And the lucky winners are.....

According to the random draw thingy....

The winner of the tote bag is....DANICA!!!!!

The winner of the zippered bag is....FRAGRANT LIAR!!!!!

The winner of the key fob is....I SAY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND I'M THE BITCH!!!!

Congratulations, ladies!!!!!

Please drop Crystal a line at bucks724@yahoo.com and give her your mailing address so she can send you your prize!!!!

Thanks to everyone who participated, and remember next week there will be another giveaway featuring Tastefully Simple items!!!!

Coming Monday!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps the worst Bachelor of them all!

Yep, I may have found the grossest bastard in all of cyberdating.

Or I should say, he found me.

Of course he did. I seem to have a neon sign over my head to attract winners like this one.

You're gonna love him.

Last chance for entering my giveaway!

Quick, GO HERE and get your entries in for my giveaway!

Sometime tonight Crystal will do the random picker thingy and three of you will win! I'll notify you and hook you up with Crystal so she can get your mailing address and get your prize out the door!

Thanks to everyone who entered, and stay tuned because next week I'm going to do another giveaway courtesy of my buddy Trisha who's launching her Tastefully Simple business!!!!

Happy Friday!!!!!

Who wants a freebie? **LINKS FIXED***

OK so my buddy Crystal graciously offered to host a giveaway on my blog. She has her own Etsy shop and I'm happy to drive some business her way.

Here are the items she's giving away to three of my lucky readers:

A reversible tote bag :

And a Zippered Bag:

And a key fob!!!

  

So here's how we're gonna play...

1. Go to Chaya’s Corner on Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/chayascorner and look at the items. That's all, just look.  (Feel free to buy, but to win the giveaway you just gotta check out her stuff.)

2. Leave a comment on the Chaya’s Corner blog http://chayascorner.blogspot.com/ stating which item(s) you like the best (and why if you’d like) and while you're there, become a follower of the Chaya’s Corner blog.  If you're really feeling generous, Heart Chaya’s Corner on Etsy and leave a comment on the blog stating you Heart Chaya’s Corner on Etsy!

3.  MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE A COMMENT HERE SAYING YOU DID STEP #2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We will pick the winners from the comments left on my blog!  But don't think you can outfox us....we'll be checking to make sure the winners leave comments in both places!

That's it! 

I'll keep the giveaway open until 6pm on Friday, and then Crystal will use that Random generator thingy to find out who my three lucky winners are!

So ladies and gentlemen, start your engines, go visit Chaya's Corner, and leave a comment here to win!!!!

Good luck!

Uncork one for me, will ya?

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one , she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....'

My Own Personal Biggest Loser

I think this speaks for itself.

83 lbs.

I am so damn proud of my son.

And no, Danica...you can not be his cougar. LOL

Sunday Rewind - Bachelor #10

It's hard to believe it's been a year since I was doing my Bachelor series on my adventures in internet dating. This guy was so dysfunctional that he deserves a Rewind all his own. Happy Sunday!

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Friday, November 21, 2008

Bachelor #10 - Shoot me now.

Well, you asked for it...a Bachelor update. So here is it. Don your crash helmets.

I proudly present Bachelor #10.

Here's his profile:

MY HEADLINER IS A TITLE TO A SONG, IT IS ALSO PART OF THE ONLY LYRICS IN THE SONG, IF YOU ARE ABLE TO FINISH IT YOU SHOULD KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN, WHERE I AM, AND WHERE I'M GOING. AND IF NOT TRY GETTING A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE EDGE,AND MAYBE U WILL SLIP AND FALL INTO GRAND CHESTER MEADOWS, WHERE WE CAN SIT WITH SEVERAL SPIECES OF SMALL FURY ANIMALS AND GROOVE ON A PICT,AND AFTER WE CAN GAZE INTO ASTROMONY DOMAIN AND TRY AND SEE THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON SO WE CAN'T BREATH AND TIME IS OF NO IMPORTANCE, AND A TRIP DOWN TO ST. TROPAZ IS JUST WHAT FLOYD ORDERED. IT WOULD BE A SLEEPY TIME IN OUR LIVES AND WE COULD LISTEN TO SHAMUS SING A FEW NOTES AND THEN JUST SIT BACK AND GROOVE ON ECHOES. WOW IF U CAN GET THIS MAYBE YOU WILL WANT TO FIND OUT WHATS BEHIND THESE BLUE EYES, BUT U WILL STILL HAVE TO CLAW YOUR WAY THROUGH THE DISGUISE. IF U READ THROUGH ALL THIS WELCOME TO THE MACHINE,AND MY OPEN ARMS. THANK YOU IF U DON'T GET ANY OF THIS AT ALL I MAY NOT BE FOR U, IF U GET SOME WE CAN AT LEAST TALK, IF YOU GET MOST OR ALL WE MUST HAVE A DATE.


I don't really understand this because his headline is "One Of These Days". No clue what song that is...nor do I plan on investigating it!

The best part (or worst!) is his response to what his ideal first date is.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Ready?

HAVE DINNER AND JUST TALK, AND THEN GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND BALL{JUST JOKING BUT IF U REMEMBER WHAT THAT MENT THEN}OUR TALK WILL BE VERY MEMERABLE


Ugh. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Even funnier, under "Do You Drink?" where your options are no, socially, or often (more than 3x a week), he marked Often! Ya think???? I'm pretty sure he had a few under his belt when he wrote this profile!

So of course I have a few comments and questions:

WHERE WE CAN SIT WITH SEVERAL SPIECES OF SMALL FURY ANIMALS - OK wait, is this supposed to be "pieces of small furry animals" (ewwww!!!) or "species" or does he really mean fury as in the poor little things are pissed off to be there? I'm confused.

GROOVE ON A PICT,AND AFTER WE CAN GAZE INTO ASTROMONY DOMAIN - how does one groove on a pict...what exactly IS a pict? And astromony? Is he dyslexic?

SO WE CAN'T BREATH AND TIME IS OF NO IMPORTANCE - I really hate to point out the obvious, but if I can't breathe (not breath!) time is very important!

ST. TROPAZ - Is that a goldish brown island? Oh wait, that's Topaz, not Tropaz. I assume he means St. Tropez? Wanna take bets he pronounces it "Saint Tropezzzzz"?

WE COULD LISTEN TO SHAMUS SING A FEW NOTES - Is Shamus a person? Or are we listening to Free Willy serenade us from the ocean?

FIND OUT WHATS BEHIND THESE BLUE EYES - I'm betting they are a nice shade of bloodshot red. Seriously, dude. Drop the bong before you start posting profiles.

THANK YOU IF U DON'T GET ANY OF THIS AT ALL I MAY NOT BE FOR U Have I mentioned how much it annoys me that someone not only types in all caps but is too lazy to type "you" instead of U? I am not a University.

THEN GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND BALL - I have no words for this. Honestly. Who puts this in a profile where they are really trying to meet nice women? Not that so much of his profile isn't already wrong on SOOOO many levels, but this is just the kicker.

OK single ladies out there...I'm gonna pass on this one so he's up for grabs! Who wants him?????

Happy Halloween and some other crap

Happy Halloween from the Wicked Witch of Ohio.

Thursday started out great. I went to the Crimestoppers annual breakfast award function with my ex. He is a previous Citizen of the Year winner for his role in nabbing a grandfather who kidnapped his four grandkids during an Amber Alert in 2004, back when we were still happily married. The keynote speaker was Chris Hansen from Dateline. Jordan and I love, love, love his series on "To Catch A Predator" so I really enjoyed his speech.

Got into work around 10am and started what I thought would be a pretty typical, busy day.

Around 11am, I started feeling bad.

Really bad.

Broke out into that cold sweat where you are all clammy and feeling odd, which followed quickly with rumbling stomach, and that mouth watering thing that happens when you know you are about to start throwing up. Three trips to the bathroom gagging later, I decided I needed to go home. I felt so bad, I can't even tell you.

So I leave work.

By the time I get to my car (swallowing a lot on the way to the parking lot in hopes I wasn't going to hurl in the middle of State Street), I hear the little voice mail notification from my phone. I sat in the car and listened to a voice mail from my sister, who was crying and saying I needed to call her back right away as something was wrong with my mom and the nursing home had called 911 and she was being rushed to the hospital.

Really? NOW? :::hurl:::: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I drove off and started crying because I felt so horrible and I just needed to go home, and yet there was no way I could NOT go to the hospital. I had no idea what was wrong with Mom other than she wasn't being responsive.

So I stopped by home, put on some comfy clothes, chugged down some Alka Selzer, prayed to the porcelain God for a few minutes, and head to the ER. I figured....what better place for me to be sick than at a hospital, right?

Long story short, they admitted Mom. The good news is that the CAT scan was okay so she wasn't having any brain issues. She's been fighting a bad UTI for six weeks now, and it appears she has two different infections in her urine. She's pretty sick. We finally got her into a room around 6pm and she's got an IV to try and rehydrate her plus she's getting antibiotics through it.

She'll be there a couple of days or more, and hopefully they can get her turned around. They put her on the floor that is mostly palliative care and hospice so she has a private room which is nice for us because my sisters and I will always have at least one of us there at all times.

So yeah, not the best day I've ever had. By the time I got home, I was feeling better....stopped hurling around 3pm but still felt overall yucky. Fortunately I'm off today, so I'm getting a slow start this morning as I'm still kind of queasy (sort of like morning sickness!) but I'm headed to the hospital soon.

Hope you all have a bewitching Halloween, and don't eat too much candy corn. See you Monday.

Thousand Word Thursday

Ahahahahahahaa...now *that's* funny.

My entertaining roommate son updated his blog with a very funny post. I see some stand up in his future if the whole IT thing at UC doesn't work out!

Click here and check him out. And leave him some comment love, will ya? The dude's on a roll this week...he's hit his goal weight of 175 lbs (83 lb weight loss! I have my own Biggest Loser thing going on at home! He looks so damn amazing I can't even tell you), he's doing great in college (100% on an English test? Who are you and what have you done with Jordan?) and now he's evidently writing funnier blogs than his momma.

More fun shit to ponder

You know I always love a good ponder. Got these in an email a few weeks ago and have been saving them for brain cramp day. Tada! Today's the day I have nothing better to blog about!!!!

Enjoy!

• A day without sunshine is like night.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• Remember, half the people you know are below average.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
• Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
• Speed of Light? OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
• He who laughs last, thinks slowest
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

This kind of crap would happen to me.

OMG, this is hilarious. Fair warning, keep the sound down if you're at work!

There is something seriously wrong with me

Ok so do you watch Survivor? If you know me, you know I'm a reality showholic, and I've never missed a season of this show in particular.

So this season, there is a guy on the show named Russell.

He's an asshole.

And yet, I find him attractive.

I know, right?  Those of you who watch are now screaming at your computer screen saying "Dear God, help this woman because she has clearly lost her frickin mind".

The dude is like 5'6" (I'm 5'9), he's built like a fire plug, sorta like Barney Rubble without the blonde hair.   I never *ever* have been attracted to men shorter than me.  The last thing I ever want to do is find myself looking down to kiss a man. 

And seriously, he is truly a dick.  It's ridiculous.  What a controlling ass.

And yet....I've got chick wood for him.

I think it's the Southern accent.  I've always had a thing for accents.  He's got this Texas drawl that I find soooooooooo sexy.  Clearly, I need to meet a man from the South!

And he's all man, I gotta give him that.  There's no tender sensitive "in touch with his feminine side" thing going on with this dude.  He's walking testosterone.

I'm not sure if I'm so hard up for male attention that someone like this would catch my eye or what.  Scares me to think what kind of guy I may end up dating one day.

Seriously, I have got to get out more before I end up dating a midget or something.  What the hell would I do with a man who only comes up to my waist?

Oh, wait....

I'm not done yet!

I'm a little obsessed with crazy pumpkin pictures, so here's a few more of my favorites!!!!

Geez, bite my head off, will ya?

The Bulimic Pumpkin....

Copping a feel...

Would you like fries with that?

OK now, who's gonna roast some pumpkin seeds for me?

Semi-Wordless Wednesday **UPDATED**

Yay! Becky is my 300th follower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!

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You know I can't blog without a word. So here's the wordless part:

And here's the wordy stuff:

Look at my followers. I have 299. Who's gonna be 300??????? Come to mama, baby.

Pumpkin Butt

Aw hell no.

No, before any of you ask, that is *NOT* my ass.

Sorry, guys.

But wait!!!!!

I don't want to be accused of discrimination...

Ah. Much better.

You're welcome, ladies.