chair all that time is not good for my back. So it's been feeling worse and worse for months, to the point that I'm waking up early in the morning unable to find a comfortable sleeping spot. I guess I'm going to have to resort to going back to the doctor and either deciding to try the shots again, or talk seriously about the surgery option.


Thursday, May 1, 2008

Mood swings...

What's with the mood swings? I've noticed these days that my mood will change at the drop of a hat. It's been pointed out to me by my ex, even....(and God knows I've been moody with him for 3 years now!)...that one second I'll be chatty Cathy and the next I'm not speaking and clearly pouting about something.

Now, in my own defense, when it comes to him, he can breathe too loud and it pisses me off. So he's not a good example of why my mood is like a pendulum!

But with everyone else, I'm not mad at anyone...and yet everyone can piss me off in a moment's notice! It's like I have zero tolerance for anything at this point.

Elizabeth and I were talking wedding cakes earlier today and she's a bit more nonchalant about her wedding cake than I would be, or was about mine. And that's's her wedding! But I found myself getting pissed off because she wants to have plain vanilla and chocolate cake to please the majority of her guests, when I'm's your wedding, get what YOU like and let everyone else either eat it or not!!!!!!!!!! I actually went off on a tangent about it to her, lecturing about how she needs to stop trying to please everyone and do what she wants to do, etc.

Like it's any of my business whatsoever!

Who am I to tell someone else how their wedding should be? Just because I'm self centered and selfish and want things MY way, doesn't mean everyone else thinks like me! Thank God Elizabeth has been one of my best friends for about 15 years now, otherwise she'd probably break up with me!!!!!!!

I'm guessing this is just menopausal kind of symptoms, and that I'm not just a total bitch?